Widows & Widowers Support Group

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your husband. It is so recent, this process takes a lot of time before things begin to get better. I'm a little over ten months, and it only begins to ease. When I try to sort through his things, I still cry. I have decided to do this a little at a time.

There doesn't seem to be any words or instant cures to relieve the awful pain and loneliness we experience when losing our mates. A question was asked at a grief support meeting I attended was: If I could magically erase all the memories of your spouse and therefore, eliminate all your pain, would you do it? That got me thinking. No, we shared a wonderful relationship. I never want to forget that. So I guess we need to deal with the pain of losing someone we loved so much.

One thing that I kept telling myself even in my darkest hours, was that someday I will smile again. Things will get better in time. We may not want to face life alone but we must. We can't go back to being the person we once were, however, I do believe we can achieve happiness. Please think of this on occaision.

A lot of us here are experiencing some anxiety about the upcoming holidays, myself included. I think I am going to do it very low key and try to survive with calmness, maybe watch movies or find other distractions. We will all get through this, I am sure. We can try to support each other here.

Dear Marie--My heartfelt condolences also go out to you. And I fully understand your pain, as well as everyone else here on the site.

I'm into the 6th month of my loss. He remains in my heart and I often cry.

I dreaded and still dread to some degree, the holidays. However, I have made plans with family, including having my great-niece come home with me Thanksgiving evening and spending two nights to help me decorate for Christmas. I don't believe it will be therapeutic to have nothing in the house when the rest of the world is lit up. I still remember that Christmas signifies the Lord's birth, not the frills and jollies we have become accustomed to. My sister and bro-in-law are coming Xmas day for a simple dinner. My sister-in-law is spending her annual Xmas eve overnight at our house. As for New Year's, going to dinner with good friends and spending night at their house.

Just take a day at a time. You will have better days, but remember you will also have bad ones too. I adopted a cat a week ago, and she has brought life, love and joy back into our home. I look forward to going home now for she is waiting for me, instead of walking into an empty house.

I can't bring my husband back, but I can still love him with all my heart, miss him, and cry when I need to.

And yes, life is certainly not fair.

Marie,

It has been almost 6 months for me and I wish I could say something to take your pain away but I can't seem to take mine away either. I just joined this site today and I will read and try to live to be happy again. He would want that, just as your husband would want you to be happy again too. I still grab his after shave and sniff it before I go to bed, just a comfort thing I guess but it makes me happy. Not looking forward to the holidays but Christmas was his favorite so I will try for him.......... I will keep you in my prayers.

Dear Marie, my heart truly aches for you and what you are going through. All of us on this grief journey experience that sharp pang of remembered loss when we share our stories and struggles. Hang on, sweetie, in any way you can. Yes, you will experience many dark, lonely, and overwhelming days and nights. But there is also hope and a meaningful and purpose-filled future ahead for you. Just take one breath at a time, make it through one minute, one hour, and one day at a time. That's all any of us can do. Find something small in each day to be grateful for, cry your eyes out as often as needed, and know that as unfathomable as it may seem there are brighter days ahead. You WILL come through this Valley of the Shadow of Death. I will be praying for you. All the best, Tami

Hi I am trully sorry for your Loss. Life sends us some hard blows but please know that God is able to sustain you. Also I am here if you want to talk.

I appreciate this board so much! It has been almost 7 months since my Sweetheart died suddenly. We were married for 34 years and "nothing" could have prepared me for life without him. It helps to read other 's stories . We are all members of a club we didn't want to join. If we all hang in there the sun will come out again. Right?

Joette