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Widow marrying again and moving home
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I would like to ask for some advice please.
My GF (a widow) and I got engaged recently and we are deciding what to do about living arrangements when we get married next year. We both have our own homes, each in a different town. My apartment is not suitable for a family of 4 (she has 2 young girls) and she has a lovely large home that she has lived in for 18 years. Her girls were born there. We have been looking for a new home for the 4 of us, but I had a thought about me moving in with them and spending money on the house and renovating it to OUR personal tastes and thus making it our own own home. I would imagine that it would be easier on the girls (12 and 8) to adjust to a new man in their lives as well at it saving huge costs involved in buying a new home and moving etc....at worst, we could still move later and purchase another place. I have spoken briefly to her about this idea, and she is quite interested in taking it futher and talking about the nuts and bolts of the idea. Has anyone got some practical advice about my situation? Regards Rick Posted on 10/29/09, 06:10 am |
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Welcome back - and congratulations! I'm glad things have worked out for you. I think it's an excellent idea if you are both comfortable with it for you to move into her home. Like everything else, this is one of those things the two of you need to talk through. She may want to have a fresh start in a new home, or she and her kids may find comfort being in what has always been their family home.
My fiance is a widower, and I will be moving into what was he and his late wife's home. I will have no regret about selling and leaving my home that I shared with my late husband, and we have been working together on the changes that need to be made so that my fiance's home will be "our home." I believe your fiancee was widowed 4 years ago? She has probably already made a number of changes to her home in that time, so she may be comfortable with you moving in there. As I say, it's like everything else in a marriage, you have to talk it through openly and honestly. Good luck to you both! 
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Congratulations to you! As a mother, I would say that the children's sense of comfort should be at the top of the list. They are still young, with one of them about to become a teenager. They are going to have to adjust to a lot with a new man in their lives, and being in their own home is just going to make it that much easier. Imagine having to change schools/friends and adjust to a new Dad!
Good luck to all of you! Amy
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It is so different for everyone.. Congradulations to both of you...I was married in May..I am widowed 15 years my husband was widowed for 5. We made a complete move..new house, new town. He had the big house and I couldn't ever make that ours..it would always be his and his passed wife. His children would never accept me living there and my son would also feel like a visitor. Our new home is beautiful and we decorated ever room to make it ours..there are alblums and pictues of our passed lives in some of the rooms and it is such a nice feeling to look around and know its all just what himand I built together. Our choice was best for us but I am sure for others it would work out just fine moving into her house. Good Luck
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Congratulations to you both. . . Love is Beautiful!!! The main thing to remember always is that all parties are comfortable and a-ok with the situation. Logically it makes sense to move into a home and if your fiance already has it, then why not. There should not be a problem because you, her and her daughters together are creating a new life, new memories and new bonds. The house is secondary to it all and you will find that it is no biggie. I think the main component is the girls, and if they are okay then I am sure everything else will fall into place. Let your love illuminate and create a "new" home wherever you decide to live. Peace
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