Widows & Widowers Support Group

I think men benefit more from remarriage. They remarry earlier and the majority do. Generally speaking the wife is the heart of the home. She is the social planner, homemaker, nurturer and provides emotional support. Men don't tend to have the same emotional support as most women do. Their wives are often their sole confidant and cheerleader. In truth, men are more dependent on us then we are on them. Men also tend to remarry younger women and as men die earlier than women they have a much larger playing field.For women the pickings are slim. Do you marry someone much older and end up a nursemaid? Or do you settle, believing any man is better than no man. As women we tend to have a variety of strong emotional supports. Most of us are blessed in that we have friends and family for support and companionship and we can bare our souls to these people. I have 3 sisters. I've had the same best friend since I was six. Four of my best friends I've known since high school. I'm not lonely . I've always been the independent type and enjoy my own company. The vast void I feel is for MY husband. My one and only who knew me and loved me so well as I did him. I am lonely for him. His being-his warmth, humour, body, kindness, ideas, values and love. I miss our shared history, the chemistry and connection we had. I grew up watching my mother go out with one jerk after another. I see my divorced and some widowed friends doing the same. Why? I will hold the memories of my life and my love in my heart forever.

By the way I am 49.

tskks, I agree with you. Often men do seem to need to find someone to "take care of them" more than women do - even with the practical stuff like cooking, cleaning, etc. as well as the emotional support. I also agree with what you said about missing your husband specifically rather than missing marriage in general. Some people actually do find love many times, but some of us have that special person only once, and we don't want to "settle" just to avoid being alone. I think the problem comes when others start telling us what we should want, and what we should do. We are all different and need to do what works for us. laurabp

I really don't want anyone else...I know it's early, less than a month, but Wes was the love of my life, we were complete equals and I've never had that before and I know I'd never settle for anything less...he was the best man I've ever met and he loved me like no other. I want to be unattached so we can be together when I reach heaven. I don't want to be some other dudes wife :)

My husband was a longhual truck driver so I am use to being alone, that part doesn't scare me. It's the loneliness that bothers me. The lack of his touch the sound of his voice. Because even when he was on the road I could still talk to him. I knew that in a few days maybe a week he would be home. The whole idea of evening thinking about a new partner at this piont feels like a betrayal of sorts, like cheating. I loved, love him to much to even consider it. So the way things stand right now I'm married and that's that.

rileyann,

As an agnostic I'm not too concerned about any afterlife confusion. But as a former Christian I'm put in mind of the time Jesus responded to the Pharisees who posed a trick question to him about whose husband some guy would be in heaven, This person had several wives on earth, each of whom had died in turn. Jesus said, basically, "...in heaven they are neither married nor given in marriage, but are like the angels".

So even Christian dogma suggests that relationships in the afterlife will be very different, and, presumably, superior to earthly ones.

I think we probably don't serve ourselves well trying to project our current existence onto another one, no matter what we happen to believe about the nature of that other existence. Whatever afterlife there is, we probably aren't equipped to comprehend anyway.

When officiating our marriages, the church asks us to proclaim exclusive loyalty "until death do us part". So I think they see the wisdom of not trying to extend earthly relationships beyond the grave. As great as marriage is for some folks, it's still a limited, earthly form that we don't expect will suffice for the afterlife.

For this reason I think we are free to remarry, or not ... our choice. But if your reason for not remarrying is to carry a torch so that you can pick up where you left off some day ... I don't know, you may be assuming too much there.

The Buddhists classify marriage under what they term "special relationships". In an ego-less, all-good, ideal existence, special relationships, they say, aren't necessary or even relevant. Everyone loves everyone, and no one is even slightly attached to outcomes or looking for external validation. Special relationships are a concession to our earthly weakness and inability to love everyone equally.

I am just suggesting that putting one's life on hold for the rest of one's life, may be something to think carefully about. I initially felt that way, although for somewhat different reasons than you ... but eventually it came to me that I had to be open to all the possibilities of life or I would never fully live again. Limiting myself has never been a Good Idea.

--Bob

At this point (seven months after losing the love of my life and at 47) I do not plan on ever getting married again. How many perfect people are there in the world? If I had to say now I would say no. I am not sure what I would say five years from now. I'll let you know when I get there.
-Diana

For years I have known that if my husband predeceased me, I would remain single. I hadn't ever intended to marry, but when I met Michael, I changed my mind. We often teased I was his last wife and he was my only husband. Now he is gone; it is my turn to apply the lessons he taught by his example. I have the chance to continue his legacy of loving and caring for others. It will take some time to adjust to being without my "life mate," but I plan to explore the unique ways I can express my talents and gifts to honor his memory

Interesting reading all of your posts. I loved my husband very much and it has been almost a year. Spending time with my girlfriends is great and fun and I really do not need a man to support me...but I would love to get another shot at love. My life is not over yet!

I am a 64 year old man that was married to the same lady for
39 years. We had several discussions about what we might do when
one of us passes on. She said she would never re-marry.
Myself? I would like to re-marry, more so for friendship/companionship than anything else. She even told me once that if she goes first, that she wanted me to be happy, not live
the rest of my life alone. Even the Bible says it is not good for man
to be alone! I have even dated a few widows near or in their 60's.
All of them so far have as much as mentioned they had no intention of re-marrying. I intend to continue searching until one decides
they want to spend the rest of their life with me. At this age, that
is easier said than done!
Dennis