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its been 6 weeks since my darling Stephen passed, I went out tonight with friends, a couple, another widow, two women who were never married, I am friends with the couple and they arranged this dinner for us all. I had a very nice time, however 3/4 into the evening I realized I've really never done this before, been out without my husband on a Saturday night and this is now what my reality will be. It really made me scared and sad. How have others felt when you really realize what your future will be, and how do you adjust to it?
Posted on 02/23/13, 11:02 pm
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Reply #1 - 02/24/13  1:12am
" Violet, I am at 4 months today since I lost my wonderful husband of 41 years, and I hate every moment without him. I have been trying to face the grief...I'm meeting friends...going out to dinner with them but it hurts so much to see couples together and realize I can never do that with my husband again. The reality of those moments is unbearable. As for a future, my thinking side knows I will get through emotional side does not see a future that I want. We will get through this....we will survive and eventually come to terms with all of it and create a future where we will hopefully find some type of peace. This is my daily prayer for all of us. But not is the 4 month anniversary of my losing him and today my world is black.
Blessings for all of us.
Sharon "
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Reply #2 - 02/24/13  3:36am
" i am into 9 months. My husband and I were inseparable from the time we met. It was hard for me to go to work or to the grocery store without him. I made myself go to whatever functions as much as possible. I might not like to be there but I think sometimes it is better than to be alone. My husband loved to travel and he had left me with a vacation club membership which I don't even know how to use. My future for traveling will be with my children and it never be the same. They are not adventurous like him. He was a brave soul with good sense of directions traveling to different countries with him never a dull moment. I won't be lonely because he is in my heart forever. He has given me 36.5 wonderful years. I am content and it's ok for me to live the rest of my time on my own since I have never lived alone before. It is a new beginning for me. "
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Reply #3 - 02/24/13  8:24am
" I've been on this grief journey for almost 3 years which is hard to believe. As I read your post I thought how nice it was of your friends to arrange the get together with the other widow and the two single women. In their own way they are trying to help you to get connected which may lead to future opportunities for friendship, travel, dinner, and shared activities. I've met many new friends that I probably never would have met if I hadn't been on this grief journey which caused our paths to cross. My life is different now that Gary is gone and I can't make it like it was. Sometimes I sit at home wishing something was going on to do and feeling like I should be accomplishing more. You kind of have to push yourself sometimes to get out or be open to trying new things, groups, or experiences. Some things feel beyond your comfort zone (what you are used to) but sometimes you have a sense of accomplishment when you actually do it. Change is hard and it takes time. We grow through change even if we don't want to have to go through it. It's not comfortable or easy. Sometimes little things like seeing other couples together having a good time can hit you hard. You can also be a reminder to others that life is short and they could end up without their spouse just like what happened to you. I would encourage you to look for a GriefShare group, a hospice group, a travel group or club, a widow/widower group that you could join where you could meet some people that are going through similar challenges and experiences. Try to be open to change as you begin to move ahead on your own. Many times I still shake my head in disbelief that I am a widow and this is how my life is now. It's sad and it's a broken dream from what I thought it would be, but I'm making the choice to try to move ahead. You are very early in your grief journey so be easy on yourself and just try to take baby steps. Everything feels overwhelming and unknown. Give yourself time to grieve and when opportunities present themselves give yourself a little push when you feel ready. "
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Reply #4 - 02/24/13  3:35pm
" I admire your ability to step out with your friends. It took me much, much longer to be able to do that. In the words of my loving sisters-in-law, other than work and church, I nearly became a hermit.

I started by inviting friends and family over to my home for dinner. It kept me in the comfort of my own surroundings while providing an opportunity to interacte with others. Eventually, I started accepting invitations to join others. It felt awkward at first, but I was able to adjust more quickly than I thought. "
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Reply #5 - 02/25/13  12:13am
" Good for you. I get sad at these occasions and have to talk myself through it. "
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Reply #6 - 02/25/13  8:15am
" I'm at just over 4 months, and the first couple of times I went out like that I had to leave the table in tears. I was with a group of other widows/widowers so they understood. These "new adjustments" I try and do the first and second times with someone that is safe.... "
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Reply #7 - 02/25/13  9:00pm
" I only about 2 months ago met a school friend, that is the first time I have been out without one of my kids since Dave died. That means it took me almost 2 yrs to venture out by myself except to church. Since we were talking about high school the whole time, I did not have time to think about anything else. So maybe this time does not count for much. I can tell you as stated in another post, going to church by myself has been tramatic and I stopped going because it hurt to much, tho I know that was not a solution and I need to return. "
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Reply #8 - 02/25/13  9:35pm
" Yes, I get scared everyday and it has been almost 10 months for me! I think I'm doing better, then I sort of "regress" and seem to go backward. This is our life now - the rollercoaster life that we live everyday! I think the weekends are the hardest - for they are anyway because this is the time we did very special things together - sort of our "date nights out." I, too, have other widowed friends and we get together at least once a month and go out somewhere. It's nice and I enjoy the company but it isn't the same. Reality does hit me in the face every once in a while - this is my life now - no husband, no partner to share things with - no one to love me the way my husband could only love me. We are re-inventing our lives now - so different and foreign to us. So, yes, I totally understand how you feel and my heart goes out to you also my friend! ((HUGS TO YOU!)) Debbie "

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