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This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life aft...
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My husband died 20 months ago. I have had almost every kind of counseling a person could have, talked to many people here on DS with great advice and kindness,however, I am still having a hard time healing. I can't forgive myself. I hate myself for not being more compassionate to my husbands situation with his health and mental state. I can't forgive myself for arguing with him 1 1/2 hours before he was killed. And I can't forgive myself for not appreciating him every minute of every day we had together. I pray that he is really at peace and no longer suffers. And I know he would forgive me. But what do I do to get on living my life? Thank you for listening.
Posted on 11/01/09, 09:11 am |
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Hi,please don,t be to hard on yourself we have all said and done things that have hurt each other this is part of being human.We all have regrets abouts the things we should have said and done l know l have,but we have to find a way to move on and know that our loved ones have forgiven us.l don,t know whether you are a riligious person but maybe you would find comfort and strength if you went into a church when it was quiet,light a candle for your husband,and speak to him,sometimes the peace and quiet of a church provides comfort when nothing else can.take care xx 
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I am so sorry you are in so much pain. Maybe you are expecting too much of yourself too soon. We all have different time lines when it comes to grieving. Seems like you have alread told yourself the same things we would all tell you, so now maybe it's just a matter of letting it all sink in.....you did the best you could with the knowledge you had at that time. That's all any of us can do. I hope you will feel a little bit better today. laurabp
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Thank you so much for both of your advice. Both of your suggestions were very helpful. Big hugs for both of you.
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There are things we would all like to change about what has happened to us. You need to think about the years of fun and happiness you had together and not dwell on the last hour. If you feel he has forgiven you ( I'm sure he has) then look in your heart and forgive yourself. Its all about acceptance and coming to terms with what has happened. I started living again when I finally came to terms about my husbands death.I couldn't change it but, can live on for him..
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