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Are my feelings within the "norm"?
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I have this feeling of detachment lately that is hard to describe. When I sit and think about why I feel this way, one reason that comes to mind is that there are some controlling family members on my husband's side that I am just really very tired of dealing with. Another reason is that everyone seems to be so busy with their own lives that I am reluctant to bother anyone or even ask for help when I need it. I am not depressed nor am I angry. I can't even say I'm disappointed because I didn't really expect anything different. With the holidays approaching and a couple other anniversaries--birthdays-wedding-and first year--I just feel I don't want to be around anyone. I don't want anyone to feel the need to cheer me up or for me put a smile on my face for the sake of others. I don't want anyone to feel "bad" that I'm alone on the holidays--I've been alone for almost a year now and I am surviving. If I need to cry, I want to be able to do this in privacy. I don't want or need anyone's sympathy as I don't feel pathetic. Can anyone relate to these feelings? If I am asked to join others during the holidays, how can I answer without offending anyone?
Posted on 10/31/09, 10:10 pm |
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Thank-you all for the many kind and understanding responses. I know many of us here are probably a little anxious about the upcoming holidays. I am keeping in mind that sometimes the fear is worse than the actual event.(s) It's just that so many of these firsts will be falling within Dec and early Jan-well actually, this will be my second wedding anniversary without him as he passed less than a couple weeks prior to that day. I don't want to be sad nor do I want to be alone to dwell upon the past. I just want to get through this first year. I am planning to attend a support session on dealing with the holidays next week. I just wondered if anyone felt like I do. I am not trying to isolate myself, I just want to get through this time peacefully and with no stress. Thanks for sharing similar feelings with me. My husband passed away three days after Christmas but I felt that in some ways, the timing wasn't all that bad because he got to see all family members and they got to see him too. 
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Oh, I've felt the detachment too. Sometimes when I'm with a group of friends or relatives and I've got so much on my mind, I feel like the things they talk about have little to do with my life any more. This probably sounds arrogant or like I think that what is going on in my life is more important than other people's concerns, but it's not that. I realize it is me that is having ahard time figuring out how to move forward, or at times I feel so tired that taking part in conversations seems too much of an effort. On the other hand, these past months I've also learnt that being on my own too much is not good for me. So here I am, looking for a balance between what I'd rather do when it comes to socialising, and what my head tells me I should do. Hugs from Sil
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