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This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life aft...
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Seriously dating a widower; children involved
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I wouldn't consider it a problem; we have a very loving relationship and things are moving forward (SLOOOOOOWWWWLY). However I know that there will be things we need to consider and talk about that aren't an issue for people in a relationship where no widower is involved, and I'm not sure what those things are!
Some background: He's 29, has a 6.5 yo son, and has been a widower for 15 months. I'm 28, have a 5 yo daughter and 2.5 yo son, and have been separated/divorced for 15 months. We have been dating since March, and became an exclusive couple just 6 weeks ago (although we really always were; the words were hard for him- boyfriend/girlfriend). We spend lots of time together alone, with all the kids, with just his son while my kids are with their dad... we are very honest and caring about the other person, and care about each other's children very much. It can be a struggle sometimes... their love was strong (he and his wife) and he is a very devoted man, and sometimes I feel jealous; not that they were happy, but that I wasn't. I was in a very unhappy and emotionally abusive marriage for 6 years, and when I hear about or see pictures about them and their happiness, I feel sad. I don't want to feel that way; I'm not jealous of her or her memory to him or his son. We talk about her often and I love her pictures. I suppose it's me wondering if the happiness that I feel for/with him isn't as wonderful for him, b/c he has had a very fulfilling relationship in his past, and I don't. His son has started calling me mommy, which his father got upset about the first time. We talked about it in private, about how it's OK with me and that we should be letting the boy do what feels right for him. Since we brought that to him that way, the mommy name has slowed down a bit... but we do have a very close motherly kind of relationship. It's a little overwhelming for me, their sadness... I have a lot of strength and positivity and love to share, but it's still a heavy thing to be living with. Any insights? Thank you so much, Jess in NY Posted on 10/31/09, 10:10 pm |
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Jess, welcome to DS. You both are at a 15 month stage in your lives. There is still alot of healing. It's good that you are taking it slow. It sounds like his son needs a motherly figure and is too young to understand. As long as the father understands that you are not trying to replace his wife, I would continue that relationship with the boy. He is grieving also and you must be giving him something that fills that void to be able to call you his mommy. the children are the ones who suffer the most. You seem like you really care for them. I would just be patient and like you said, you have alot of love to share. Good luck, Sharon 
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