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This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life aft...
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I was in a okay relationship for 12 years and it finally ended. One month later I met the woman of my dreams, which I was not looking for. Her husband had killed himself 3 months before we met and right after she was seeing someone for a month or so. I found myself through circumstances and what she said she wanted living with her. Then all of a sudden last week she puts me on a bus to go 800 miles away and is now talking to the first person she seen and says she still has feelings for him as well. I was told this time apart was for her to have some space. I am so confused because I dont really know what she is going through having never been married and not sure how to let her go because she is my every thought of every day. Can anyone help me with what she might be going through and how I should respond.
Posted on 10/22/09, 05:10 pm |
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I think she is very confused. She just recently lost her husband and then starts seeing someone right away and then meets you. Maybe you scared her? Did you come on strong since you were so crazy about her? Don't give up if you can't get her off your mind, but give her, space also. Good luck, Sharon 
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I think it is too soon for her to know what she wants.
I want so much to re-create what I had with my husband, but no one can take that place. The grief process is so full of ups and downs and my mind changes by the minute... they say not to do anything major for one year because we tend to make rash decisions and perhaps have regrets if we act too impulsively too soon. I would recommend giving her space. If you care that much about her, then you can support her without demanding any sort of relationship or expectations from her. Support and care for her and let her know you are there when she needs you. Eventually she may come around. But I think it would be unfair to expect that she can just move forward with a solid committment so soon, and if she does, she may deeply regret it later on, whether it was to you or this other person. Just my opinion based on my own experience. She may be completely different from me. Good luck, I hope it works out for you both.
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Unless you are willing to wait around for a year while she decides if it's you or this other guy (or whoever), walk away from this one. She cannot commit - to you or apparently this other guy either. If she's not in counseling, she should be - if she is in counseling to help get her head back together, then there may be a chance - but it sounds like she may do a lot of damage to you and this other person in the interim. Only you know in your heart of hearts if you want to go through that. It does sound like it was too soon for her, and too soon for you, too. Hope this helps.
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Forget about her. At least for now. She sounds flighty and full of turmoil. It's seems to me she's trying to get back at her deceased husband for killing himself. Sorry, but I think your dream turned into a nightmare. Don't become her pawn.
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