Widows & Widowers Support Group

Hi, you are too hard on yourself, give self time to grieve. Crying releases the pain inside. Prayer also helps! Hang in there it will get better.

Everyone tells me I am too hard on myself too. Be thankful you can cry, for I can't now. I just stay in pain and very nervous all the time. Having a problem being alone now, for it is just me and having a major impact on my mental state and emotions. I keep telling myself to hang in there. Give it a year.

And yes, prayer does help. I often lay in bed at night and just pray. Often here at work at my desk or in the bathroom too.

At some point please consider private counseling in addition to your support group. Too much is not a bad thing.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's not depression, it's grief. What you are feeling is completely normal.

The advice I will give you is this, you need to talk about your loss. When people call you to talk to you about their lives, tell them about what you are feeling and going through. If they care about you, they will listen. If they won't listen to you, then they aren't really your friends anyway.I would also pick a couple of them and call them and say "I'm really hurting right now over losing my husband, when I need to talk can I call you?" Also, call your sons and tell them that you need their support right now, too. I know the dog allergy thing is an issue for them, but they can work around it. For heaven's sake - you're their mother! You took care of them, you take care of the grandbabies, it's time for some payback. You deserve the support. Now is the time to ask.

I'm glad you found DS, and that you've found a support group locally, too. I'm sorry you had to be in this situation, but I also wanted to be sure to welcome you to the group. Love and Hugs, Martha

its like the words you have written were my own. you are not alone in those feelings. i too cry for the loss of my honey. it has been 9 weeks . let the tears flow . i do notice it is getting less, but still everyday. i notice when i keep busy i'm ok but the minute i'm alone the crying sets in. it's hurts more than anything. and friends don't get it. how could they. so keep busy and take care of yourself and i will do the same.

Hi, I am so sorry you lost your husband also. I lost my husband 7 1/2 months ago unexpectedly to a heart attack, he was also 53. I also feel so much like you do, I hurt just as much now as I did in the beginning. I think I always will. I still have a l5 year old son at home and I have taken a year off work so I also manage to take care of him and see friends for dinner once a week but when I am at home by myself I cry alot beecause I miss him so much, he was my everything. It's terrible to wake up every morning and realize that he is not there. I think about him all the time and just wish for him to come back. I don't want to go to therapy because I am afraid they will make me face up to the fact that he is gone, I just can't do that. I have literally thousands of pictures of him from our vacations that I look at constantly, that is what keeps me going, feeling like he is still close. I do have our best friends that I can talk to about him and we all cry together, that helps. I really don't know how to help you but pleas know that you are not alone in your feelings, all of us here at DS understand. Hope things get better for you.

Thank you so much, as i am reading all your comments my tears start to come down, it just helps to know that i am not alone, and that what i am feeling right now, is normal... Somedays are better then others , for some reason today was just a horrible day for me.. I also find that when i am busy i am ok, but when i am home that's it i just start to cry...I do pray every possible moment i can.. And i have a little daily book that helps me at night.. Love and hugs to all of you for you support.. Thanks again...

Mornings are bad for me also. That was my quality time with Greg. Now I get up and it's just the whole day looming before me. You could call your personal doctor and let him/her know how you are feeling. They will understand and be able to help.

You are so early in your journey. It is so hard and so raw at first and I was in shock for the first few months and could only go from one thing to the other on auto pilot. What you are talking about is so normal. Know that you have come to the right place. It helped me so much to hear what I was feeling from others. Your tears are your love for your husband. He was so much a part of you and who you are....it is so hard at first. Please be kind to yourself and hang in there during these very hard days and weeks and months. It is not easy. You are not alone in your pain. Let yourself cry the oceans of tears that are normal after you lose the love of your life. It is not fair. It never will be for any of us.

Please talk talk talk to others going through this too.

God bless you.

-Diana

I understand exactly what you are saying. I wish I could say something new that would really give you comfort. I know exactly what you mean about the mornings being the hardest time of all. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. The support group should help you. In the meantime, stay active here at DS. We are all with you! Hugs to you.

Thank you everyone for all of your advise and comments , i am so glad i found this place, you are all so wonderful..I Don't know what i would have done without the support i am getting here.. I feel so much better.. Thanks to all of your support....I felt so alone and even though we never met face to face , i feel like this is my family , a family that has been through tough times and can relate to me and me with all of you....
Take care everyone... Have a wondeful week...