Widows & Widowers Support Group

I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my husband to a heart attack seven months ago. My husband was alone exercising on the treadmill when it happened, I didn't get home and fine him for at least 30 minutes. I still feel like it I had been here I could have done something to save him. I haven't changed anything at my house because I want to keep it like it was when he was here, I love my memories. We were married 28 years and I still have a l5 year old son at home, thank goodness, because I don't think I could live alone. It's good that you can stay with your daughters if you don't want to be alone. We all just have to take one step at a time, I still feel the pain unbearable at times. Please take care of yourself.

I am so very sorry for your pain. It must have been so frightening to have him collapse walking with you. I wish there was an easy way through your loss, but there isn't. I'm am here as are so many others, to encourage you and support you through the stages of emotions that will envelope you. Basically grief is a personal thing and the decisions you are struggling with are very normal. The answers you're looking for are one's that will become evident as time goes on. My main advise is to do temporary solutions that help you for each day and not to make permanent changes.
The emotions will change from day to moment when you want to be with someone and be alone. You'll want to be home and want to go out only to feel you must return home.
Knowing the feelings will be changing for a while (like a year or more) makes it unwise to change something permanently and then regret it. Sharon

I am so sorry that you lost your husband. It must be so hard that all was well and the world was fine, then he was gone in an instant. No wonder you are having panic attacks. I would say all that you are feeling is normal considering how sudden everything happened. I had a hard time losing my husband and I knew he was not well and at the end knew he was dieing. Please first and foremost be kind to yourself and make no quick decisions. I was in shock for quite awhile and there is no easy way to lose the love of our life, our best friend and half of us. I kept putting one foot in front of the other on auto pilot until it started to make some sense. It takes a very very long time and is so very hard. I had two of my children take turns staying overnight at the house with me for awhile. I had a deadbolt lock put on the basement door, then realized that I have good neighbors and police that live close by.

I read a LOT and cried a LOT and yelled a LOT and knew it was all normal and it would some day get bearable.

Hang in there, okay.....

-Diana

Thanks all. It is really hard to bear it but in one level of my being I know I have to go ahead and another level I go down down and sink to the bottom. how and when this lonelynes will go and I will be normal with this reality?

hi mamata I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND HANG IN THERE. IT IS THE MOST DIFFICULT THING TO GO THROUGH I TOO AM ALONE NOW AND I CAN SAY THEIR'S ALOT OF TEARS, SO FAR THERE HAS NOT BEEN A DAY THAT I DON'T CRY.SO LET THE TEARS FLOW AND SOME SAY IT WILL GET EASIER I DON'T KNOW WHEN BUT WE GO ON. MY HUSBAND HAS PASSED 8 WEEKS AGO AND THE TIME JUST DRAGS. HE WAS MY LIFE FOR 32 YRS. AND YOUR RIGHT THE MEMORIES ARE EVERYWHERE. HOPE THIS HELPS TO KNOW WE ARE ALL GOING THROUGH THIS PAINFUL JOURNEY LETS KEEP EACH OTHER IN OUR PRAYERS

I am so sorry for your loss. Having our spouse here one moment, and then lossing him permanently in an instant ravishes the heart. Like you, my husband died of a cardiac arrest. I was talking to him on the telephone, and an hour later he was gone. Just like that. No warning, no time to prepare. Loss is difficult, but for me, it seems that when we loose someone so suddenly, it is that much more intense, and more difficult to cope with at so many levels. I wish there was an answer to give to you. I still cry everyday myself, and have found wonderful words of wisdom and support here at DS.

Peace be with you.
lespreludes

Dear tebin,shrn diana,ds55,lespreludes
Really I am touched to get your replies. Now I know that there are so many like me.. so many are there who suffer like me and are with me to console me. I do no know how to reply to your mails personally. There is no way.perhaps as there are no personal mail iD.
I am going to my state where my sisters and brothers are there. tomorrow. i will be back after15days. I do not know whether I will be able to acess my mails regularly.
Thank you all. I am also with you and pray for you all. Mamata

I also lost my husband to a heart attack. You can’t think about the what if’s. I took my husband to the hospital with chest pain and he died during the heart cauterization…call me ignorant, but I thought well he had a heart attack, but we are here, they will help him. Needless to say I was shocked when the doctor came out and told me. We were married for 20 years and 10 days.
Life does not make much sense anymore and you are right it’s very mechanical. I am hoping that one day that will change.
My son turned 14 today and I am very thankful to have him, he makes me go on with life.
Hang in there, they tell me it gets better
XO Sabine

Mamata--I am so sorry for your loss. My husband has been gone 4 months, and I can so relate to what you are saying. I too pray and often. Right now I just want to run, but where to is anyone's answer. I want the house to feel like a home, but everything I do seems so pointless. In support group they tell you not to make any major decisions for at least a year. So, I keep telling myself, give it a year. Everything you think of becomes monumental and overwhelming. Like winter is coming. I will now have to make the 15 minute drive to work in bad weather. My husband always did, for he didn't want anything to happen to me. And I am alone. I don't have children, but I have friends, a niece and a sister. They, however, don't fill the void that is within me.

Bereavement group says it gets better. Better how? There are no answers to anything now.

It has only been shortly under 3 months since my husband died. The advice I received early on is to do whatever you feel is right for you. If you think that you want to change the bed around, try it.. if it doesn't feel right you can always change it back. Pamper yourself, and provide yourself comfort where you can. This is a very tough road, and only you can know what will make you feel comforted right now.

For me, I am going through a phase of insecurity... Fear to be alone in the house, low confidence around friends.. For me life is like you say.. "mechanical without him in it". I am going to go stay with my best friend for a few days, just to see if it helps me feel better. I am not sure if it will, but if not, then I will come home. I try to be easy on myself, and not make anything a "must do".

I hope that it gets easier for us both. Wishing you peace and comfort during this difficult time.