Widows & Widowers Support Group

Hi Stacy,
Anything and everything is normal when you are grieving.
I have not had trouble making decisions because most times, I am forced to, especially in the early months, but learning to do many things alone now has been my most difficult journey.
Rich and I did everything together, even the food shopping, so now when I go alone, I feel disoriented, out of place and like a square peg on a round Earth. I feel like I no longer belong anywhere.
This is the hardest thing any of us will ever endure.
My loving thoughts to you...Mo

I think it is normal to feel overwhelmed at some point after the loss of your loved one. You were a part of a team, and now it's just you. Even if you made the decisions, you probably consulted your husband for his input, and you certainly considered how decsions would affect both of you. My way of making decisions is to get information from others - not advice, but ask them how they handled a particular situation, what they learned, etc.,and then to line up my options, considering what is the worst than can happen, and what is the best that can happen if I decided a certain way, and most of all, which option can I live most easily live with? Breaking things down into smaller steps helps me too. Anyway, you are not alone; just take one thing at a time. Hope this helps. laurabp

I think that it's normal to find it hard to make decisions. Like wizmo, I couldn't decide on anything unless I was forced to. I also find it almost impossible to plan ahead. I sometimes can't even answer when someone asks what plans I have for the weekend. It's like I have to live my life almost by the minute because with all that is going on in my mind all the time it is just too much effort to think ahead.
But I hope this won't last forever. For the first time in 9 months, I caught myself organising something for the following week and that made me think,"Wow, this must mean I'm beginning to feel better!"
We need to give ourselves lots and lots of time to heal and feel somewhat normal again. Many hugs from Sil

Stacy,

I too was the decision maker in the family...and now I cannot decide what we are having for dinner!! I went fo a physical check up and brought it up to my physician and he said it was normal...and very much a part of the greiving process....the brain has a hard time processing the more immediate serious decisions with the minor not so important stuff like whats for dinner....He also increased my lexapro...10mg...I dont know if this helps you...and I havent increased the lexapro yet....lol but I think you are normal...or you and I are abnormal togeather...hehehe

Stacy,
Yes, it's 'normal'! I remember my sis-in-law saying, "You are the boss now!", when I was struggling with a decision. She also offered herself as someone to 'bounce things off of', as a replacement of sorts for my husband. I trust her judgement, so that might just work on occasion. I must admit that I don't LIKE being the 'boss', but alas, that is the hand we've been dealt. It's been over two years for me now, decisions come easier, but I still suffer from 'widow brain', which is to say, I'm a bit more scatterbrained now than I was before, my Dr. swears my mind will come back, I wonder...so, has ANYone seen it??? lol Please send it home!

Good luck with your decisions and learning to trust them.
AJ

Stacy: It is normal to feel overwhelming because we are alone now and have to make the decisions. I feel lost without my husband although most of the time I made the decisions but he was always there for me to discuss it with him and ask for advice. I miss Carlos so much and life seems so unfair. Life sucks for me. Coming home to an empty house and wanting to feel that hug from him is so painful know that he is not here anymore. Carlos was always fun to have around. He was such a happy person who never let anything bother him. I hope to someday see him again. We have a long hard journey ahead of us but with the help of our friends here at DS we will make it through. God bless you and lots of hugs Linda

I've been alone two years and although I'm learning to make minor decisions on my own I still question others. I try to sit back and take time to think a few minures (and even say a prayer) when I sense it's time to act and not wait I move ahead. Until I have that confidence to act I prefer giving myself time. That's why some nights I end up with a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner. LOL Sharon

Everything seems to be overwhelming, and brings a sweat that overcomes me when I think of it. I too am asked what I'm doing for the weekend. I make plans, and then wonder if I can follow through with them. But I do, whether or not I get any enjoyment out of them.

The printer wasn't working right the other night, and it was an effort to try to figure out how to fix it. Again, the anxiety and the sweats. But, figured it out and fixed it. As far as dinner, who cares? But I make myself eat, and usually have ice cream for I have lost too much weight.

Yes, along the line with everyone else, it's normal.

It has been a little over a 1 year and 8 months for me. . My brain has started to get more on track now. In the beginning I couldn't remember a thing much less make any decisions. I know I probably drove my mother nuts because I would run things by her several times before making my final decision. I was always good at it before but still needed to bounce things off of Lance just for his take on things. I am getting better and like Sharon said I try to pray about it too. Guess we are as normal as can be expected.

It's 'normal' - part of the new normal anyway. It takes time to get used to making solo decisions, which is another good reason for not making any major decisions for at least a year if you can help it.

@AJ - I got a postcard from my mind - it ran off to the Bahamas with yours - they're having a great time. Unfortunately, they didn't say when they'd be back... :) Love and Hugs....