Widows & Widowers Support Group

I need to look for a job, so that is what gets me up and going every morning, but if you are financially secure and have your days open, I guess I would suggest looking into some new activities that you can try that would get you out to meet new people - specifically activities where you wouldn't have to have a partner. Are there some hobbies or interests that you have always wanted to explore? As for the housework, I would not let that bother you - you will eventually catch up. I think it is all about trying new things at this point, trying to find a new direction for your life and a lot of that seems to be trial and error for a lot of us. I do think that getting out on a regular basis is very important, even if it is just to go grocery shopping, or whatever. We need to keep involved in life around us. Hope you will feel a little better today. laurabp

I get like that too. Nothing seems to have any purpose since my husband has passed. Whenever I think of something I want to do, or need to, a feeling of dread comes over me. But I make myself do it anyway.

I have made changes in our home because I needed to. It is still my home and I love it. I need to live somewhere and the house is paid for. Am blessed for that. I don't want to be a dependent on anyone, nor do I want someone living in my home.

You can't put expectations on yourself, nor force yourself to feel any way but what you do at the present. If so, it will become frustrating and take you further down. Like trying to fight out of a paper bag.

I miss my husband just as much as you miss yours. We were a married couple, we loved each other, and I am entitled to that.

I don't know what other advice to offer you. This journey is the most difficult one we have ever been handed.

It sure is hard to get the motivation to do anything now. For the yard, I try to think of my neighbours. My neighbour mowed my yard and keeps pulling the weeds, so that they won't go in his yard. I think of how bad I feel that it is my responsibility and I don't want him to keep doing it, so that motivated me to get out there and do it myself.

Other things I try to do when I am in a strong moment in the day. I have my to do list, and when I am feeling okay I go get one item done, even if I don't want to. I know that if I don't get it done at that time, I wont get it done because of the bad moments when I am not strong.

I also try not to be too hard on myself. My main priority is to heal my heart. So if some of the things on my to do list aren't getting done, but I have given time to myself, it is okay.

I'm also in that place of no motivation. I agree with what was said, especially about making a list to do and giving yourself permission not to make it a 'should do' list. I may have to borrow that one.
I have fallen into the habit of doing what I feel I want to and some days there's nothing that I want to do. I'm retired and have an adequate pension that I can afford the luxury of being home, but I'm also aware that getting a parttime job ourside the home could have its advantages. Just take it a day at a time. I always have something planned in the future like a trip or a cruise to look forward to Sharon

I am reading this thread with great interest. I have the exact same problem and it is almost a year for me.

I often know what I need to do. I just don't feel up to dealing with some things. I'm sorry. I'm not ready. But I know that it is not helping by putting certain, important things off. I need to go for an eye exam, to the dentist... much more. I will get around to it when I can.

I guess what I need to do first is set some realistic, simple short term goals. That would help, I think. But I hear exactly what you are saying and agree 100%.

Time is my only suggestion at the moment. I have been on that down hill ride and believe me it feels as if the car broke down on the lowest point. The thing is the car is not broken the driver needs a little motivation to get the car to move forward. I know this sounds overrated and completely bullshit, but time is the best thing that heals all wounds (physically and mentally and heartilly).
My house was going for shit too (sorry I am cursing soo much) but then I realized that Gerardo had put so much work into it and took pride in all that was ours that I had to muster up the will to keep what was once our happy nest nice and neat. I know it is hard now but let yourself go through all your grieving and you will soon find that little by little things will get done. One more suggestion: do not overwhelm yourself with 50 tasks, instead do one small chore or task at a time. Remember time we have, for chores that is a good thing. Peace

I have my have to do list...my job...clean clothes for work, clean dishes to eat...that is it. Some days I just do my have to do list and I read and grieve...that is all I have the stength for and I am okay with it. Then I have my want to do list. It is a long one, but I do not force myself to do any of it... sweep the floor, clean off the desk, clean out the fridge. Then I have my do something that used to be fun list. Ride my bike, go for a walk, plant a flower, etc. I try each day to do at least one thing on my want to do list and one thing on my fun list. If I do, I do it for my husband who would not rest if I am just laying in bed crying all of the time.

This year I am mostly thinking of ways to nurture my soul. Reading, going for walks, going on DS, and I have gotten WII fit to do on rainy days sometimes.

I do one thing and one thing only and I do not care about cobwebs and dust bunnies, and some day I will get to sort things out.

I have many weeds in my flower beds, but at least I have flowers to enjoy there too.

It is all about survival this first year for me.

Be kind to yourself more than anything...the loss that you have suffered is so great that you need time to heal and grow new branches.

That is my two cents.

-Diana

Hi, there. I feel that way but need to keep doing what I'm doing. I need to find a job. I have been laid off since December. I am also in the middle of moving. These projects definitely help. One of my friends sent me a list of things from a 90 year old. One of the items was: Get up, dress up, and show up. It came at a perfect time for me as I was invited to a BBQ and was thinking about not going.

I think that what is in motion tends to stay in motion is very true in my life right now.

On a separate note, today is Kevin's birthday and I miss him. It is like a hole is ripped in my chest. I have a book that gives you some exercises to do to help. I am planning on starting a journal and writing down every time I think of something that we've done.

I hope that what I'm doing may in some way help you.

Hugs,

Theresa

At first I went crazy...I had the cleanest house in all of Georgia, but now I am the same as you...no motivation. What is the point in all of this. I am not sure. I do the things I absolutely have to do..go to work, laundry and take care of my son. Ironing...nope, things look good from the far...but I have to force myself to do anything. If you find motivation please share...I need some!
Hang in there, XO SAbine

Take one step at a time. Each day try to accomplish one thing. It has been a little over a year for me and I still have a hard time motivating myself but I try to take one thing at a time and finish it. Even if it is as small as getting up taking a shower and reading the paper. It takes time in this journey. We have all been at your stage of grief and everyone on this site understands what you are going through. Take care of yourself. Lots Of hugs and prayers.

Because of Christ
Christine