Widows & Widowers Support Group

I really don't know what to advise you to do. I do know that I personally would not allow anyone, at any time, to come into my home and treat me that way - I would set boundaries and let her know that she is welcome to visit the kids, but that she does need to show you repect in your own home. I would not badmouth her to your kids of course, and I would probably suggest that she might want to look into counseling or a support group of some sort. You deserve to have your home feel like a secure haven. You can be assertive without getting down to her level. laurabp

I think you need to talk to your mother-in-law and tell her how she is making you feel. Perhaps she is clueless, perhaps she is feeling guilty for how she has not been there for you and your girls - that's possibly the real meaning of the dream she had. She has lost a son - that's not easy either. If she still is nasty, bar her from your home. Period. She is not respecting David, nor is she enforcing any legacy of his to be rude. If she were not family, you certainly wouldn't allow your kids to even associate with her if she is in fact being that nasty intentionally. It's also not a comfort to your kids - regardless of what you may think - if their grandmother is criticizing their mother, insinuating you're not properly caring for them, etc. How is that supposed to make them feel loved and secure? They are still "half you" so to speak, so her criticizing you is in effect criticizing them too. Sometimes you have to stand your ground - it's never fun or easy, but if you don't either (a) clear the air, or (b) set your limits, the situation won't change. I know that's not easy, but start off as kind and patient as you can muster, and maybe, just maybe, you can effect some positive change. Love and Hugs, Martha

Thanks Laura and Martha for your feed back. I took ur advise Martha...uh not so nice. I just know where i stand. I don't. Ha,ha. I'm ok i think. I will definately be awkward for special occasions but i will deal.