Video Game Addiction Support Group

My husband and I got married last summer. About a month ago, his friend got a new video game and he has been spending nearly all his time over there playing the game. He goes to work, goes straight to his friend's house afterwards, and usually stays the night. In the last 3 weeks, I think my husband has spent fewer than 5 nights in our bed. He's gone for entire weekends and mostly comes home to shower or change clothes before going back to work. If we manage to spend an hour or two together during a day, he considers us to have spent plenty of time together, even if it was the first--or last--couple of hours for several days. He also considers the time we spend unconscious together sleeping once he comes home late in the night to be "spending time" with me.
Before anyone suggests that he might be doing something else--like having an affair--I have to say that I know for sure where he is and what he's doing. I have seen it first hand a few times, and I can hear his friend in the background whenever I call him.
We've been through this before with different games. For several weeks before his recent disappearances, he had people over nearly every day to play a golf game on the playstation. When we were first dating, he had people over for hours a day every day playing other games. It's kind of all or nothing: either put up with living in a frat house environment while he plays games at home all day, or not see him at all while he plays games at someone else's house. I don't need him to acknowledge me ALL THE TIME. I am not the type to need constant attention, and we both definitely like our space sometimes. But there's a difference between recreationally playing games as an escape, and completely ignoring other people and responsibilities in life that aren't game-related.
I just want some advice on how to talk to him (once he bothers to come home and give me a chance). I know he enjoys playing games and I would never ask him to give them up altogether; and I want to try to understand why this game is so important to him. Feedback from gamers and recovering addicts welcome. But I also want to stand up for myself and let him know that I feel inferior and unwanted when he only wants to come home once or twice a week to get laid and/or grab clean clothes and then leave again. There has to be a compromise where he can figure out a way to do what he loves in moderation and not completely abandon his recent bride.
Posted on 09/19/09, 05:09 pm