Video Game Addiction Support Group

Hello everyone. I hope there is room for another person here who is dealing with the effects of an addiction.

Allow me to share my experience, which is likely very similar to many already spoken of here. I've been with my boyfriend "Dan" for four years; we began dating right before I left for college. We did the long-distance relationship thing the whole time, and it was difficult. At some point - about a year into my schooling - he decided to begin playing a game called Shards of Dalaya, which I guess is a free version of EverQuest. And I firmly believe he has become addicted.

As a result, he quit having conversations with me online. Anyone who has been in a long-distance relationship knows how vital communication is to keeping the spark alive, so when I lost this with him, I began to resent him and his game. I have asked kindly to outright begged him to have conversations with me like a normal human being, but his excuse is always "I have nothing to talk about". Apparently, every single possible thing he could ever talk to me about has already been said. It really doesn't help that we have little in common. At one point, he actually left the room during 'alone time' to go raid with his guild...that made me cry right there.

His addiction also prevents him from seeing friends at times and stops him from looking for work (he still lives with his parents who enable his behavior); he will only go out and put in applications when his parents verbally abuse him enough. So he has no money...I'd say I could count on one hand the number of dates he has taken me on in the four years we've been together due to his lack of job and resulting lack of money. But I am a low-maintenance person and don't require my guy to spend money on me, so he really lucked out there. He plays this game from the time he wakes up until he goes to sleep, getting up to use the bathroom, to get food, to get drink, or to come and pick me up. And the rare occasion he goes down the block to see his buddy.

I have spoken to him about his behavior more than once, and even told him if he kept it up when I graduated that we wouldn't last long. He got all butt-hurt over that, which leads me to believe he does not see his addiction as a problem. I cringe to think of what kind of future I have with this man - I love him, but I cannot afford to support his ass-sitting when there are bills, rent and loan debts to be paid. He will honestly need to go either mooch off one of our friends or live at a homeless shelter if he can't find a job eventually.

Due to his constant neglect, I have also developed feelings for two other men since he began his constant gaming...not just fleeting, superficial crushes, but profound attachments. I am battling one of said crushes right now, actually. I never told my BF about these crushes out of fear it would worsen things between us...but he doesn't know just how much of an impact his addiction is having on me. I was madly in love with only him before he began his obsessive gaming habits, so I do feel the game is to blame. Everyone else whom I have asked about this says to leave him, but I just can't up and throw away four years with this man. I want to exhaust every possible option for recovery before calling it quits.

I don't know what to do. Yelling at him doesn't help, crying helps temporarily, and a breakup is much too extreme. Anyone have any advice? I'm really at the end of my rope and I don't want to keep falling in love with other men. I don't want him to quit playing because I know his life sucks and the game brings him a bit of joy...I just want him to play in moderation so he is not neglecting me, his friends, or his employment.
Posted on 07/14/09, 01:07 am