Video Game Addiction Support Group

To those who responded I thank you kindly. I am now going to write an update on what has been since I last posted.

Well, all I can say to begin this post is, I exploded. I did. I woke up to use the rest room at 3 am and my husband was on the computer. I woke up in the morning around 10am, and he is still on the computer. I go to bed by 12 am, and still he is on the computer. Basically, it never ends. He says he will change, and yet he is on all the time. Even when we go out he actually asks for permission from the game host in order to be able to log off. Do not get me wrong, but come on it is a game a simple game, and having ask for "permission" just through me over the edge. I flipped. So I exploded with rage and strong words. I know that maybe it was not the right way to go, but I guess sometimes things just build up to the point of no return. Either way, after such a confrontation and many uncontrolled tears on my part he finally told me that he will indeed go back to school and try to finish his degree. I must say that I actually believed him. Yes, I know he is always making promises and brakes them every time, and yet, as a fool I still believe him. This time he went to the school, claimed to like it. All was set up, but then he stated that he did not wish to begin. So he backed out. Now he says that he will definetely go the following semester in September. Yet a week and a half has passed and he not only has not bothered to finish the application, but has not even called the people to get it ready things started. So now I am begining to doubt again. All he has done since is increase his gaming time even more. Now he sleeps a mere 2 hours if even that. When we go shopping we are timed because he must get home in time for his "meetings" for the game. I have lost him. I feel it. A part of me even knows it. Sometimes I actually walk into the living room and walk, just walk to see if he even notices that I am there, but he does not. We used to eat dinner at the table, that is no longer happening. I even tried to use my own computer, which is the one he took over for his game, although I need it for school, and I get kicked out because he wants to play. Now I have to spend my time in the back room on my laptop. He no longer showers once a week. In fact it has been almost two weeks since, and the smell is to the point of nausea. Our savings have gone dry, our checking is almost empty, and starting september checks will bounce. I am pregnant and am not due till October, and am now, although in high risk pregnacy and having contractions, looking for employment because he does not wish to get a part time job. I lost, I have lost.
Today is the first time that I really have decided to just give up. I do not know if that is the best way to deal with a game addict, but I have decided to stop begging him to go out with me. Stop asking and pleading for him to be a father to his children. To just stop asking completely. I cannot do it. I have grown so miserable. All I keep thinking is It is just a game, a stupid game. I try to understand, but I do not. He says it is me, that I am just seeing things the way they are not. That he is happy and that he loves us and is there for us. But how can that be, when I am alone. I sleep alone, wake up alone. I make sure we eat, or the apartment is clean, or bills get paid because all he does is sit on the chair and plays. He has broken 4 chairs already because of the constant weight. He was complaining of heat because we cannot afford AC for the apartment, so I had to buy him a fan to use while he was on the computer. Maybe it is my fault somehow. I enabled his every whim too much. I just wanted to be a good wife. I wanted him to know that he was loved and that he had a strong family. And now all I got is just another body that from time to time eats, makes a mess because he just throws his trash on the floor for me to pick up. I give up.
Come January when I am strong enough to go on, if nothing has changed, nothing at all. If he has not gone back to school or gotten a part time job, or done anything to be part of our family, I feel as if there is nothing left for me to do than to file for DIVORCE. What else can I do. Love is not enough, children are not enough, I am not enough. And in the end I have become bitter, resentful, and so depressed. I cannot and will not. I am sorry for those who face this addiction. For those who claim there is no such thing, I hope that they never come face to face with such cruel reality check. Because it hurts. It hurts more than anything. To see someone you love and be able to do NOTHING. To know that nothing you do or say will make a difference. To know that they are getting sucked in deeper and deeper into this dreadful addiction, and there is little that can be done. It does not matter now. I have nothing left to fight for except my children and my own life. The sad part is, that I still love him, that I still wish against all odds that he does wake up before it is too late. Before I leave. I just wish that I would have never had let it get this far. I should have fought harder, tried harder, but now all I can say is that I have beaten by a mechanical device and by people from all over the US who plays this ridiculous game. I hope he will be happy. I hope that one day I can forgive myself and him. I hope that one day this anger and sorrow that I feel will ease on my heart.
For now all I can say is I GIVE UP.
Posted on 06/14/09, 01:06 pm