Video Game Addiction Support Group

Hello.

I'm embarrassed to say that I'm exactly in your situation. My husband of 12 years is a big time WOW addict. I feel it's my fault to let this happen, since he has been on-and-off addict with different games, and I could not stop him completely.
Whenever I talk about this problem, he either ignores me or becomes upset, and I end up crying.
Why am I the bad guy here?

speaking from a gamers point of view. neither of you is the bad guy, nor the one that's wrong. you both have reason to be pissed about a person neglecting their responsibilities. this is a drug addiction with a game substituted. treat it like you would any other addiction. an intervention may be in order. or some sort of AA (they have it for everything now.) I personally play WoW and like it, but it gets to a point where playing that much is stupid (in fact i tire playing it). If all else fails dont feel bad to give "the" a ultimatum. especially you "diewowdie" if it has gotten to the point where he even neglects his own children, then it might be time to seriously reconsider if its still worth even putting up with it. And im not telling you to go and run to get some divorce papers, but i'm telling you that you have to really think about the effects of his habit is taking on your family (especially the kids.) My mother woulda thrown the computer off a balcony without giving it a second though, and she'd be right. lol

I went through this two years ago with my wife. We don't have kids, so it was a little different. I also suspect she was becoming romantically involved with some of the man she was playing with. A girl gamer gets a lot of attention.

We came close to breaking up, and I almost went to get divorce papers on more than one occation.

I believe going to Cabo saved us. We had been planning a trip to a resort in Cabo for a number of months, before everything came to a head. It all blew up about three months before the trip and I wasn't sure we were going to make it. We almost didn't go at all. I'm glad we did. Having 10 days with no English language TV and no computers made a huge difference. With just each other for entertainment, we reconnected. After the trip things got better. It wasn't fixed overnight, but it did help. I'm not sure we could have made it without that trip to remind us why we got married in the first place.

That's not to say she didn't go back to playing within two days, but it got less and less. Now she plays games, but she understands that the family has to come first.

Thanks reshad17 and tjleeland.

I have asked him to seek help before, which hasn't help but only caused him to shut me out even more, and it feels like there is nothing I can do anymore.

It's not fair for our kids to be ignored day after day.

I think I need to talk to a counselor to save my sanity, and try to stop this from ruining our beautiful kids.

I am going through this too. I am so sorry you have to deal with it. I started seeing a counselor and she told me that I should set my life up so that the kids are taken care of regardless of what my husband decides to do...just like I'm a single parent. otherwise the kids suffer. Its even harder for the fact that my husband has seen what I've been doing and doesn't like being shut out, so he makes all these promises that he might not be able to keep. I'm on pins and needles with trying to trust him but knowing that his addiction to this game is so strong that he might not follow through. His guild on the game is almost like a cult...they make him feel bad if he doesn't show up every day for hours. Its such a bad game. I hope that you all find peace.

I am so glad that I am not the only one that feels this way. I don't want to leave my husband either, but I just can't take it anymore. He will spend 1 hour with the kids and the rest of the time is play WOW. I have to beg him to spend time with us. My husband is 32 with 3 kids also, 2 are ours and 1 from previous girlfriend. He always loved video games, but they always ended and he took a break from them. WOW is never ending. I wish that someday WOW will fall of the end of the earth, never to be seen again. Our children miss there father too. Your right it's not fair. I want my husband back.
Thank you for posting this, you have made me smile today!

I am so glad I found there are other women out there going through exactly what I am!!
My husband spends his nights stoned playing xbox! I have tried patience but I am at my wits end tossing it up in my head whether it's worth going on like this I feel like a solo mother bringing up the kids

Staek, solo mother is how I've been feeling like for a loooong time.

Recently, our electricity was disrupted due to some nearby construction mishaps, and of course, he couldn't play his game for a while. He freaked out.
I thought it was a 'sign', a sign that he needs to see.
Nope.
He found his way, and started playing right away.

I'm in search of a good therapist.

staek,

Gee, thanks for including me. My experience not welcome because I'm a guy?

I have been around addicts many times. I can tell you that it doesn't matter what matter to what they are addicted. If it causes the person to withdrawal from the family, it's a problem. Really, it doesn't matter if it's video games, golf, or going out drinking with friends every night.

I hate ultimatums, but at some point, you have to force the other person to make a choice. I came home one day and told my wife that I had experienced an epiphany while driving home. I realized that I had been trying to change her for the past several months, and that I had no right to do that. At the same time, it seems that her priorities had changed, and that I was struggling to deal with that. I said that I loved her, and felt that she was a great person who I was happy to have met and married; however, I deserved someone that wanted to spend time with me. It was nothing personal, but I owed it to myself to move on so that I could be happy.

The key things were, in my opinion, that I approached the conversation from a unemotional and blameless place. I just told her that I need to make a change since I wasn't happy anymore -- and that I owed it to myself to be happy.

I would tell him that you understand that he has a new interest that really excites him and makes him happy. Unfortunately, it’s just not compatible with your idea of what a family should be. It’s time to go your separate ways so you can both be happy.

But, you have to mean it. You have to be ready to walk away. That is the only time you every have power. I would have had the divorce papers in my hand if it had been a weekday rather than a Saturday afternoon. And, you DO deserve to be happy. You're better off alone than with someone that doesn't want to spend time with you.

It had a profound effect. It didn't fix things overnight, but I do believe it was the first step in get her to understand the impact she was having on us. But, it only got through to her because I didn’t yell at her or blame her, or ask her to change. This was after nine months of telling her how much she had to change and how much she was destroying the relationship, which never got through.