What is Video Game Addiction
Game addiction is a form of psychological addiction related to a compulsive use of computer and video games, most notably MMORPGs - open ended, online video games known for their d...
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I'm new-my boyfriend is addicted
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Hi,
I'm new to this but have read such great advice that I felt I had to tell my story and see what others think. Sometimes I wonder if my bf is right and I am obsessive, clingy or a nag. We've been together a year and rent our own house. When we got together I knew that my bf played games a lot but didn't realise it was such an issue. When we first together he was unemployed so I would go out to work each day and he would spend the day playing games. He would play til about 3am and being a new relationship I would sit up and wait for him to finish before we went to bed then he wouldn't get up the next day til 2 or 3 pm and so it continued. After a while he got a job and things got easier but gradually the gaming has become just too much. If he's not trying to cut down on playing or I'm not nagging the first thing he has to do when he comes in from work is get on his game. If he has it his way he plays from then until late at night/early hours of the morning and doesn't spend any time with me at all or doing anything else. At weekends it's the first thing he has to do and again nothing else gets done. He doesn't help me round the house or look after himself-I do everything but he still tells me that he wishes I would take more care of myself like going to the gym etc. He also says that I should be grateful that he's made this committment of having a house with me and not moan! When I ask him to cut down he says that he needs his own free time and that I am suffocating him and never let him do his own thing. Truth is I would love him to do anything without me, just not games. They stop him doing the things he wants to do, make him neglect me and our relationship and don't even make him that happy. So eventually I had enough. i've tried everything-talking to him about his problem and my feelings where he admits he's been out of order and tells me he doesn't want to be this person and that he'll change. It lasts maybe a couple of days. So I tried ignoring it because he said the only reason he plays so much is because I nag him when he does but that didn't change things-just gave him a reason to keep playing. Finally I told him how unhappy I was and again his consciounce kicked in and he agreed to reduce his time on games. I asked him what he felt was acceptable game playing time in a week and he told me to which I agreed. The first day that he was not meant to play there he was and when I raised the point the it was a 'day off' normal arguments follow. So finally I left-I told him that I was sick of being ignored for a game etc etc and that I wanted him to move out. I left for the day to give him time to go but late that night he tracked me down. He admitted that he had an addiction-like heroin (his words) and that he couldn't be without me and wouldn't let me go without a fight. He then promised that he would give up games completely and told me to delete everything-throw it all away. So I came home and it last a week. What a great week though-we got on brilliantly, spent quality time together, he spent more time looking after himself and working extra to strengthen his career then the first day of the weekend came and he just couldn't survive a whole day. So I told him that if he played the game he had just downloaded it was over, no going back like last time. We spent a good few hours arguing after which he didn't install it but after asking him whether I could delete it again he has said no. That he wants it there for when he plays again eventually to save time installing it all again. So here I am again. I know that it won't be long before he plays it again-that may sound negative to some or like I'm not giving him a chance but I've been here many many times before. I know he loves me dearly and I can't imagine life without him, when he's not playing games I know he's the man I can spend my life with but I can't keep on like this. So I need advice on what to do when he starts playing again? How do you make someone realise they're addicted and make steps to change? He's agreed to come to relationship counselling with me which I know is a positive step and he's having his own counselling as he suffers depression, which again is really positive and I'm so glad he's doing it but it doesn't seem to be helping with his addiction. I don't want to have to split up but right now it seems so hopeless, what can I do? I'm sorry this is so long, didn't mean to ramble so much Posted on 07/13/09, 01:07 pm |
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To me it seems like you have been on the right track all along.
I am in a similar situation, and I am way too submissive to break up with him, plus somehow I feel I'd rather be miserable with him than without him - what can I say, I'm crazy in love... But I admire your ability to stand up to yourself. But to get back to what you are doing - the fact that you have managed to stand your ground and tell him to move out, shows that you know what you deserve and you are trying to do what is necessary to reach it. I know how great it is to hear a guy like that have his temporary wake up call about how important you are to him, and I would totally take him back too at that point. But here is what I think you need to once again stand your ground. He told you he would stop playing, so why would he have to keep the game for "future needs"? Stand your ground on this and tell him that you were willing to try given he wasn't playing, and that it seems obvious that he isn't going to stick to his end of the bargain - so why should you? I know, easier said than done, but you need to keep standing your ground. You risk loosing him if he doesn't have the wish to get himself into a better situation - but IF that happens, you are free to find a man who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. As for saying that you are nagging and all of that - it is just what someone who doesn't want to take responsibility for the outcome of their actions will do. Truth is, he probably made you feel so bad that it just makes perfect sense that you are bitter and frustrated - and now he is trying to make YOU feel bad for HIS lack of attention and care about you. Try your best not to let that get to you - it sounds like pure manipulation to me. He is just trying to make you feel bad so you will leave him alone and stop making him feel bad about his faulty behavior. Well, his behavior is fine I guess, if being single is his goal in life (or if he likes being emotionally abusive.) You owe it to yourself to do whatever you need to make yourself feel better. If he isn't going to care about how you feel, then it is not fair that you should be wasting your love and care on him. I really hope you can make it work, since that is what you seem to want. The fact that he is talking to someone and trying to solve his emotional issues shows that he cares a lot about the whole situation - so that's great. But don't let him make you feel bad about feeling the way you do - just because he can't handle knowing his actions made you feel like that. He has to take some responsibility. Depressed or not, he can't put it all on you. Honestly, if you aren't somewhat depressed by this all I would be somewhat surprised myself - so once again, DON'T let him make you feel bad for feeling the way you do. 
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It seems that you are really trying to make things work but he isn't meeting you half way. I don't think you are a nagger but he is making you feel really bad by spending quality time with the game instead with you, he spends so many hours on the computer and not give you any time. I love playing games but I also know what my priorities are; I take care of those things first and then what time I have left, I can sit and play (I don't have a boyfriend or kids, just two cats). It sounds like he likes playing the games just to ignore you and make you upset, but I wonder how he'll feel if you played games all the time and not give him any attention? you do all that you can make things easy and he thinks that life revolves around playing video games. Leave him for good, think about yourself and maybe you can find another boyfriend who is more responsible.
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My name is safire I have 2 kids and one in the oven. We are homeless. My husband is a gamer he makes a lot of promises about cutting back but he wont give it up and its a constant rollercoaster. BEFOR YOU EVER GET TOO SERIOUS THINK ABOUT THIS IF HE PROPOSES TO YOU AND YOUR ON A GAMERS COASTER DONT DO IT! If you have a family in the future he will not be thier it will afect the whole family and you will be prego and working wile hes playing games and you on top of that will have to finde child care 4 ur kids becuz hes obviously 2 buisy. save yourself the trouble unless he can go a year or more with out the games and be working befor proposeing.
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