Video Game Addiction Support Group

My addiction problems are with just regular video games, but there are some similarities. I guess, from what you say, that at least one of the issues for him is that he is depressed because he does not like his work and, thus, he plays WOW as an escape into a virtual world where he feels important and needed. Many addictions have underlying causes and this may be one of them for him. I suggest counseling, from somebody who is familiar with gaming addiction, for him to determine what these issues are and how to deal with them.

As for him wanting to go to school, that is great. You say that he can. Well, perhaps you need to talk with him about how you think that the two of you can make that happen. If he is doing something that he enjoys doing, e.g., going to school, that may diminish or remove his need to play. Also, if he does not like his job and you have not already done so, you should talk to him about that as well to see what he does not like about it (i.e., is it his co-workers, the job itself, etc.) and what he can do about it.

It sounds like you are already doing a lot to educate yourself and to help yourself by helping others (e.g., answering 3-5 questions per day on a site). As such, my response is likely fairly standard and probably does not say anything that you don't already know. Although I am far from a expert in anything related to your problems (FYI, I am a computer programmer and mathematician), I will certainly try to help you more (as I am sure other people on this site will as well) if give us more details and ask more specific questions.

Good luck.

jo, thank you for responding.
i think you're right about the need to escape from work stress to where he feels important and needed---there are times where he can't do things because his "guild/raid group/friends is/are counting on his help". that's one of the things that hurts the most. i want to say "i count on you, too. i need you, too." but somehow it never comes out. i just DON'T understand why he can't get off whenever. i guess i sort of get finishing up and the getting off...but i've waited for a very, very long time for him to "finish up" before we go do X or go out to X or meet up with X...granted there are times where he says "okay guys i have to go" and then he comes and we do whatever..but i know he's still thinking about it.
we recently went away on our first vacation, to celebrate our 5th anniversary, and they were 4 perfect days. but as soon as we got home, within 5 minutes of getting in the door...he was back on the game, nevermind that my dad had been housesitting for us and was still there waiting to hear all about it.
ARRGH!! i'm getting off track! it's just so nice to be able to let it all out here..
anyway, he doesn't like his job because he's overworked and underpaid. he does both IT and accounting for a major east coast distributer. he loves the IT stuff though--anything with computers he digs. i've told him about a program at my school that's specifically for internet securites (supposedly a 7.5 billion dollar a year problem, so people are in high demand who can do that stuff) and he was interested, but doesn't want to go to my school for whatever reason. (my guess is the distance, i commute about 45 mins. so not bad, right? especially when he can do community college for 2 years and then transfer-the com. school is about 20 away or less.)
he doesn't think he can go to school till i'm finished with mine (should be by december) and get a good job. he doesn't think he can afford school. his grandmother has offered to pay some, he's a veteran so that should help, and he can apply for financial aid if there's anything left over. i've explained this to him, many times over the past 5 years. honestly, i think he's scared to make that change. do you think that's a valid conclusion?
i also think you're right that once he goes, the gaming will drop or cease. he really, really wants to go.
i've looked up and saved other jobs in his field that are closer to where we live (he commutes about an hour), but then he doesn't want to see them. i think it only stresses him out more.
i also suffer from depression problems. i've been dealing with it for nearly 13 years, with counselling on and off, and medication too. it's affected my job skills, it's affected my schooling (i've been going for 7 friggen years..) and it's affected our relationship. he hasn't left me yet, and he loves me and understands (though it's frustrating being the one primarily financially stable, i'm sure) so certainly i owe him the same amount of faith. i love him so dearly, i just wish he knew how much he means to our friends, and how they miss him when he doesn't come out. i try to tell him, but i don't know what he thinks. he's not very open with feelings, my guess is because he had a pretty difficult childhood and adolesence.
so...specifics...
~~how do i get strong and put my foot down, and stop enabling the back to back HOURS of playing?
~~what suggestions are there for broaching the subject of therapy?
~~how do i focus on myself and finish my darn schooling once and for all? i try so much to focus on the good that will come out of finishing, but i just dread school so much. which stinks because there are others, like my BF, who desperately want to be there, and would willingly take my place?
thank you for any advice, and for reading all my rambles. i'm sorry if i run on, it's just so nice to get it all out.

lil429, here are my suggestions on a few of the questions that you ask. First, I do suspect that he is scared to make the change of going back to school. I know myself that change, even for the better, can be scary. Concerns that he may have include being able to pay for the school (despite your reassurances, he may not be completely confident that everything can be covered), whether or not he will be successful in the classes, how long it will take for him to get a job afterwards, what sort of pay he will get, what his advancement potential is, how much he will enjoy this new job, etc. I suggest that you provide support for him and ask him to tell you what his concerns are.

One thing that I don't understand from your post is that if he does not like his job and there are other similar ones available, why does not check them out? Perhaps it is fear again. He may be concerned that he will be rejected in trying to get a new job. Also, he may fear that the new job may be even worse than the one that he has now. However, this is not more than speculation since I cannot tell very well from what you have said.

In answer to your last few questions:
1. Do not be an enabler. Do not do his work for him if he is playing video games. I am not sure what your division of house work is like but try to make sure that you do not do his share. Otherwise, you are making it easier for him to keep playing. If you stop doing his laundry, cooking or other such things, he may change his behaviour.
2. In communications, I have usually found that the best approach is to be fairly direct instead of beating around the bush. Nonetheless, timing is also fairly important, especially for potentially touchy subjects like getting counseling. I suggest that you try to wait until he is giving you his full attention and is in a fairly good mood.
3. I know from personal experience that it is not easy to finish school if you don't have your heart in it. In high school, I was not sure what I wanted to do but I was very good in math so I got a bachelor's degree in mathematics. However, I was still not sure afterwards so I then started a master's degree in mathematics, thinking that doing getting this degree and getting involved in research was the answer. Well, about half way through I realized that I wanted to be a computer programmer (that is my occupation now, about 17 years later). I did not want to quit, I did not want to switch to another program (I could have tried to get a computer science master's degree, but I would have had to almost start over again) and I also did not want to continue in my current studies. I ended up finally finishing, but it took almost an extra year. The problem is that once I finished my classes, there was no concrete deadline for my thesis. I kept putting it off. However, I did not give up and I did eventually finish. As for yourself, I suggest that you do the same. You said that you will finish in Decemember. Well, that is only 6 months away. Just focus on the end result instead of the journey there and that should help you reach your goal. Good luck.

Well I am a wow addict. However I am able to balance life and wow. You might need to help him find his balance. Don't get me wrong I would love to just work and play wow. But then I would be divorced and in the end misreable.. Show some support by asking him to teach you to play and try to set some boundaries as to his playing habits.

Hey Lil429 and other readers
I am a ex wow addict. I used to play when i got in from school untill 2 am leaving me no time for sleep and it was almost killing me.

Wow is like drugs in some aspects, including that you either give your life up for it or dont play at all. When you begin the game you can flick it off at a switch, however when you get into the guilds and raids, if you flick the switch you face being kicked from your guild and losing progress. I would be forced to sit for 4 hour + sessions with my group just doing boring tasks that i somehow found amazingly interesting.

The one thing that hooked me so badly was the sense of achievement, i could do work and feel crap with myself or i could go back into that virtual world and run around with my fit avatar, destroying dungeons and achieving great heights. This false sense of achievement did have a bitter aftertaste however it was like a drug and i was hooked, i felt really good about myself when i progressed further and further into the game.

I managed to break this by just seeing how hooked i was, and my friends also supported me with tough love. I hated it how my family would not be able to interact with em, and when i was i was wishing i was somewhere else. I also realized i was ostracizing myself from my friends and losing many of them (which i still regret to this day). This self insight was a major part in me quitting however my friend who also quit around that time (forced by his parents) was just repeatedly telling me i was a fool for investing hours of time to fill a CEO's pocket and change a few bits of data.

Im not really sure how you will be able to get through this with your boyfriend but you might want to just remind him that he is loved, and try to just get him to take a few raids out of his schedule to start. Make sure he has no plans to go on the server or talk to guildmates either, as that only leads to more trouble.

Maybe do other things which would make him feel good about himself, achieving stuff. Going to school would be great however that would probably be a bit long term, WOW is a very short term rewarding thing.

Another thing could be to just tell him that it is hurting you how he plays the game all the time, and let him speak to someone who has quit and give him a big hug.

I wish you good luck on this battle of yours as i can understand any wow addict like i was would be a pain to be in a relationship with.

If you have any more questions about how i quit (its 2 am here so my reply is a bit sketchy) feel free to ask.

My husbands addicted to WOW and other games (i forget the term but something like multi mass games). We found out through therapy it is his escape. He has social issuses and low self esteem. Going on a game he can just turn it off if someone says something he doesnt like and raiding he felt needed and able to help ppl. He is a different person when he plays. Hes very shy but when he gets on games he acts different and talks different. Our therapist said its because theres a screen between him and other ppl. He stopped playing in may and held it against me. He said you either play as much as you want (because raids last 4+ hours sometimes) or you dont play at all. My girls were down for the summer and they like to play (he got them hooked) and so he got back into it himself. its an ongoing stuggle for us and its been going on since 2004. we were told to take anything 'gaming' related out of the house because its like taking a drug addict to a crack house too tempting.

My boyfriend is addicted to CS and he does the same thing. The way I've talked to him about it is just telling him how I feel. My boyfriend also suffers from some slight depression and the game is just a scape goat, but I've also confronted him on that too. I told him that maybe he just needs to talk to someone, which he has, and it's helped. I never has told him it was either me or the game, and I don't believe you should either. You guys love each other and you can work it out. I think you guys just need to have a serious heart to heart. If you've tried this already let me know cause I have other methods too. I've been dealing with his addiction for a long time so I have many things you can try.

ypu can tell him about guild wars its free to play online its like 30 bucks for prophicies and goes up 10 bucks for factions then another 10 for nightfall and its pretty sick to but i havent played wow so i dont know if it compares to it but i freakin love it

The simple fact of video game addiction, especially in fantastical games like World of Warcraft or Everquest is that the game world is simply a better existence than the real world. I'm not saying the gamer can't tell the difference, but seriously consider for a moment how much more interesting our world would be if nobody ever died, everyone could fly on magical griffins or own their own horse, pillage dungeons and castles and take whatever they find, and walk around all day in shiny majestic armor.

The world depicted in epic fantasy games is better. It's more interesting, more entertaining, and certainly less stressful and monotonous than real life. It's all this that you're trying to compete with to win your husband's favor over the game, and truthfully, you'll never win unless he decides the game no longer is appealing.

my husband hid the gaming when we met, then it came seeping out, immediatly evercrack was cut off, well WOW replaced it, as well as halo and final fantasy, it would get bad, we would fight, it would get better, it would get bad again, this has been going on for 2 years, well, one day he lied and said he had to work and went to game at a friends, so i took every gaming system and accesory out of the house and sold it, shredded all pc game discs, and when he came home gave him a choice, well hes been relatively pissy but the gaming is gone, i think saying you cant/wont leave him only lets him know you cant do anything about it, i guess its kinda enabling, i ran everyhting, cleaned, cooked, payed bills, all he had to do was exist, i think the non addicted person has to keep with that role and take charge, i am now also seeking counseling for him to help cope with the withdrawl, its hard, i have cried many times to think of not being with him, but you must think of what it really means to be with these gamers when all they do is game, i also am now 7 months pregnant and must think of that, i would rather raise my son alone for real than have to extend those "hes tired" from just telling my friends to telling my kids. hang in there but remember you ARE more important than a blinky screen, dont waste your life fighting with that blinky screen