Vasectomy Support Group

I chose to have a vasectomy (I refer to it as "The Worst Mistake of My Life") for similar reasons. I didn't want my wife to keep taking birth control pills, and I didn't feel like investing a fortune in condoms. Suffice it to say that my gut screamed "no!" and I mentally overrode it because I assumed I was having a normal man's reaction to the thought of having his testicles cut on. BIG! MISTAKE! I ended up in mental h-e-double-hockey-stix. I gave it a couple of months to see if these were normal feelings that would fade with time, but they only intensified. I went from being a likeable, fairly happy person to being a complete arse that would bite your head off as soon as look at you. I felt like a neutered dog; like I was no longer a real man. Since my peace of mind is at the absolute top of my priority list, I decided within two months to have that worthless insult to my body undone. Unfortunately, my surgeon tells me that one must wait a full six months after the fact before undergoing a reversal, so as to allow one's body to get as close to "normal" again as possible. Now that I have this bright spot on my horizon, I am doing much, much better. I strongly advocate your husband look into a vasovasostomy (vasectomy reversal). If his peace of mind alone isn't a good enough reason, look into "antisperm antibodies" and what is now being learned about their effect on a man's immune system. Hope this helps!

P.S. - I just realized that you were looking for a wife's/partner's opinion - my apologies. Cheers!

Many thanks for that! I'm glad you've taken the descision to have the reversal opp, and I'd support my husband if he wanted the same, although here in ireland the reversal is not available, we'd have to travel. But, i would love to know what it is makes it 'the worse descision of your life' and what drove you to mental hell, what has the vasectomy changed - apart from the obvious?

My pleasure :)

The operation itself and the psychological aftereffects are what drove me into mental hell. It changed my entire self-image. The ingredients, if you will, are the following.

1.) I did not have it done because "I" wanted it done. This created a sense that someone else decided it would be done. Not entirely accurate, but there you are.

2.) Like your husband, I feel like I have "lost my alpha male status;" that I am no longer a whole man because my fertility was interfered with in a way that nature never intended. This is also what fueled my "feel like a neutered dog" remark.

3.) I feel as if I have been untrue to myself because I have a firm no-messing-with-my-body policy. I have no tattoos, no piercings, no body modifications of any kind.

4.) I feel as if the doctor, for his bit, talked me into the surgery when I expressed doubts. I feel as though he was not honest with me and that he was not nearly as forthcoming with information as he ought to have been. I feel I was deceived. If I had known half the stuff I know now (viz. health ramifications) BEFORE I let that quack have a go, I would NEVER have agreed to it.

These make up the almost constant thought patterns that have dominated my conscious mind ever since. Thus I refer to it as mental hell. :/

I would say, though, that the most stand-out factor is the way my whole self-image changed for the worse. My self esteem took a great blow, and I cannot view myself in a positive light, no matter how hard I try. My logical mind knows that I am not defined by the status of my reproductive system, but I have belatedly learnt that the need to be able to father offspring (even if you don't - just knowing you CAN) is hard-wired into my very DNA, as I suspect it is hard-wired into the DNA of most if not all men. Had the ability faded over the years as nature intended, that would be a different animal altogether. But the fact that it has been suddenly and unnaturally taken from me is beyond what my psyche can handle. Even if I never father another child, I need to know that I could father one. Another note that may be of interest: I read (I cannot recall where, but it was online) that about half the men who have vasectomies never tell anyone about it, and I can only guess as to why (sarcasm there, on the chance you didn't catch it :) ). Apparently, studies are suggesting that as much as 70% of men who have vasectomies experience this same sort of deep regret, but that they never say anything about it out of embarrassment.

I spoke to a therapist once about my situation, and he suggested I try to move past it by "working it out" through journal entries and so on. All that did was confirm in my mind that I didn't want to "move on" or in any other way accept, rationalize, or embrace what had been done to my body.

Now that my decision to reverse things has been firmly made, I've stopped looking in the mirror and muttering "idiot!" I still have to fight down some fairly large waves of negativity at times as I know I will not be happy until my reproductive organs are put 100% right again, but at least the light is clearly visible at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

I have found a microsurgeon here in the US who performs no surgeries other that vasectomy reversals. His clinic is independent, and his fee is only $1,700.00 USD compared to the next-best estimate of roughly $6,000.00 USD. I can send you more information if you'd like (and no, it isn't me lol.) I hope this is helpful, and if you have any other questions please feel free to ask!

Well Thanks, your response is certainly insightful, and bears possibly more than one or two similarities to my husband's feelings. I think the fact that he did tell a lot of friends that he had it done, worsens the situation.

I'd love to know how having the reversal changes how you think/feel, when you get it done. And if the descision is taken here to go for the reversal, I'll devenitely look into your surgeon. Where's he located in the US?

Good Luck and enjoy the holidays! :)

I have a pretty firm feeling that, in my case, once my reversal has been completed I will feel like my old self. My reasoning for believing this is based on another experience... Last time I renewed my driver's license, I finally agreed to become an organ donor. I had never done this because the thought of it always gave me the heebie-jeebies. Well, I went ahead and had that little pink heart put on my license thinking that I'd get used to it, but all it did was weird me out each time I opened my wallet. After six months of feeling this way I decided that it wasn't worth messing with my peace of mind just to be an organ donor. I went back to the licensing agency and changed my status back to non-donor. Immediately I felt much better, as if all was put right with the world again. I'm betting that my vas reversal will accomplish the same thing. Check out this link:

http://www.microvasreversal.com

I'm reading the thread here and need to interject my experience. I sought out a vasectomy because my wife and I had all the children we wanted. I didn't really want her to have to take the pill longer than she needed to due to the health concerns with them and I knew that her having her tubes tied was a more complex procedure than a vasectomy. I felt I should take care of the need and did the responsible thing.
At first I thought things were okay but began noticing that my semen didn't seem to be as much as before (could have been mental vs. physical awareness). It didn't seem like my ejaculate was as forceful either (again could have mental vs. physical awareness). Was nice not to have to use birth control as a result.
Less than six years after having the vasectomy my wife and I are divorcing. Suddenly the decision to have the procedure becomes a source of regret. For the first time I realized that I had taken the steps to ensure their would be no more children together. I realize that if I were to meet someone and remarry and want to begin an additional family that I would have to have a reversal. On the contrary my ex-wife was still "complete" and could easily pursue children with a second husband. I feel like I have been robbed of my natural ability in the one area that a man has that connects him to being a male. The ability to spread his seed if you will. Now this might look like an ideal situation for not needing birth control but in any relationship protection is required anyway. If thy relationship develops into a love and children are wanted then the surgery will have to occur. This realization and loss of marital relationship has left me feeling robbed and incomplete. Call it Alpha Male or whatever, it still feels like something is lacking in my being a male.
Think about all that can happen in a relationship whether it could be good or bad before deciding to have the procedure done.

Thanks for your message Jeepcrg, I do sympathise with your situation, believe me, however just want to say that you might be getting a divorce, but you still actually do have kids, and if a new relationship blossoms into love and you want more then the success rate for the reverse opp is good, take a look at the link provided by McLaren in a previous message. Surely the doctor asked you to consider possible divorce along with the possible death of your children and what you would do in those circumstances before you had the opp, I know ours did, and thats the benefit of hindsight I suppose. Well good luck to you, hopefully you will find new love but remember also the many, many kids at home and abroad who need a home and loving parents, so adoption is also an option for folks in this situation.
I'd still love to hear a female wife/ partners perspective on the subject.

my husband had his done before our daughter was born and he has had no regrets. He even tells others that its been the best thing he had done. Does he feel less than a man? I asked him and he just smiled and said what do you think dear. If he were any more of a man he'de need it removed. lol.I think alot of it has to do with how they felt about it in the first place..I really don't know only how my husband tells me he feels.