What is Trying-To-Conceive
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Im so mad.....
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I am so mad.
I'm mad because everyone around me can get pregnant at the drop of a hat. I'm mad because everyone says "Hey Andrea when are you gonna have one?" I'm so mad that if one one person tells me that the reason I'm not getting a BFP is because I am trying to hard I'm gonna snap. I'm mad because my 15 year old nephew got his girlfriend pregnant and they are both dropping out of HS. I'm in college, working on 2 degrees, holding a 4.0, working full time, and watching my sisters children grow up. I'm mad because I hear of child abuse and neglect yet god still graced those couples with a precious life. I'm mad because I am doing everything right in my life and still no BFP. I'm mad because I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with (that had no kids) and have been trying to get preggo for more then 2 years and nothing..... I'm so mad at myself because I have a special box stored in my basement of baby clothes and blankets that I couldn't pass up. No one knows what it is but me. (I think I'm crazy) I'm even mad at my sister because she is saving all her little girls cute clothes for me in a box in her basement for when I have a little girl. I'm mad because I'm crying over something that I have no control over. I'm so mad because I'm not a mommy yet. I'm so mad that women like me have to pray everyday just to have something such as a BFP happen to them just at-least once in their lives, that that's all they think about. Im so mad because I feel that I am the one woman in the crowd raising my hands to heaven shouting "PICK ME I WOULD BE THE PERFECT MOMMY" I'm so happy to have this support group where women just like me are shouting the exact same thing. I'm so happy when I hear of one of my fellow support~sisters getting a BFP! I'm not even jealous. I know my day will come. Thank you for allowing me to vent! Posted on 09/28/09, 08:09 am |
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everything you said, is what i have wanted to say.and that i question every day..yesterday i went hiking to this cliff with my dh and i almost wanted to scream, GIVE ME A FREAKIN BREAK ALREADY! i almost cant take it ne more..months and months and months go by..and still we have nothing.. but baby dust to you xo 
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Wow did your post hit home for me. We are about to hit the two year mark also. We did get pregnant once (after trying for over a year) but that unfortunately ended in miscarriage at 10 1/2 weeks so now we are not sure I can sustain a pregnancy even if we do get pregnant. Oh, and we are back to the waiting game and those horrible negative pregnancy tests.
About a week ago, my husband and I ended up at a party and also attending the party were eight cute little babies and one pregnant woman who got pregnant the first time they tried while she was still smoking! I sobbed the entire way home from the party and for much of the rest of that day. It feels so unfair. I am turning 39 next week. At this point, we would just like ONE child. And yes, I am mad. I am so sorry for your pain. The one thing that does help me is to just stay so busy I cannot think about it. In addition to my full time job, I have been making a lot of quilts lately and have certainly engrossed myself in a lot of books. Hang in there. You really hit home for me with your post. Every single thing you said you were mad about were things I too am mad about. Hopefully we will both receive some baby dust soon. Hugs!
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You pulled these thoughts out of my mind... I question this every day. I used to thank God every day for the good things in my life and then last week, he ripped away our miracle at 7 weeks. I was devastated. Why does God do this to women who want something to badly and are doing everything in their power to achieve it? I don't smoke, I don't drink, I eat healthy, I exercise, I chart my temps, I take my vitamins... WHAT ELSE DOES HE WANT FROM ME??
I dunno the answers... but know you aren't alone.
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That is a great post...and I am sure healing to vent.
I have felt like this all month. Although we did not try for long, when I got pregnant we lost the baby at 12 weeks and all I kept thinking about was an old friend I used to know who did drugs the ENTIRE pregnancy and had two healthy kids! I HATE HER. A woman at my work keeps asking me how I am and I watched her smoke through her whole pregnancy (to the point it made her vomit) and then have a healthy baby and I want to scream at her "I am not fine and why do YOU deserve a healthy baby and I do not..when I have not even taken an asprin in months!?". I have this problem seeing pregnant women as well and I am trying to calm myself down and realize that being jealous or angry is not helping me at all (I know, easier said than done). I think it is hard to come to terms with how the universe works in terms of handing out children. My sister is adopting now and I wonder why all those parents easily had kids which they then lost to the CAS because they didn't care about them. I guess that is just their path. I feel for you and wish you healing and baby dust!
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I know how much it hurts. We have been trying for 15 months now and it seems so hopeless sometimes. Not much really makes me feel better, except everyone on here, which is so amazing for me.
Hang in there, we are all here for you and living thru it. I had my IUI this morning and just found out my boss, who has 2 beautiful boys and just sold all of her baby stuff because she was done is indeed 8 weeks prego and said, well we were being really careful, but its our own stupidity. Are you kidding me? Its amazing! Hang in there hun, your miracle is coming!
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listen to ourselves..... We all want something so badly, there is nothing wrong with this but we all must remember that we all have different challenges for a reason. Thankfully we that have not been blessed with children yet have been able to find one another and share our stories and provide strength to those who need it.
I know it's so hard to watch someone who is so ungrateful to receive such a wonderful blessing as having a baby, their own baby in fact. But know this, when your time comes, and it will. Maybe not tomorrow, or in a year, or by your own person. But the moment you hold you child for the first time, the joy that will over swell in your heart. Know how eternally grateful you will be for that moment. You will give your child that love, and life worth living because you know how precious it is. Don't give up just live life, that's all we can really do. Exhale, and let your heart be at peace. But remember you are allowed to be angry, just be constructive about releasing it. You'll make it, we all will!
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Lotus - thanks so much for sharing this. I think it's amazing how much we all can relate as we share this journey. We all have our good days, our moments of venting, and moments to feel thankful for the current blessings in our lives. I too am grateful for this support network! *Baby dust!*
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Your post made me feel a little less guilty.
For a little while now i've been feeling the same way. The worst thing to say to me is that "it will happen when it is meant to", or "your trying to hard, be patient". Those words are ALWAYS uttered by someone who either got pregnant multiple times by mistake or the first time they actively tried! I've felt guilty for not appreciating these attempts at support. Sometimes you just want someone to cry with you and scream with you that life is not fair. Sometimes you just want to have the right to be upset about it and not find there to be a reason WHY it is happening. My brother-in-law is a prime example of someone who doesn't "deserve" the blessings he has been given. He is 22 and has 3 kids that he barely takes care of. Everytime a girl he's knocked up by "mistake". We've spent more time taking care of his kids than he has. Meanwhile, my husband and I struggle. The only blessing I find in any of this is knowing that we will all cherish, appreciate our miracle. It won't be just "another" mistake. P.S. I've been "nesting" since last Valentines day. I have a bassinet already put together, onesies, blankets, bibs, the list goes on. Don't feel guilty or embarassed...you are preparing for your baby that WILL come someday. For me, nesting is what is getting me through these infertle days. In the back of my mind it helps me think the reason we aren't pregnant yet is because we are still "preparing". I know this isn't reality...but it keeps me sane in an incredibly emotional time and keeps me focussed on the goal!
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OMG It touches my heart to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this. I wrote this because I needed someone, anyone to hear it. I'm tired of hearing the same stuff from the people around me. The biggest thing being that if I don't try, it will happen. Well I'm glad that we have this opportunity to really talk with people who understand what we are going through.
Those of you who have had miscarriages, you are in my heart. I fear that I wouldn't know what to do with that kind of loss. Thank you, all of you for everything you have said! You know some people say that if god wanted you to have a child then you would of had one. My question to them is the why did god make me want a child so badly. From this night on I will say a prayer before I go to bed.......And I will pray that a little bundle of happiness will find each and everyone of us. Baby dust to us all!
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Amen to you sister! Everything you said is exactly how I've been feeling and this group is the only thing getting me through this, because nobody who I tell about my problems they don't get it. They think it is so easy but it's not I can't believe how similiar our problems are, good luck to you...baby dust!
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