What is Trichotillomania Hair Pulling
Trichotillomania (TTM) or "trich" is an impulse control disorder characterised by the repeated urge to pull out scalp hair, eyelashes, beard hair, nose hair, pubic hair, eyebrows o...
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Hi, I am new here, but I am definitely not new to trich. I've been pulling my eyelashes since I was about 7, (of course when your 7 it's really not a critical, life changing problem b/c at that age, you really don't care about your appearance and what people think of you. It's unfortunate that as you grow up, you realize how judgmental the world can be.)
When I was in sixth grade, i'll never forget feeling those little pieces of hair between my brows and thinking "wow, i can be picking unwanted hair and still release my urges! This is great!" Hahaha, jokes on me- in no time, I was browless. And by that time in my life, it became a huge vanity issue. I was already really self conscious so trich was just a slip in the mud on that rainy day. "I have no eyelashes and eyebrows, how can I go to school like this !?!" That's what I would say to my mom and myself everyday. So basically, since I was about twelve, i've been someone i'm not. I'm a punctuate person but i'm late for everything. Why? Because I'm so concerned with looking normal. I spend hours fixing my makeup - putting false eyelashes on and filling in my eyebrows. I don't even like wearing makeup! But I just can't come in to terms with what I have done to myself. How ridiculous this sounds?! And it is ridiculous b/c i'm the one who has made it this way and i'm too scared to accept that I have this disoder. I can actually go pick free for months at a time and all of my eyebrows and eyelashes will grow back, but its almost worse this way because it ends up being all or nothing. Once I start picking again, I just can't stop and in matter of minutes I'll go from a, nice natural face with beautiful eyelashes and eyebrows, to a bare canvas, with no hair to even make an expression. It's heartbreaking, and knowing that you've don it to yourself just makes you cringe and cry and just lose it.....And all you can think is, "Why am I doing this to myself, why can't I just stop?" I was just reading my profile that I created for this thing and I sound so happy and everything is great, and that is truly who i am. In all seriousness, no one would ever know how unhappy I make myself dealing with this disorder. I am so happy to just be alive, I'm always laughing and i'm always the optimist in the group. However, there is always this underlying sadness that I have developed from having trich and I just haven't gotten the courage to speak about it with friends and even my boyfriend yet. Not that I don't think they wouldn't love me anymore, I just have a hard time admitting that I am human and we all have our problems, mine is just a little different than most. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed of the disorder itself and that I have it, I'm ashamed that I've let it run my life for this long. I'm ashamed that after all these years of suffering, rather than reaching out and really trying to get some help, i've instead let it rule me and take over my life. So now, finally, at 22, i'm trying to make a real effort to accept that I have this and try my best to get rid of it once and for all. I'm hoping by turning to some of you for comfort and support will help me, and you, to free ourselves from this monster! I've never spoken to someone who also has trich and I really feel it could help me a lot, and I hope I could help some of you too. Thanks for listening to my story. Hope to hear from some of you! Posted on 10/26/09, 12:10 pm |
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This was a great post. I am so glad to see that there is tons of support for people. My daughter is 11 and feels that NO one will say anything about her pulling her hair. I will let her read your testamonial so she can get some freeing information. We are struggling with what to do with the 20 strands left and this may help. Thank you so much for being open and honest. 
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Outcastinside- Thanks for your reply. I guess I think so negatively about myself when I pull because i've been able to control it in the past, so, knowing that, when I begin doing it again and find that I can't control it, I get so angry at myself. : / But you're right. I'm begining to realiz that sometimes it is out of my hands. But It's hard for me to accept it as something I can't control b/c then I feel like i'm giving myself an excuse to say it's ok, it's not your fault. If I think that way, I feel like i'll pull more. : /
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