What is Trichotillomania Hair Pulling
Trichotillomania (TTM) or "trich" is an impulse control disorder characterised by the repeated urge to pull out scalp hair, eyelashes, beard hair, nose hair, pubic hair, eyebrows o...
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Hi, I am new here, but I am definitely not new to trich. I've been pulling my eyelashes since I was about 7, (of course when your 7 it's really not a critical, life changing problem b/c at that age, you really don't care about your appearance and what people think of you. It's unfortunate that as you grow up, you realize how judgmental the world can be.)
When I was in sixth grade, i'll never forget feeling those little pieces of hair between my brows and thinking "wow, i can be picking unwanted hair and still release my urges! This is great!" Hahaha, jokes on me- in no time, I was browless. And by that time in my life, it became a huge vanity issue. I was already really self conscious so trich was just a slip in the mud on that rainy day. "I have no eyelashes and eyebrows, how can I go to school like this !?!" That's what I would say to my mom and myself everyday. So basically, since I was about twelve, i've been someone i'm not. I'm a punctuate person but i'm late for everything. Why? Because I'm so concerned with looking normal. I spend hours fixing my makeup - putting false eyelashes on and filling in my eyebrows. I don't even like wearing makeup! But I just can't come in to terms with what I have done to myself. How ridiculous this sounds?! And it is ridiculous b/c i'm the one who has made it this way and i'm too scared to accept that I have this disoder. I can actually go pick free for months at a time and all of my eyebrows and eyelashes will grow back, but its almost worse this way because it ends up being all or nothing. Once I start picking again, I just can't stop and in matter of minutes I'll go from a, nice natural face with beautiful eyelashes and eyebrows, to a bare canvas, with no hair to even make an expression. It's heartbreaking, and knowing that you've don it to yourself just makes you cringe and cry and just lose it.....And all you can think is, "Why am I doing this to myself, why can't I just stop?" I was just reading my profile that I created for this thing and I sound so happy and everything is great, and that is truly who i am. In all seriousness, no one would ever know how unhappy I make myself dealing with this disorder. I am so happy to just be alive, I'm always laughing and i'm always the optimist in the group. However, there is always this underlying sadness that I have developed from having trich and I just haven't gotten the courage to speak about it with friends and even my boyfriend yet. Not that I don't think they wouldn't love me anymore, I just have a hard time admitting that I am human and we all have our problems, mine is just a little different than most. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed of the disorder itself and that I have it, I'm ashamed that I've let it run my life for this long. I'm ashamed that after all these years of suffering, rather than reaching out and really trying to get some help, i've instead let it rule me and take over my life. So now, finally, at 22, i'm trying to make a real effort to accept that I have this and try my best to get rid of it once and for all. I'm hoping by turning to some of you for comfort and support will help me, and you, to free ourselves from this monster! I've never spoken to someone who also has trich and I really feel it could help me a lot, and I hope I could help some of you too. Thanks for listening to my story. Hope to hear from some of you! Posted on 10/26/09, 12:10 pm |
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Hi, I thought that your post was extremely well done. I'm going to have my 15-yr-od daughter read it because I'm sure that she can relate. The important thing is that you are now reaching out to get the support that you need. This is a wonderful site and I hope that it will help you on your journey.
Be well-- 
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HI -I so know what you are saying. I've been a lash/brow puller since I was six (I am now 39 -ugh).
I've felt exactly the same way my whole life. I don't know what the answer is....but my prayers are with you and for us that we can conquer this. In the meantime, please remember that the pulling is just one facet of us. I had my eyebrows cosmetically tatooed and it has saved me.....I don't spend a lot of time on makeup at all now as I have a one year old -I put some dark shadow along the base of my eye where the lashes should be (I have NO brows or lashes) and I look fine. Yes, from the side it may look "different", but I just don't care as much anymore. I even went out a few times last week walking my baby with NO eye makeup on at all -and talked to people. It was the most freeing thing. Ah -today though I'm wishing I had eyelashes/brows and that I could just stop this. It consumes me and I crave it like a drug. All we can do is have faith and to just try to enjoy our lives as much as possible -this is just our cross to carry in life and I believe it does have some purpose -whether it be the suffering we go through or the strength that it creates in us....I'm not sure...but I do know there is a reason. I just want it to stop (lol). Please let me know if I can help you....
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im really glad you posted this! not becuase im glad you have this disorder, but becuase im glad someone is finally like me! this sounds so much like me, except i have only been pulling for a few years.... tell me if you want to talk or add me as a friend!
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I really get what you are feeling from your post, and I can relate. I've been pulling my eyelashes and eyebrows since I was about 13 (I'm 26 now). I'm not a vain person, but every morning I draw in my brows...which takes time because I can never get them straight and even and I end up looking unnaturally inquisitive or just demented if they're not right. Sometimes I realize I've left the house looking a little odd. Oh well. I miss my eyelashes, too, and I don't think my black eyeliner is fooling anyone. They used to be long and dark, and now, not so much. I'm also ashamed, or actually more frustrated, by how much time and energy I put into worrying about pulling, while I still do it. I have personally told only my boyfriend, who asked about it one day. He was cool with it, and it doesn't seem to be a big deal. It's only a big deal to me. Anyway, I'm trying to stop pulling (have gone 4 days so far!) and I'm happy to have new friends to talk to on this site.
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Fairyfille- Lol, oh yes, I totally agree with the demented out the door look! I'm not a vain person either but I still HAVE to try and fix myself to look as normal as possible. I really hate this! I feel like i seem like a diva to my friends b/c take so long to get ready when I don't even want to be doing all this makeup crap, i just can't accept that I have a problem. ... I'm glad to hear that you told your boyfriend and he is ok with it. I'm still working on that. I'm still not ready yet, but like you said, its only a big deal to us. I know people really won't care, but I just can't seem to get myself to tell anyone. But anyway, four days! that's great! Hope you stay on track! Keep in touch! Btw, what have you been doing to help stop picking??
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It's so hard to come to terms with - I am new to this too (my post is Dating when you're bald) and being able to be honest on here and everyone knows exactly what you are talking about is wonderful - I hope that you can find a way to stop - I'm 53 and I've done permanent damage to my scalp and I have no hair on top. I've thought about,and do to a small extent, pull out my eylashes and eyebrows and wish that I could trade that for pulling my hair - but reading this - I see that it would still be difficult to deal with because we are doing this to ourselves - good luck
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wow. I feel exactly, exactly the same way. I cannot leave the house without doing my makeup for my eyebrows/lashes. if i cant find the right tools i'll have a near panic attack and freak out, i just cannot cannot do it i don't want to be made fun of like before. so yeah. you're definetly not alone
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DianeCA56- Yes, it is a different area, but the same struggle. I was reading your post, and i've never had to feel uncomfortable with my hair on my head, but I do with my eyelashes and eyebrows. I've always been a really independent person, so iv'e never had any intentions of getting close to a guy, but whenever I was dating someone, I hated always feeling worried about what he might think of me, or if he notices? I've always wanted to be able to go swimming with him without worrying about my eye makeup wearing off and him seeing the bare me. stupid things like that I would worry about, and still do... Its tough. Now, I'm involved with a guy and we love each other very much, but I still haven't told him about this. I know i'm not ready for it. Sometimes I wonder what he thinks when he sees some of my eyebrows filled in, or my eyelashes half fake, half real, but I really don't think he cares.lol. He always tells me i'm beautiful no matter what. This kind of has made me realize that when you meet someone special, you just know and you can just feel that they're someone that would be understanding about this disorder, regardless of you being able to tell them or not. And if you don't get that feeling from them, why would you want someone like that in your life? ya know?
Best wishes~
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Hello...I just now joined so I am new at this....I admire you all for being so open concerning this horrible habit. I am hoping with support from others with this problem that I can over come mine as well..as I get more comfortable here I will share more about myself. :)
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Hello honey
This post was very well written, and I'm sure all of us here can relate to it 100%. But I want to clarify one thing with you--YOU DID NOT BY ANY MEANS BRING THIS ON YOURSELF!! It isn't something that you did to yourself! You shouldn't ever think that! I believe that it should go in the category under smoking and alcoholism; it's something that is such a very distincly hard "habbit" to break, but some people just can't help it. I want you to know that I am on your side all the way! Please let me know what I can do to help! I'd really like to be your friend, and help to advocate some good feelings and support for you!
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