What is Tinnitus
Tinnitus, "ringing ears" or ear noise is a phenomenon of the nervous system connected to the ear, characterised by perception of a ringing, beating or roaring sound (often perceive...
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Comitting suicide soon
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Hi all,
After almost a year of T and trying different approaches to treat it, I've decided that I'll be taking my life if I don't see perspectives of sound ending in a reasonable amount of time. I don't think I can't stand more than some months more in the best case, as I'm starting to find the courage to face the final moment. It's a shame that most treatments care only about habituation and the only ones that "promise" silence are developed by people that only cares about money. We are talking of individual lives that are ruined and devastated by not having any minute of complete peace inside our heads, something a person shouldn't experience, and they care just about fucking money. And the few therapists that doesn't care so much about that have been unable to get complete results. Other way, we have news about researches that are still very far away in the future. I'm in a situation where I'm starting to be afraid my T will never end, and I simply don't want a life of this. Habituating it's not an option, I don't want to live a mutilated life where I brainwash myself to believe I "accept it". And the only effective treatments (neuronal approaches) are oriented to treat tonal T, which is not what I have, so no hope to me neither. What makes me more sad about my decision is the fact that no one will understand it, even the majority of T sufferers that found a way to cope would encourage me to keep alive. If I were fully disabled (i.e living in a bed) everybody would understand me not wanting to live, but in my situation I only see advices of habituating, go on with my life, and all that... Well, I've tried in many ways and simply can't, now what??? I want a life where I don't have to "cope", a life that truly deserves that name, and it's simply impossible to have that with T, no matter how hard you want to believe you "still" have other things to live for. I don't care a shit about family or friends (I don't have any person in my life fully deserving to be considered any of that) and the only thing that matters to me is my work, which I can't do as before, as T ruins my creativity and, even more important, my joy and mental peace to work. Without having those, a time life is a true torture, something that doesn't worth to be lived. And when a person reaches that point, the only options are "living" not able to be happy, or ending. I prefer ending if I can't have a joyful lifetime. As a last attempt I'd like to ask you if any of you know how to get in touch with the researchers of AM-101, neuronal implants (just in case) or any new approach that really can help. My public health system doesn't cover a shit about T treatments and I don't have money at all, so my only chance of treatment is to have someone willing to use me in researches. I don't care what I'll have to do to be treated, but I'll be or die, as simple as that. If nothing results I'll be recording in a video my death and the reasons to it and make sure that will be made public, or even doing it in public. I want my suicide to at least help to grow consciousness about T and the need to develop treatments that are affordable to any person in the world suffering from it. As long as there is only one person in the world suiciding because of this, it's a tragedy that should be avoided. There is means to study and cure T if the scientific community were not so profit-oriented by corporations. There is means to work to cure many other disabling illnesses and they keep talking in terms of numbers and it's so evil that things are like that. Stop consenting this and fight hard to bring attention over it! The situation will not solve if we just sit and hope. I sincerely wish mine would be the last death because of the hell of T. Best wishes to all. Posted on 07/02/09, 11:07 am |
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Joy80,
May I suggest posting this on http://tinnitussupport92262.yuku.c... There has been much discussion about am-101. I am sure you will get many responses and assistance there. Try to think back on when you have been strong and accepted your t. We all have bad days. If you could hold off on your plan you will get stronger. Try to have hope and keep the dream alive for yourself and others that wish to be cured. Research is moving must faster now. I hope you hold on because we all get strength from one another. My prayers go out to you today for you to find peace and acceptance. -Mark 
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Joy80,
Dude, this is something that you can get through. I've had my T now for over eight years, and yes in the beginning it was really bad for me, I thought about the same things your thinking of now, but I couldn't give into this beast. Be a fighter; don't let this get the upper hand on you. It does take some time but the whole habituation thing dose work. You'll get to the point where the T want even be a factor for you. I have the same type as you. Mine isn't tonal either. I hear about three different noises in the right ear and two totally different noises in the left at times. The weird thing is that every day it seems to be something new. If I can get to where I am I have faith and confidence you can get there too. Here recently I had a really bad spike in the T. For a time again I was thinking about the same things as before. Didn't want to deal with it, just want peace, don't want to go on the rest of my life with it, you get what I'm saying. This time though the process went allot quicker getting back to it not bothering me. Oh there are some days when it still acts up and yes I hear it every day, but it's just not a factor in my life anymore, Praise be to God. I know it's tough now but you can do this. Fight this fight and don't give up. One day they'll come up with something, some kind of cure, just hang in there. Take comfort in knowing you’re not alone and that there are those out there that are lifting you up every day in prayer. David
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sorry about the Paul Tobey website. I didn't think he was selling anything.
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Joy80, please do not let the T win. I know it is very hard, it has been over 2yrs for me and sometimes it is unbearable. I have not coped with this T but I will not let it take my life. If you need to talk with us we are here for you. Let us be here for you.
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I thought I was ready for bed...and I sleep pretty well if not too well. Sleep is a nice hiding place from a scream. Even a nightmare ain't so bad.
Anyone with TINNITUS not tinnitus has been on suicide watch even when no one is watching and much much less understanding. Sadly and even horrificially, there are greater afflictions. Truth is we feel better about our health when we see someone in a permanent wheel chair in the post office and we feel worse about our health when we see a 75 year old guy swinging a golf club well. White Crosses posted by highways where a 17 year old crashed their car by ways of inexperience, speeding, and a pot hole and then deflected it into a tree which landed them sideways into a 10 foot deep pond where they were either drowned or swallowed by a catfish... 1/2 kidding aside, I'm glad I'm alive. These highway crosses remind us of this. A great hope and fear I have is what's on the other side. If there's a Heaven and a bit of torment is my admission (and atonement), I can pay and endure. If there's a hell how much greater might my torment be if I am truly desreving of a hell sentenece by murder (suicide). If there's nothing at all after death then why not live as long as we can under whatever circumstance because something is better than nothing. If there is nothing than logic would be for the healthy "let's pillage and rape for there's hardly a consquence." There is such a great strength in endurance and doubt and faith. The beauty of not knowing is a very good and perserving thing. Here faith and hope really exist. For too many these are just words. I'm not a historian (or a good husband, a good house guest, a bright scholar, ...) but I don't know of any mayrters who were suicides. The reality is that it's just a noise. Mine is as loud as a siren in city traffic. It's more hell on a country road. Forgive me for boasting, I've had tinnitus since 1981. Don't do it. As humans with limited understanding we know more in life why not than why...
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Joy80,
Your death wont change a thing. It might make it to the evening news in your town and drift softly into the abyss. Unless your someone like Michael Jackson or something like that We probably wont even hear about it. So dont think that you can have an impact on a cure for tinnitus. There are many stars out there that have this affliction that cant move things forward with a cure or better tools to cope with it. If you truelly want recognition you'll get off of your feel sorry for me attitude and stand up just like each one of us has and work at finding what works for you. I have struggled with it for over a year now and these last few weeks have been quite silent from my trying different things. What I have found with me is as long as I stay gluten free and take my allergy pills everyday I am in very good shape. Unfortunately we live in a world of instant gratification and you have to have patience. I hope that you find someone thats willing to use you as a guinea pig, but I still feel better to know that I found my road. Pat
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I am sorry but how can you even consider taking your life because of tinnitus. every day of my life I have struggled with my health and with being disabled. I live with so many physical conditions that I am never well never have energy am always so fatigued every day is a struggle. Every day is pain. And I try my best to keep going day by day.
whatever it is there can always be another day. I live with Myalgic encephalopathy/CFS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Myofascial pain, Multiple chemical sensitivities, Degenerative disc disease, arthritis, Eustatean tube dysfunction, tinnitus, vertigo, and others I wont even name. I've had to go through CT scans, MRI's and so many tests. Most of its untreatable uncurable. the rest of my life. always. no matter what I dont let death be an option even on days when I am so sick I wish for it. So much pain and nothing I can do for it. I just want it all to end but I dont let it. find an ear specialist a tinnitus specialist. try natural remedies. Try sound masking. try a tinnitus masker its sort of like a hearing aid but helps mask the horrible tinnitus... ... try anything except for death. As horrible as tinnitus is for you just keep going keep trying. death wont bring you anything at all. why give up the rest of your life. for what. http://t-gone.com/tinnitus-tinnitis/ Toll Free Tinnitus Support Line 800 314-2910 http://www.ata.org/ http://www.hearingcenteronline.com... http://earsinus.com/new/news_artic... Tinnitus maskers http://www.asha.org/public/hearing...
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I really felt upset when I read your post joy80, and it has taken me a couple of days to reply. I was feeling particularly sorry for myself about a week ago and then I learnt that my friend who lives opposite had passed away last Wednesday morning. She leaves a husband and 4 children, she was 52 years old. She was taken ill on holiday 7 weeks ago and had been in hospital since then. They were doing numerous tests to find out what was wrong and eventually they dianosed Cancer of the bone marrow on Tuesday and then she died.
Even as I write this I know that for a fleeting moment you may feel sympathy, but because you are in the depths of despair yourself it will be short lived. You need to find some counselling to help you through this really bleak time. PLEASE, PLEASE, get help, not for the T at this moment, but for your suicidal thoughts. Medication may help. I would like to also say that "Habituation" means different things to different people, but I have never thought of it as just accepting T or just coping with it. I never thought I'd ever enjoy anything in my life again...but I certainly do....and you can also. I know that my friends husband would wish for his wife back, no matter what....and I know that your family would definately wish the same if you were to come to harm. I am feeling very sad about your post and I really hope you will find the strength to get whatever help you need. Mandy
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Thanks for the nice intentions, I know all of you are saying the kind of things that most people would think about this situation, but the usual speech it's not helpful to me,
Maybe I have another set of ethics, but to me suicide or euthanasia it's ok when a person it's suffering enough, and I believe that it's up to every individual to know when that point arrives and every person it's the only owner of her/his body. I support that even when I lose my best friend some years ago (by committing suicide) and it hurt but I always respected and understood that decision. You say it's "only" a noise, well, it isn't to me at all. I'm a more intellectual than physical person, and I'd change the T for being in a wheelchair right now if I was offered the chance. I'd change it for almost any illness or lost in this world, as I can't imagine anything worse to me. Without pace inside my head the life has stopped being worthwhile, and I simply don't want to continue like that. It's not a bad moment, not even a few bad months. I've had my few good moments in these times and even with that, I don't want to live all my life on this. It's something that I think even in my good moments, even if death scares me, but it's more terrible to me a life with a noise always in my head. There isn't any chance neither that psychologists (even less the meds) can do anything to me. I took antidepressants once many years ago for a mild depression, and after feeling the effects I don't want to see any of that "professionals" anymore. I'm on the side of the anti psychiatry theories after many reading about the topic and after seeing how their work is nothing but to shatter lives in the name of medical corporations and the maintenance of the capitalist status quo and social order. It's great to know that many of you are coping and are ok with living like that, but simply it's not the life I want for me. Then whenever I reach the moment in which I'd be left with no chances to get silence, I'll end with it. No drama, I'm better with the idea of leaving than the one of being here without my desired complete peace, as difficult to understand as it could seem. Also I know it's difficult to bring attention on this, but in any case what I want it's end with this, and if I could at the same time make notice at least some people, I prefer that than dying at home without any chance to make others think. So thanks anyway for being willing to help (and just in case, no need to pray for me, I'm an atheist and don't believe in that being helpful to me) but I'll just do my last attempts on this and if in some weeks or a few months I don't get to treat me or be treated in an effective way, I'll finish. Thanks specially to winterbridge56 for the link, I've read that group too, and I'll try to find someone there who can help me to contact with researchers.
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