Time Management Support Group

All adults need to be treated as adults. That means saying No is an option, just tell them not this time, maybe some othertime I can help you out. Don'tlet your married children blackmail you with the grands, you will still get to see them even if you don't babysit.
You and Hubby aren't responsible for the whole world, if you do that then other people are missing out on their blessings of being helpers too! (like that grandson- don't hog his blessing!)
Nan

Oh, Nan, you're a dear. The problem is not me telling them....lol....I could tell the Pope what I thought and not bat an eye, it's hubby not saying no and since we are wed, I get dragged along for the "ride" that I wish not to be on. I adore our grandson, he's a blessing and God has answered that prayer I prayed when he was born that I would be part of his life every day of his life.....that isn't so much the thing as hubby doesn't EVER SAY NO or ask if I have plans for us or plans in general.......

The mooching grandson is hubby's nephew and God forbid he be confronted with anything as he's "had a hard life". Well, sorry, suck it up and welcome to reality! No one is responsible where they start or come from but by golly they are responsible for where they
end up.

My grandpa always had a saying for folks of that type...."They'd be a waste of a good bullet." Personally, I think a good dose of EXLAX may get him moving. LOL Oh, that's just bad...... LOL But he would be moving at least.....right?

Fic,

The first question is; does your husband acknowledge he has a "guilt complex" or is this just your observation?

If he does not recognize that then there is nothing that can be done.

If he does recognize it then we can work it out. We could go on and on about differing behavior styles and how his style acts and reacts but let’s keep it simple for now.

When people (anyone) requests something from us; each of the parties involved have needs. The requestor has a need to have their request filled and your husband who has needs of his own that he has to fulfill. Would you agree?

The problem is that we have never been taught to answer a request by satisfying both parties needs. When we satisfy the needs of both parties and take action on that we can walk away not feeling guilty.

If you are still around this forum and are interested in finding out a method that I use to combat this same situation respond to this post. Once I see a response I will fill you in. It is a bit lengthy so I don’t want to type it if you have abandoned this thread (the last posts were on 8/11).

Respectfully,

George

Dear Sir - No, he doesn't realize he has a guilt complex. I could tell the Pope no without a blink.

I did, at least I think I did, resolve the issue as the other day my Irish ire got the better of me and I told him IF HE PROMISED someone to do something and could not, not to dump it on my plate as my plate is full!' Hope he was listening.

I know his mom needs looked after and his nephew would be the one that left her in the ditch, so to speak. I understand that. Further, I understand he cannot demand his nephew to get out as it is his mom's place. That's her job. I also know hubby is her only resource for outside help. She's a bit touched in the head in some ways and she trusts him.

Therefore, maybe it is just dealing with aging parents which we all will have to face at some point. HOWEVER, the other odds & ends are going to be his.

Have I gotten that correct?