Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) Support Group

So sorry you feel you are alone in your grief. Please know you are not. All of the people here have helped me so much. Derrick is absolutely gorgeous. And I am so saddened you have joined the club no other parent should join. If you need someone to talk to... plz know I am here.

I think that is the main thing that I have found. People sort of expect you to "snap" out of it...but as loving mommies...we simply can't. It was not just a baby died...it was a part of heart and our soul. I just simply think when people say, "I can't imagine" that is the most true thing that anyone can say. Loosing a parent is hard...but we almost spend our whole lives preparing for it...it is loosing our past. Loosing a spouse, which I have not done, is loosing our present but loosing a child is pure and simple loosing our future. I read that somewhere and it really hit home. I think that all we can do is learn to cope the best we can...and don't really listen to me b/c I still have far as many bad days as good days. I'm glad that if you are feelilgn alone in your grief you have come onto this site to find support. I know that it has really been a saving grace for me. Derrick is such a cutie pie...I love those cheeks!

Sweetie there is no time limit. Everyone is different, but I'll tell you this it's gonna take alot longer than 2 weeks and if people expect you to somehow be better then they are crazy! I remember people telling me the first year is the hardest and it was. My days are still not easy but I manage. Give yourself time and go thru all this grief.

I am so sorry you feel this way. It did feel like after Lily's funeral every just disappeared. Here we won't though. We understand your feelings and wanting to talk about it. We are here with you and for you. You are so new to your grief, I heard this alot at first and it helps, be easy on yourself and love yourself. Allow yourself to cry whenever you need to. These are words being passed down from many smart and beautiful women. They have helped me through so much, now I can help you too. Keep your head up and let us know what you need.

I am so sorry for your loss, hon. Your sweet little boy is adorable. It honestly touches my heart to see others replies to your post, as these are the people who have also been here for me for more than a year now, and they, and I, will be here for you also. I know so well what you're feeling about people not wanting to hear it. I get that even from my own sister. And I say to hell with anyone who thinks you should get over it or not talk about your child. I really don't care if I make someone "uncomfortable." Gee, like we are comfortable?? I probably don't do it as often as I should, but I make a point of talking about my Siena. Everything you feel is normal, althoug it takes a long time to really realize that. You're not alone....not at all.

Sweety I think that you have to do whats best for you. I think its also important to realize that people who havent been through what were going through are not gonna understand and really dont know how to react to something like this. The things that you are doing are absolutely normal. I think you should take all the time you need to process and grieve. I dont think there is a "certain time" it happens for everyone at different times. You are always gonna miss him!!! Its okay to talk about him....and to heck with who it makes uncomfortable. Derrick is your child. As far as being okay again.....I think each day is a stepping stone things will never be perfectly normal because someone is always going to be missing....instead youll have this new normal where you learn to live with the hurt and pain of the loss of your son. BIG HUGS!!!

It’s Very normal to feel like your heart has been ripped apart and the crying does not go away, especially in the beginning of your grieving. I believe that no one else really suffers as much as us, we are their mommies. I think it’s impossible for anyone else to understand what you’re going through unless they have lost a child as well. Do give yourself time to heal and go through this grieve at your own pace and let no one else convince you otherwise. It’s great that your husband is supportive – this is very important always remember that everyone grieves differently especially men! I have read that a loss like ours can rip a marriage apart and therefore we must stay as strong as possible through all the anger and pain we feel.

I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.YOUR SON IS SO CUTE..AND WHAT A BIG BOY..YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME..YOU WILL NEVER BE THAT SO CALLED NORMAL..THINGS HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOREVER..BUT THE PAIN DOES EASE...I LOST MY DAUGHTER AT 3 MONTHS..16 MONTHS AGO..AND NO I HAVE NOT SNAPPED OUT OF IT,I BELIEVE WE NEVER WILL..BUT EVERYDAY WILL CHANGE..I HAVE 4 CHILDREN AS WELL..3 ARE LIVING AND I HAVE TO TELL MYSELF EVERYDAY TO KEEP MOVING FOR THEM...AND I DO...AS YOU WILL...HUGS,DORIE

My situation is that my husband refuses to have another baby with me and I am 42 and running out of time to be able to conceive so there will never be any closure for me.... He is getting his greencard and i am pretty sure after he gets his permanent one he is out the door.... and frankly I have just been through so much losing rayan that losing him feels just like part of it. He tries to be nice to me buying me things but all I want is another baby and he wont give that to me and as far as i am concerned.. that means he doesnt love me nor wants to stay with me. I dont buy all the spoiling... I think hes buying time till he gets his permanent card and then he will have a baby with a girl from his country.. I havent left yet because i am too sick to deal mentally with anything else. He thinks I am either dumb, stupid orgoing along with it.. But honestly the fact he wont try again knowing how sick I am from losing my baby says he doesnt love me... I dont care about material things.. I care that he is taking me for a ride and thinks i am too stupid to know it. Makes me question if he ever loved me to begin with

One thing I have learned is grief is lonely. I'm so sorry that you don't have a big support group that is there for you. It's been 3 1/2 months since my grandson passed away and I listen to my daughter scream, talk, cry, yell, remember, for hours every day and I don't mind at all! I'm so glad I can be there for her. There is no "Magic" time that you will wake up one day and not miss your baby. You will miss him everyday until the day you die and that's a fact. I hate it when people say, "Time heals everything", because the heartache will always be there. You have a God given right to your tears and NEVER ever be ashamed of them and you talk all you want and to whom ever you want to about your baby. If you didn't miss, talk about or cry for you son then that would mean that you didn't understand the gift of his life. My son in law and even my husband does not talk much about Sages death but us women we talk and talk and talk. It's all we think about. I read this quote that I will share with you it goes something like this...A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. But...there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that's how awful the loss is! - Neugeboren 1976, 154
Shame on your family for being to wrapped up in their own problems to be there for you. I'm sorry God forbid they should lose a child. When you do you realize that that things you thought were so "earth shattering" was trivial and even silly in comparison. After my grandson died my daughter received a letter from an elderly woman in her 80's. This woman attends my daughter's mother-in-law's church. She wrote of the day she found her baby dead in his cradle. With a shaking hand she penned every detail and how her heart still misses him! This happened to her 60+ years ago and this woman still hurts. She was so worried about my daughter that she took the time to write her and share things she had learned over a life time of grieving and missing her baby! So there is NO time line. Any decent person would not mind hearing all about your son. Please know that my heart breaks for you and for all of these mothers who have had to bury a child. I miss my grandson so much that I sleep with his toys. I keep his car seat and diaper bag in my closet. I look at his photos and memorial blog site everyday! I cry all night long then suck up the tears and put on my game face for my broken hearted daughter. I will never get over losing my little "sagebrush" and I don't think anyone expects you to just "get over it". If you need someone to chat too please don't hesitate.