Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) Support Group

I am so sorry for the loss of your neice. My daughter Arihanna passed away in March of 2008, we had a funderal with a eulogy and a viewing the night before. I think that is a choice that is best left for your sister and her husband, it is a personal choice, and at this point your sister knows what she wants, I would just go with the flow.
For the nursery, I would ask her before you touch anything, my family wanted to pack up Ari's stuff, but I felt like it was something I had to do it took me over a year to do it, it was full of memories and tears, but once I did it was a great accomplichment for me. Personally I would have freaked out if I came home and Ari's room was packed up, but like I said I would ask her first.
Your sister is so lucky to have you, you are very supportive and helpful to her..your a great sister.
Luv & Hugs
Julia

We had a funeral and my husband and I read a letter that we wrote to Austin at the funeral in front of hundreds of people. It was important to us. If it is important to her to have a funeral, then she should have a funeral, eulogy, whatever she feels she needs to say goodbye, or see ya later, to her baby.
As far as the nursery, I wouldn't touch it. Nick and I still haven't done anything with Austin's nursery. We will do that when the time is right. It will be hard but it will be healing at the same time. Unless she asks you to, I wouldn't touch anything.

I'm going to have to agree with julia and Brandy, I wouldn't touch the nursery at all. I would have been extremely upset with anyone else touching my babies stuff and packing it up. We also had a full service and a visitation. It's not like a pet has past, this was her baby, her child. Just like anyone else, she deserves every little last thing her mommy can do for her. This will be one of the only expenses they will have to take care of for her. There's no more birthdays, no school pictures, prom dresses or cars. I would really suggest at this time, just be supportive. Be there to listen and to share memories. Go along with everything they decide to do. It was their baby, their choices for her. She will know that you are there for her no matter what, just make sure she's the one that gets to make the decisions. Asking first is always better. You are doing a great job for her, but remember like you too, she is grieving. Not every decision needs to happen right away. hugs to your family.

I agree with the other posters. Only your sister will know what is best. Your sister needs to be able to honor her baby how ever she feels necessary. Not to mention the support she needs right now.
I have to say that if my family touched Ari's things and packed them without asking me, I would probably never speak to them again. That is part of the grieving/healing process, and there is nothing wrong with leaving it....unless, she asks you of course. You have to know that going home is going to be extremely painful and difficult, no matter if the babies things are there or not. Taking away the babies things doesn't take away the pain....in fact, could very well make the pain worse for her. That's just not anyone's job to do, unless she asks.
Just my opinion.

I agree with all of these ladies. Your sister probably knows what's best, let her make the choice and just help her out. As for the nursery, I'd leave it alone or ask her. Our daughter passed away in her nursery and it's all we have left of her.....we are leaving her nursery exactly as it was when she was last here, we don't plan on packing it up until we move out one day. It sounds like you are being a great support for your sister!!!!! Hang in there. I'm sorry for your loss and your sister's loss.

We did a funeral with a eulogy...we did NOT do a visitation before but allowed family to view her if they so chose. A Visitation was too much for me as I didn't want to talk. We also did a gravesite servie. It was important to me. Please allow what she needs/wants. I understand that you are so concerend and how luck to have a sister like you, but let her take her time with the nursery. My hubby and I also stayed with our paretns and I stated that i would "never" go back to the house. Well, I did and I needed her room. IT wil take time.

We had a private wake, funeral and burial service. Just my family and some of her dad's closest friends. Just continue to go with the flow, and do not pack up her things. My sister was going to that for us. We were staying with my brother. I explicitly told her not to.....That was for me her dad to do. She did allow us to put all of Siena's things in the room over her garage, where they still are more than 17 months later. I'm so sorry for your family's loss. Just be there for your sister. That's all you can really do.

We had a private funeral for Adreanna. Only family was allowed at the viewing but anyone could come to the gravesite. For me, it was better to have family there with us than friends. But I was very glad to see friends show up at her gravesite.
I wouldnt touch the nursery. My dad cleaned up Adreanna's nursery and I barely talked to him while he was here. When its the right time I wanted to be the one to do it. It'll help me not forget the memories of seeing her clothes with spit up stains and baby food stains.
I am sorry for your family's loss and you all will be in my thoughts.

I agree with what everyone has said. We had visitation and a funeral mass at the funeral home since Kaitlyn was cremated. It was very heartwarming to have all our family and friends by our side in this very tragic time. She is still here at the house with us until I'm ready to let her go and then we will set up a service at the cemetery for family only. I wouldn't touch your nieces room unless your sister asks you too. Kaitlyn's is still a mess and I've had family/friends offer to come and help pack things up but we aren't ready yet.

We had a full funeral and would have not done it any other way! As for the nursery, you probably should talk with your sister about it first. She might like the idea of you packing it up, but she has to give you permission first.