What is Sudden Infant Death Syndrome SIDS
Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is any sudden and unexplained death of an apparently healthy infant aged one month to one year. The term cot death is sometimes used in the Unit...
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panic attacks...
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I ran to walmart today with my kids. I had to get some more school supplies for my son who starts school on wednesday. I dropped off my oldest daughter at school, today was her first day, we came home and headed to the store. after we parked and walked in, I was setting my two other girls in the cart when this sudden horrible feeling rushed over me. I felt like something was missing, like I forgot something. Then it dawned on me that I had left Colin in his carseat in the car. I started crying and shaking and my heart was beating out of my chest...until I realized he wasn't in the car, he's in the cemetary. It's like my brain had a total lapse in judgment because I was certain I was missing something and that something was him. Why did it happen today? He died on a monday so mondays are generally bad for me, but it's been 8 weeks now. Why would I suddenly feel like he was still alive and I had just misplaced him? I'm tired of the anxiety.. I don't sleep well, especially since I refuse to sleep in my room, I am always terrified something is going to happen to my other kids( every morning when I go to get my 22 month old up, I shake her to make sure shes alive...what a rude awakening for her.) I just don't know what to do anymore. Has anyone else had this much anxiety, or is it because I lost him in my house?.....any words of wisdom from all the moms who have been dealing with this longer or am I seriously just starting to lose my mind?
Posted on 08/24/09, 02:08 pm |
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The mind is a horrible thing sometimes. You are very early in your loss. You are sleep deprived and busy getting your other kids ready for the school year. You really need to sit back and give yourself a break here. You are one person who is handling the most horrific thing any parent can endure. My mind pulled some crazy things on me too when I was earlier in my loss, so if you are crazy, I am on the crazy train with you. You aren't alone on this ride! I would say for me personally it was around the 12 week mark after we lost Nick that the reality really hit that he is not coming back, I think before that I was going through the motions until I woke up from the nightmare that is now our reality. HUNNY, please be easy on yourself. HUGS 
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I had a couple of those the first couple of months too. When Austin was here, everytime we left the house was an ordeal, and I'm sure you all can relate. Infant carseat with baby, diaper bag, toys, breastpump, cooler to put pumped breastmilk in.... Many times I leave now and feel like I'm forgetting something... or more importantly, someone.
I think "crazy" is the new normal for us. And I don't know about you, but the chaos of Walmart only adds to my craziness!
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I have had panic attacks, especially at busy places lke the mall and stupid wal-mart too, and I have never had them before. I CONSTANTLY have the feeling like I am forgetting something and sometimes I can't shake it all day...I'm actually thinking of talking to my doc about it or medicine b/c it is getting worse and some days I just can't shake it. You aren't crazy...well we actually probably all are a bit and probably always will be. I've come to terms with that.
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I know I did that a lot in the beginning. I wasn't use to having the empty arms. I felt like I had to keep myself busy. I just didnt know what to do with myself. I would always feel like something was missing and still do to this day. I think for the first 2 weeks everytime I would get into a car I would start to have panic attacks usually triggered by flashbacks. Honey it is so hard in the beginning. I am not saying that the pain ever goes away.. but it does lessen and you do learn to live & smile again. Believe me when I say your not alone and your not going crazy.
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After 2 years I still feel like "someone" is missing.
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