Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) Support Group

I'm sorry hon. Our Lindsey died in her crib in her own room. I can't even imagine the pain you must be feeling....everytime I walk by her nursery it hurts me. I completely understand not sleeping in your room again.

When Spencer went to get Sage out of his crib that morning he knew he wasn't breathing but he looked like it had just happened like maybe he there was a chance he could be saved. But I think in the back of their mind they new he would die. Spencer picked him up and started screaming and ran down the hall with him and placed him on Crystal's and his bed while she called 911 on the house phone and me on the cell phone. He began CPR and Crytal asked him, "Don't you need to put him on the floor?" He said, "oh Yea!" So he was on the floor for 45 minutes while his father performed CPR but only seconds on their bed. My husband, son, daughter and myself were there within 3 minutes. We all witnessed this and all of us later agreed that we felt he passed in that room but CPR was continued until medics arrived. One police officer arrived and waited quietly in the corner until the medics came. Then we had to leave the room and we all went to the nursery and stood in the doorway of it and into the hall waiting and watching and hoping. When the medics came out and told us they had called it and there was nothing they could do we were all instructed to go down stairs. The rooms were photographed and the investigators stayed in her room for hours. They couldn't sleep in there at all for a week and stayed with me-Crystal's mom. Spencer works nights for Intel and Crystal just couldn't sleep. Everytime she walks in her room her eyes would dart to the bed where they first lay him and then to the spot on the floor. I do the same thing! My mind would see his little blue pajama tops with the soccer, baseball, basketballs and footballs on it laying by the foot of the bed. The paramedic removed his top and placed all those round sticky things on his body for the montors. I saw this from the hall way. I don't know why but that what I see when I go in her room. His little jammie top laying beside the wooden leg of the bed frame. Crystal and I had just shopped for and decorated her bedroom weeks prior so she was reluctant to spend money on new things. But after not sleeping for 2 months that's what we did. Everything came down off the walls. The bedroom furniture was rearranged so nothing looked as it did on that Thursday morning. Then Crystal and Spencer bought all new bedding and draperies. They are also going to paint again over the next couple of weeks. It has helped her TONS. We had talked about changing things and didn't know if it would help until their grief counselor made the suggestion. We also closed up Sage's nursery. We put their daughter, Jayden, in the room the boys used to be in and moved the boys to Jayden's room. We painted everything. Crystal asked me to decorate she wanted NOTHING the same. Then we also re-did the kids bathroom. Once the upstairs was done we started on the down stairs. None of the furniture or wall decor are in the same place. She just sat there all day looking at his toy shelf or the corner where his diaper basket was, or the corner his bouncer used to be and now they were empty. All blaring reminders that he was gone. She also painted the downstairs bathroom. I have to say a little paint and moving everything around helped tremendously! It gave her a project to keep her mind busy. It changes things so everything isn't just as it was the day he died so she wasn't constantly looking at the spot he used to play and watch baby Einstein. They also got rid of the TV and the entertainment center. Making those changes was a huge help. It gave her a sense of renewal or starting over. She also noticed that it helped her children too. Now don't get me wrong they weren't trying to erase his memory...that's impossible. Plus his nursery remains as it was the day he died. We just moved his down stairs jumper, toys and diaper basket to the nursery. She still has those night's when the bad dreams come and sleep eludes her. But it's not as bad. She's even starting to feel that they will keep their home because that's where they created Sage and that's where they lived with an Angel. She is trying to think of the positive and trying not to focus on those final moments. I'm hoping the day will come that when we think of Sage our first thoughts are not those of the day he died but instead of the days he lived.

Now she didn't want to get rid of the old bedroom set and draperies so she asked me if I would use them. I had been going to re-do my room since it's been 8 years so I said "yes". I have had this stuff for a month and I'm slowly getting around to using it. Crystal didn't want the bedspread to just go away. I'm okay with using it...it reminds me of a beautiful baby boy...My grandson.
I pray you find your answer and hopefully peace.

Wiley was at home when he died, but he was in hisown room. I couldn.t even go back into our home until every thing in it was changed, we took down some walls, put up some wall, through out every thing and got new stuff, and with every thing in the house different and the house looking like a different house, I still cant seem to sleep in it. Hug's

Arianna was in bed right next to me. We moved from Alaska back to Nevada 10 days after she died. The flashbacks were absolute hell during those ten days. I didn't even give it a chance to get 'easier' or 'better', we just needed out of there. Take all the time you need...I don't think you can force yourself back into it. Maybe, like they say, time will help the memories of that horrid morning fade and become a little more manageable. There is no timeline though, and only you will know when it's right to move back in.

Siena was in her crib in our room when I found her......We stayed with my brother and his wife for over a week, but had no choice but go back to the apartment. I so wanted out of ther, even before Siena was born, but her dad was out of work, so we had to stop looking for a house. I had gotten preapproved for a mortgage one week before she died, but it took a year and a half to get the motivation to get a house. We couldn't keep a night light in our bedroom though, b/c we couldn't stand to look over where her crib was and not see it and her sticking her legs up in the air. I'm sorry, hon. It's horrible....hugs to you....

I am so very sorry hunny!
When we lost Nick, he was sharing a room with his older brother who had just turned a year old, five days before we lost Nick. When Nick was found he still had a pulse and shallow breathing, not sure when he slipped away but in my head I am convinced it wasn't here.
I was still very numb and had Nick's bassinet packed up within days of his loss...couldn't look at it....I kept walking past it hoping I'd look down and he would be in it. We lost him on a Tuesday and his funeral was the next Tuesday, so we had many days of just sitting here numb between....and soon after the rest of his things were packed away. For us, moving was not an option neither was swapping rooms around, we have other children so regardless someone MUST use this room. We had to face this room head on, there was no shutting a door.
We stayed and still live in the house. Their room is right off of my room and I must use this room daily, it is not a choice. Some days I hate it still, everything about it...again though, back then and even right at the moment, moving just is not an option. Since I know this isn't an option, I just make myself deal. In the months after losing Nick strange "coincidences" would happen like toys that had batteries in them would randomly go off...and small mischief type of "prank" things would happen, like my husband (this only happens to him too) opens up a cupboard and the tupperware spills on his head, this happens to my husband constantly, no matter how neatly the tupperware is stacked....now those little "concidences and pranks" we call Nick being a rambunctous little toddler angel boy.
Moving is the next year will be happeneing because we are getting to a position where we can. We are also at the point to where we are out growing this home. I think this is why I change that room around often and it's been 3 different colors in the last 21 months. The first time my husband painted it while I was gone. The next 2 times I have woke up and decided okay...today I am painting....it's almost like it's something that falls like regular housework.....do the dishes, some laundry, paint the room...vaccum...it isn't a complete fix because no matter what color the room is, it doesn't take away the memory...but it is a small quick fix and it does help.

Austin died at daycare and at home he slept in a crib in his own room. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be for you. Ever since Austin died, I have to sleep with the lights on in our room - and he didn't even die in our house. Sorry I can't be of more help. I guess, just do whatever you have to do to get sleep. If that means sleeping in the living room for a while, then that's what you have to do. No one says you need to rush back to your room. HUGS

already changed our bedding, I guess I'll try the paint thing next....

Joey passed at daycare but I still had a hard time in my room because I had so many memories of him in there. We ended up changing our furniture and moving things around. The memories are still very vivid but it did help.

Audrey passed at daycare...but it didn't matter to me. We sold our house...currently in the process...I'm devatsted and glad at the same time. that was her house...my time there was time with her. Yes, i have all my good memories there...but I have my good memories in my heart more...I> can't imagine her room being anything other than her room...but I know that we couldn't leave it like forever. It just isn't easy or isn't fair