Stroke Support Group

Dear Sarah, I am so sorry you have to face this in a foreign land. It must be frightening to be beneath your skin right now.

I won't go into everything that is wrong with hubby and I as to our health but I will tell you we've both been there and ARE there!

It is natural that you are pushing away. Every living being does that. Ever had an injured pet which you KNEW loved you with all its heart but then it snaps at you when you try to touch it? Its in pain for heaven's sake! Well, that is you.

You may not feel physical pain, but your brain is injured, your eyes are injured, and your body is SUPER DUPER overstressed because of that. Now add that you don't have your family/friend support network, language barrier. Gosh girl, you have your plate FULL!

Anyone and everyone can sympathize but YOU will be the one that has to get though this. Your one true advocate is your husband (I hope is he anyway). And believe this: if you push him away - he will eventually go away. Decide if removing him from your life is your goal, are you angry at him that he has taken you so far from home, or are you just a "wounded animal" right now. One has nothing to do with the other two.

When our brains are traumatized, we have to work SO MUCH HARDER just to be half of what we were pre-trauma. Good news from the homeland: My husband had a massive stroke 2.5 years ago and not his body, but mind is 1000% better, just not what it was, but he has adjusted and learned to work around it and is back to being an excellent partner.

I, on the other hand, had the same stroke as you but after I developed dementia, so mine did not so much return. Everything is a major hassle but I push and push and push, when I am able, like right now.

You have a 30% chance of full recovery and youth is on your side. Any chance for temporary repatriation until you get on your feet? Family here or anything?

Are you and hubby military? If so, there are a lot of other military ladies over there that have been there a long time and have acquired a grasp on the language. If you're not military, there is still now reason you should not reach out to them.

They are exactly like you. They are young and outside their element. Some have disabilities, perhaps even visual. I hope you will conjure the energy to find a way of getting into that community.

My eyesight is failing rapidly. I was already "old" blind (51 at the time) but then I got Stevens Johnson Syndrome while already sick and it finished me off, particularly my eyesight.

Is yours expected to improve?

One thing I tell my girls (one married 29, one single 20). If you have a basically good guy, hold on to him. As I am sure you know, good guys are really REALLY hard to find anymore.

Perhaps you can key in "germany" on this site - and the town you are in - and find someone here on this site to reach out to. They aren't looking for you so you'll have to do it. I will help you look when I get a chance.

You hang in there Ms. Sarah. Blessings are on their way to you!

I was a Teacher of Eng. residing in Greece w/ my husband where I was teaching when I had 1st stroke. I had a bleeding stroke which paralyzed my rt side. In the 10 mo. I spent doing therapy so that I could ret. to NY to see mother + had 2nd stroke. Spent another yr in States doing therapy + deciding where to live. After stroke u feel as if no one can understand how we feel. Can they regard us as they did + not as cripples. What am I going to do w/ the rest of my life. You r very young + have lots of time to get back on yr feet.Explain to yr husband + other close friends that u need time to decide how u feel + who u want to be + to give u the time + space u need. Please contact me again if u feel I can help.

Thank You all so much for replying to me. ReplaceCongressNow you hit the nail on the head. "I am the one that is going to have to get through this". No one else is going to do this work for me. Sometimes I need to hear that, instead of staying in the house feeling sorry for myself. After reading others stories of survial and rehabiltation I feel kind of stupid for complaing. I have read your post over and over and you offered me some great words of encourgement, Thank -You. You took the time to write to me even though it may have been difficult for you all too do so thank thank thank you I don't feel so alone right now.

My husband and I are not millitary ( he is ex millitary) but he contracts for them, and I have base privalleges so I may be able to find some people to talk to on base.

I haven't spoke to any Doctors since leaving the Hospital on the 8th of AUG. And mainly because of the language barrier. An example of the language barrier was when I had my stroke. Well first I had no idea it was a stroke. I had had a headach on and off for a few day's. The pain would come throbbing in certain parts of my head then go away. I thought nothing of it. The day the stroke happened I was coming down the stairs and my vision went blurry then my left leg went all numb and tingly and my head felt as though someone was taking my brain and squeezing it. I thought nothing of it really but only this is a little strange. I walked around shaking my leg trying to get the feeling back but too no avail. I finally sat down on the couch debating whether or not to call my husband, thinking maybe this is some sort of panic attack. I had never had one, but maybe this is how one feels. And if it was a panic attack how stupid I would feel for calling my husband and telling him to come home. The tingling was intensifying and I could feel it moving up my body so I layed down on the couch, I called Nat and told him I think I needed to go to a Doctor because my whole left side was numb and tingly and I couldn't see. I told him I was scared. As soon as I got off the phone with him I started to vomit, Now in my mind I am telling myself oh this is something serious, I am never sick. I felt as though I was going to pass out. It seemed like forever but was only about 20 minutes and Nat burst through the dooor. I cried and told him I just didn't feel right. Stroke was the furthest thing from my mind, I thought maybe just a blinding migrane or a panic attack. We arrive at the doctors office, No we didn't go to a hospital had no idea which one to go too.
Germany's medical system works a little different than what I am used too. I explained what happened and that I have a huge headach and am still numb and can't see. He has no idea what I am saying and sends me down to an eye doctor. I just explained to him the signs of stroke and he sends me to an eye doctor, looking back thats a little frustrating, but I should learn atleast a little german I am in their country. But its hard when I don't speak the language and trying to explain things. A lot gets lost in translationg. My head was hurting and I was sick, I told Nat that it must be nothing if he sends me to an eye doctor and not a hospital, so back to the house we went. I just wanted to go to sleep. And slept as much as I could is exactly what I did. The next morning I awake, and I still cant see and the headach is really bad all sorts of pressure. I usually don't complain about much and have a considerable tolerance for pain but this was bad. Nat made a few phone calls and found out which hospital to take me too. We finally get to a hospital over 24hrs after the first signs. They give me a CT scan and after the CT they wanted to do a MRI, I knew something was up because they needed better pictures. In my head I am thinking maybe they found a tumor or something, still stroke never even crossing my mind. I didn't have any risk factors for stroke, not on birhcontrol, don't smoke, very active, young. But it just show's it can happend to anyone at anytime. After the MRI the doctor comes to disscuss the results I heard him say stroke and that is all I remember. STROKE STROKE STROKE, I cried and Nat held me and told me we will get through this together. And I know we will it could of been a lot worse. I am very fortunate and should remember that. But the last few weeks feels as though it has been a grieving process, now I think I am finally in the beging steps of healing.

It has been very stressful and lonely to go through this so far away from home and in a hospital that its hard to understand the test they want me to do and what the Doctors are saying to me. So much was runing thourgh my mind. But I think hearing others stories is helping me.

Tommorow I am suppossed to go and see about talking to the Millitary Optomitrist, but I sure hope that my vision improves. I have been lookng at this Rehabiliton device called VRT by nova vision. It is at home therapy you do on your computer, it was designed specificly for Stroke patients suffering vision loss. So maybe the Optomitrist can prescribe it for me. It seems like it has taken away a little bit of my independence and that is hard to deal with. I have to depened on my husband to take me everwhere and take off from work to do so. He doesn't complain and he is a great man, but I do enough complaing for him. I alway's think he is just being nice and not telling me what an inconvience I am too him. I know that's a total lie he loves me and when we did our vow's it was for better or worse.

Wishing nothing but good day's to you all...Until next time.

Sarah

""I alway's think he is just being nice and not telling me what an inconvience I am too him.""

I know exactly where this is coming from. I cried for 6 months during many pity parties with my understanding husband. Once I got on the other side, I remembered how I was with him when he was brain damaged after anaphylactic shock a few years earlier. I loved him and protected him like a baby for more than 2 years, and then again after his massive stroke in '06 - and it didn't make him smaller in my eyes. He then returned the favor in 2008 to me! In sickness and in health... we meant it too!

Awesome! You guys have what we have! I have no doubt you are going to be fine. But let us hear from you from time to time anyway! You can offer hope to others on this site who are feeling hopeless right now. And its just a nice place to visit sometimes.

I am so glad that you found us. There is an amazing group of people here. I don't think I can say anything more or say it better than the other folks who have responded. All I can say is that my husband and I have started on that road a little ahead of you, but not in a foreign land. So....I will say to you, what I said to my husband the first hour in the ambulance..."We are going to take this thing by the balls and beat it...." We are making it.....slowly...I know that you will too....please remind yourself when things seem black that the loneliness and feeling of separation is so much a part of the 'way back'.... We are here to help, support and be here for you...there is a great live chat option so I hope you are able to use it.....Much love from Canada....

hi, Sarah; just wanted to say hello and welcome to this group! My stroke happened in 2004 but my left side remains paralyzed(mostly my left arm these days). I'm walking with a cane; on my 'brave'days, without. Sorry to hear about your situation, being in a foreign country and all that. Please hang in there, knowing you've got friends here. Stay strong and keep hoping and believing in God; I'll include you in my prayers also, just like I do all stroke survivors like myself every night.
Please take care and may God bless and keep you!
Love always,
Annie:)

Sarah,
First of all, I want you to know that you are not alone. I care and I am here for you! My personal email is GeorgesHome@charter.net. I will be happy to write with you. I know the time difference will make phone call more difficult so we can email.

Second, what you are going through is not easy. Yu might feel normal but this is not normal. Everyone who has suffered one or more strokes will tell you that. I'm sure you aren't ready to hear about reinventing your life and your marriage. That comes later.

Right now, you need to understand that strokes affect your brain and your mind. Your thoughts change, your ability to reason changes, your mood changes, and mostly your emotions either go away, leaving you flatline or they are too overwhelming.

One minute everything seems okay and the next you don't know who you are anymore.

I know! I've been there. But you are strong enough to post at Daily Strength. You are an amazing person, I can tell from your words and photo. The person your husband fell in love with is still there. You haven't disappeared. You are very much alive. You still feel and can still love.

So, let me be your friend during these difficult times. I know many other people will add their friendship and extend a hand to you. I have been married 23 years. Don't withdraw from your husband - becuase he will withdraw from you. Learn how to ask for what you need clearly. Explain how you feel to him and get him involved in supporting you. He should be posting on Daily Strength and finding support. Both of you had the stroke - not just you! It is important to remember that.

Hold on! Don't let go. You are not alone. We all care on this website and we are real people.

Your new friend,
Katherine

Thank-You Katherine, your reply made my day. I haven't been on the forum much or posted anything lately but am feeling I should. It seems to be a bit thearaputic to write and read here. It does seem like some really careing and genuine people are here at DailyStrength. Reading the kind words of encouragement is helping me in more way's than I can express.
You are right about learning how to ask for what I need clearly, he say's that is a problem with our communication lately.

It is encouraging to hear that other people who have had a stroke go through some of the same emotions. The only way I can describe it is I guess like Bi-Polar disorder or what I have heard about it and the way it affects your emotions. One minute I am fine the next have no reason to why I am upset, and in a way I am afraid to admit my emotions are so up and down. I don't want Nat to get upset because I am upset. We have talked about maybe talking to a Doctor about medication to balance my moods, but the more I read the more I am leaning more towards not taking medication. Because I don't think I would all of a sudden have a chemical imbalance forcing me to take prescribed medication. But I do feel as though I have depression and have been taking some natural remedy for it, Ginkgo biloba. I will see how that helps. We did however go to A doctor since the stroke happened last week. It was frustrating and I cried on the way home. She had no clue as to what I was trying to say as far as feeling as though I am on a emotional roller coaster. I think she understood I had a stroke, because I told her in german I had a stroke. I used a translator I have on my phone and wrote it so she could read it in german, but it was a long hard process. She is suppossed to be getting my records from the hospital so she understands what has happend.

I started taking german classes last week as well so hopefully those help me a little.

I will be spending more time here on the website, and if I can't make friends here in this country I will make some here at dailystrength atleast and talk this way. It is helping me a lot more than I can express. Thank you to all who has taken the time to read and write to me.

Sarah

Hello Sarah,
I'm glad my words helped. I know some German and this phrase will take you a long way: "Können Sie mir helfen." It means "Can you help me?"

Nat needs to understand that you are doing your best to cope under difficult circumstances. Your brain has been damaged, even if only temporarily. You may not be showing facial expressions that match your words. He needs to ask you if he sees something that appears wrong. My daughter asks me all the time if I am upset. She says I look like I am about to cry, when actually, I am just fine. My husband misreads my expressions and misunderstands my words.

I still have seizures but I have learned to control them so few people notice. I will look at my son with a blank face, unable to answer his question. He knows I don't mean to ignor him, my thought just can't move from my brain to my mouth.

Sarah, you can do this. It takes work and getting to know yourself better than you ever thought possible. You will become an incredible inspiration to others during this journey, so don't let the journey over come you!

Here is what helps me:
1. Say outloud to everyone, "I am being direct and clear so please be direct and clear with me. Don't assume something that I didn't say. Don't read between the lines."

2. "I may look the same, but something has happened to me. I have changed. I am learning to adjust. Please forgive me if I seem confused."

3. "I am strong and I can overcome this, but I may need 'a little bit' of help. Can you agree to help me when I ask for help?"

4. "Thank you for caring about me. It means everything to me that you are willing to stand by me no matter what happens. I am so glad I have you to count on. I really appreciate you."

It takes very little for us to fall apart but it takes a village to put us back together again. Expect others to help and thank them at every step. My faith has kept me alive but if faith is not part of your life, try to find some peace in knowing people around you care about you.

Katherine

Sarah,
Some rehabilitation news on vision problems.
You may need to start researching on your own.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...
Dean