Stroke Support Group

Sorry Memie, I cannot just type 5 sentences - I am a thesis waiting to be written (smiling)

My heart does goes out to you in this situation. You indeed are not the same person anymore. Life and each and every little detail in it has a completely different meaning since your stroke - if it has any meaning or significance anymore at all. We are right there with you.

My hubby, now 53, was brain damaged during severe anaphylactic shock in 2001 (wasp bite). We'd been married almost 3 years to the day. He had constant seizures until controlled in 2005. Then had a massive stroke Christmas 2006.

I (now almost 53) had 1st stroke in 2003 - no biggie but I began a major health decline, awful MVA in 2004, then a 2nd stroke in Dec 2007. Needless to say, there is nothing of my former self that exists today except the love Christ placed in my heart when I was 16 years old. That love endures and helps me relate to my husband and children and the few others I come in contact with (online - I don't leave the house anymore - too much input outside - cannot sort it).

I very happily stuck by hubby through his 2001-05 ordeal then he had a decent turnaround after the seizures were controlled, but still had (and has) cognitive problems. He has zero on the left size and can walk a little with his brace on and a cane. When we have to go anywhere, I push him in his wheelchair with my swollen crooked fingers/hands/wrists and screaming nerves, muscles & joints in my hips & legs. Whining here - got any cheese? LOL

I am early S5 dementia and now have all of what he went through with brain damage event plus some. Put us together and you won't come out with one whole person. LOL

We always felt if this were anyone but US, our relationship would not have survived. Heck, if it had been anyone but us, they wouldn't not have Survived! Thankfully, we just clung more tightly to one another and Christ.

I cannot imagine being in the condition I am in right now and being with someone "normal." That has GOT to be sooooo hard!

Hubby was/is made of good stuff and always TRIED though often failed. While I was still normal, I made sure he had no qualms about his disabilities and picked up where he couldn't finish. But that is what my heart was made of to begin with.

He can do little now, same with me, and it takes both of us to accomplish simple things that for normal people are automatic. Sometimes takes days or weeks...sometimes never gets done. LOL

Now we simply agree that when we can't, we won't. And when we can, we will (fill in the blank with anything) and we are both fine with that.

Watching him struggle all those years - watching him hold his head up - watching him try and fail, then try again a different way later. Wow, he taught me THEN how to survive what I am enduring NOW. He is my hero.

I pass this lesson on to YOU: It is okay to fail, but it is not okay to give up. Apply that to whatever needs it, if you are so inclined.

Your isolation saddens me so very much. I just hope that if you do go it alone, that you will find something to interest and fulfill you.

Oh, and one more thing. If you push people away, they WILL go away. Careful with that. You ARE deserving and still have much to offer. Perhaps you can put your nursing knowledge to work and work a help line part time or something!

Our youngest is still in college but planning nursing school afterward. Will certainly be glad about that - then I can call and wake HER up in the middle of the night and ask what I should do (smiling).

Hugs

hi, there; my marriage just ended recently; I'm devastated, of course. My stroke happened 5 years ago in 2004 when I was 44. For a while there, it looked optimistic, but then, my husband reached the burnout stage and asked for a divorce back in April/May. Our divorce just went final. You're lucky to, at least have your children and grandchildren. We have one son - he's 10, almost 11 and is the apple of our eyes. We're anextended family; I have 2 older kifds from my previous marriage. My husband is 9 years younger than I am, and, naturally, he wants a new life of his own. Good luck to you, sweetie. Please don't give up on your husband yet. I wish i had agreed to counselling when my husband suggested it before but I was too stubborn and proud.Shame on me!Now, I regret all the mistakes and decisions I made prior to this divorce.If you love your husband, give your marriage another chance, please. . .

Memieof3,
Well - I have learned to reinvent myself and my marriage. It hasn't been easy but it has been worth the journey.
I have been married for 23 years. I am now 48. My entire life has been about overcoming impossible odds.
I had multiple strokes and heart complications for several years. Then, 30-40 seizures per day for an additional 3 years. I still have seizures but I have conquered their impact in my life.
Reinventing my life took courage. I had to try new things and take exceptional risks. But I knew I could only fail myself by not trying.
My husband lost part of himself during my strokes and has never quite recovered. I think that I brought out the best in him and now he is lost.
Staying with him through his struggle has been hard but I owe it to him as he tries to find his way again.
Our children need us to be strong. They need us to be united in marriage. They have suffered as well. No one is immune in a family where chronic illness is present.
The worst thing a family can do is fall apart and remain broken. It takes a village to repair a broken family. Instead, we have persevered, found out how to love again, and stopped blaming each other for things out of our control.
I should mention that I had illness as a child, cancer in my twenties, and rupture in my pelvic cavity before the strokes. I had a 50 percent chance of dying during pregnancy. Our children had seizures as infants. Our son was unable to walk at age 8 from pain, both children were severely allergic to dairy and would go into shock, my husband had depression, and I lost my eyesight while driving with both children in the car.
I currently have brain damage and take three injections per day of blood thinner.
But I am happy - I am well - I am in health not illness - I thank God every moment for being with me along this journey - and I love everyone I meet.
These are all just temporary struggles. We forget thier impact as soon as we remember to smile.

I SORT OF KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, I HAD STROKE 12/2006, I HAVE LEFT SIDE NON-FUNCTIONING. I HAVE NEVER REALLY DATED AT ALL. I AM 59, I MET A GUY ON LINE LAST MONTH AND WE HAVE STARTED SEEING EACH OTHER. LAST FRIDAY NITE HE WAS COMING OVER... RIGHT BEFORE HE GOT THERE I FEEL IN THE BEDROOM AND COULDN'T GET UP. HE GOT THERE, FOUND ME ASND HAUWLED MY BUTT UP. I WAS MORTIFIED BUT HE SAID, NO PROBLEM HAD HUGGED ME. WHERE WAS HE 10 YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS LIVING THE GOOD LIFE? I THINK I WILLM JUST CONCENTRATE ON HOW LUCKY I AM TO HAVE SOME ONE... BTW- THE GUY I WAS SEEING RIGHT BEFORE I HAD STROKE DISAPPEARED ON ME WITHOUT EVEN A GOOD BYE. I GUESS FOR BETTER OR WORSE, SOME PEOPLE ARE CAREGIVERS AND SOME AREN'T. WITH OR WITHOUT THE YEARS OF MEMORIES.

Unfortunately, I recently just got divorced early this month; my ex and I just grew apart and, him being my caregiver - he reached his breaking point, and so, he gave up and, now, we're divorced. We've been together for almost 18 years although we've only been legally married about 15 years. Still, that's a very long time and I'm hurtin' coz I really do love him still, despite everything; he was a good husband and caregiver to me, especially those crucial first couple of years when you get out of the hospital. Sorry to hear about your situation; but, please hang in there, ok? Who knows? Things could change or improve/ You never know. I've learned to accept that I'm now a different person since my stroke. Good luck to you, and please don't give up; I'll be praying for your renewed strength.

Irecently got divorced just last month, after almost 18years of marriage. It's been very painful; I still cry a lot even now. Please take care - you'll be alright; just stay strong. . .