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xmas/family stress
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hmmm - well I hate to be the first one to bring it up but its nearly here.... this seems to be my stressiest time regarding my family.. I mean I am the worst person in the world generally the rest of the year but at this time..... I am the selfish bitch......
basically, I live an 8hour drive away from where the rest of my family live and as they all live there its not convenient for them to come to me for xmas but for me and hubby to go there... unfortunately, I have a very demanding job that only gives me the public holidays off... and luckily it lands on a weekend this year so I get 4days off.... In order to enjoy the time there, I plan to fly but this cost an awful lot of money...which i am willing to spend to "be there" for chrissy.... BUT the issue starts with gifts... I dont have kids whereas my siblings all do and my older sister (the organiser) basically demands what we spend... i dont know what it will be this year... but I am worried.... I have already spent the money on the flight (long story......) and she normally says we have to spend $100 per sibling (3) PLUS throw in for mum dad nan (fair enough) PLUS $30 per child... thats another $180 for me... but... and I know this is VERY selfish but I have already paid about double that to get to them the be there..... why do I have to pay all that out?????? If I say I dont want to pay cause I am paying to get to them to share the day.... they then say well you dont get anything from all of us.. so my hubby and i sit there on chrissy day watching everyone hand out and open gifts.... we should have just stayed home right... and if I say well we wont come down, we sit at home by ourselves and throughout the year hear how they want us to come down.. BUT THEY DONT REALISE...... it costs alot ....... my christmas expense runs into the $1200 mark... Ive got other(better)more important things to pay for.... see my dilemma???? frick... this gets me every damn year..... Posted on 09/23/09, 02:09 am |
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In my opinion your older sister has NO say on how you should spend your money. If it's costing you so much to fly out there she should just be happy that your coming to visit. I'd have a talk with her and tell her how much it costs you to visit and that you don't have that kind of money to spend on gifts. I hope this helps, don't feel bad about it 
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I agree w/ upsdall 100%. I don't think your being selfish or unreasonable. In these hard times $30-100 is a lot of money just for presents. I think its both rude and wrong for someone to tell you what to spend on a gift, family or not. I was always raised w/ the notion of being happy that the person came to see you and to appreciate the gift you got, because it not the gift but rather the thought counts. Not to mention I was also raised to believe that spending money on gifts does NOT equate love.
Also, not sure where you live, but the economy in my area is still bad, so even $30 a person for gifts is stretching it quite a bit for a lot of families that I know. I also agree that you should try to talk to your sister about drastically reducing the budget, or seeing if you all could just draw names out of a hat instead, so that everyone only has one person to buy for. Not to mention you could have a dessert party and just skip the present exchange altogether. If your family still won't budge, you could always stay home save money and spend quality time w/ your DH. Well, good luck! :D
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I agree with everyone here. Sis just has to understand. I hope she will. Christmas is such a stressful time anyway. And it isn't supposed to be about the gifts. Good luck.
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Here's what I'd do...
Tell your sister that you care about all of your family and are looking forward to the day, and that you will get everyone something, but that with traveling and all money is tight and it is not up to her, or any of her business, how much you spend on everyone. Then try to get creative with homemade/cheap but nice gifts. If she seems huffy put her on the spot and say "Oh, I didn't realize you wanted me there just for my money" and you can also let her know that you would be happy with whatever she gets for you, you don't expect a certain amount from her either :) If she argues with all that, she's really going to make herself look selfish. Good luck!
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Aren't the holidays about family,love and being together? Why make it about money? No one can tell you what to do, let your heart tell you. Your sister can accept this or be upset, that is her choice not yours. Have a happy :)
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I agree with the others. Each person draws a name at the very most. I personally have no family here and the best present I could ever get is to have family here for Christmas. It would be the same if I went to their various homes as we are all spread out. I love Christmas music, going out to see the Christmas lights etc. Laughing and joking together. That means more to me than a present. Several years ago we all had to make homemade gifts. It didn't matter what it was. Well, we got some very creative gifts. We also did some baking together and went to some neighbors houses and sang Christmas carols at their door and presented the cookies. Each neighbor invited us in for Hot chocolate or something. It was farmland so there were only a few neighbors. I would say that was my best Christmas with my family. You really need to talk to your sister and tell her how much you love being with the family for Christmas each year but financially you just can't afford to get a gift for each person on top of the travelling costs. I know so many people who do a draw each year. This Christmas they will do a draw for next Christmas. One friend made a beautiful quilt and pillow cases. She had a whole year to do it. She got to choose what she wanted to do or what amount to spend. In fact I get a beautiful homemade Christmas card each year from her. I keep them all they are so beautiful and unique. They do this with friends and family every October and make a day of it and have alot of fun. They are a very close family only 2 out of 4 live in the same area. They still get together each year. Some would even help pay the flight just to get to see their family. If your sister doesn't understand talk to the other siblings. Maybe they feel the same way but don't want to say anything to rock ole sister's boat.
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