What is Stress Management
Stress management defines stress as a person's physiological response to an external stimulus that triggers the "fight-or-flight" reaction. Causes of stress: Work, life, many thing...
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i need major help i soooo stressed help.
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I have a 14 year old. I've askedher several times to clean out her office/tv room. This is her space to hang out with her friends and play games. today it was "yeah yeah mom, you don't have to ask several times "I KNOW!". So after she went to bed I go into that room.
I am embarrassed to say but: -there was dog poop everywhere from her puppy that she said did not poop in that room but it's potty training was going along nicely. -there was food everywhere. on the floor, on the desk, behind the computer etc. toilet paper from her cold was shredded all over the floor from the pups. dirty dishes galore and fruit flies to accomodate them. school supplies all over the desk and floor. dirty clothes. So I exploded. I was tossing everything into the garbage. AT 11:30 an night! I woke my husband and daughter. They probably think I am the meany but I have been the only cleaning this entire as every one else is sick or tired. I don't want bugs or mice throughout the house. I can't get them to understand that once the house is infested it is hard to get rid of them. I've lost my mom and dad not even two years apart. Dad was in Jan. My aunt died today and I just found out tonight. Yet no one seems to care about me. How I walk around in a fog. I work full time out of my home yet I do the dinners etc. (My husband lets me order in as he does not get home until 6:30 - 7 p.m.) I want to throw things!! How can I handle the stress appropriately! I am going to end up in divorce at this rate. My husband still has his parents. he helped me caregive for my parents and was very supportive of my time in caregiving for them. My house had suffered because of this. Yet here I am still plugging away. If I ask nicely nothing gets done. Then I get cranky and explode and everyone runs to help. Everyone around me is dying on my side of the family. I'm having cranky menopausal symptoms which makes me difficult to live with anyway. Any advice? My daughter is crying her eyes out right now. But earlier this evening when I asked her nicely all I got was attitide. I'm done. Posted on 10/09/09, 02:10 am |
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Many hugs to you Sherri!! Sorry that there has been so many losses in your family lately. Having lost a parent myself, I know how hard it is. My best advice would be to take some time for yourself to grieve each loss. From your post it seems that you were very close to those who passed.
W/o taking time for your self it seems that your emotions are being buried until you reach a breaking point and explode. By giving yourself time to go through the emotions of how you feel, you'll slowly start to feel better. Also, as for your DD and DH I think you should sit down and have a long serious family talk (mainly for DD's sake) w/ them about how everyone benefits from a clean home and not just one person so its up to everyone to help keep the house tidy. In addition, maybe you could also make a family chore chart so that everyone can get on the same page about who's doing what chore on which day(s) so you aren't so overwhelmed all the time. Not sure if you or DH tie in punishments w/ chores but when you have a talk w/ DD you and DH could also go over the punishments that could be doled out for forgetting. A chore chart would also give your DD a sense of responsibility for being independent. Not to mention show her the consequences for not following through w/ chores Also, w/ a chore chart you would only have to ask DD if she got her chores done and since you could walk around the house to see for yourself if she did them or not, it would give you a good opportunity to praise her for the chores she did remember to do causing less stress for you. Lastly, I forgot to mention earlier that you could try changing some of the house rules and see if that helps too. For example, a lot of my friends and my self included don't eat around the house nor let guests eat around the house either, everyone always has to eat in the kitchen. We do this not t as a means to be mean or rude but, like you mentioned to cut down on bacteria, mold growth and bugs that can result from dropped food that can be hidden somewhere or that fell behind something causing mold. Also, my state has a SERIOUS bedbug problem which can quite costly to get rid of if you get an infestation. Well, I hope things start to look up for you soon!! Good luck :D 
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I agree w/ pp. Family meeting time.
Your DH needs to start pitching in. Not only in the housework but in lighting a fire under DD. If she wants to have friends over than she needs to keep her areas clean. The state of that room you described is discusting. You should have blown your top and it is okay for you to as well. Sounds to me like they are a lot like my family. They take and take until you explode than you are the "bad guy". You work full time it is only fair that they share in all of the housework.
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Sorry to hear about your losses! I agree with the other two replies about having a family meeting. However, at 14, I think she should get that this is her space, and you shouldn't hav e to repeatedly tell her to clean. If you're comfortable with it, I would take her cell, tv, anything like that that she doesn't need. Do you ground? I know being grounded was the worst thing for me when I was her age! Honestly, five changes of clothes and a bed to sleep in...if she is clean, fed, and has a roof over her head, she has what she needs.
I also think a private dicussion with your husband is in order. You have suffered tremendous distress, and maybe he needs that pointed out to him. Hang in there!
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You have every right to be stressed. It took me three days of asking and the THE MELTDOWN to get my son to clean his bathroom. I work all day and come home to a mess. I know how you feel. I try to be nice, laid back and cool about it. But ignore me, wait for me to do it or just go away and I am gonna lose it, that's a promise.
I probably need family meeting time too. How come it's always we women who only notice that the laundry won't do itself?
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Thanks for your advice. I just wanted to let you what has happened since. I kicked my daughter out of that room permanently. I have cleaned the carpets and the room looks nice. She is now in a room close to my office (I work from home). I told her this is her last chance. If she doesn't keep that area clean then she won't have her own area.
Also, since then she has willingly done other household chores and done them WELL! My husband has also pitched in a bit more as well. He is still sick though and that worries me. I am so pleased that my daughter's attitude has changed. So pleased that the chores I asked her to that she did a great job. Usually I have to ask several times and then the job is very sloppy. Trust me I am not picky.
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