What is Stress Management
Stress management defines stress as a person's physiological response to an external stimulus that triggers the "fight-or-flight" reaction. Causes of stress: Work, life, many thing...
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Deal with a jerry springer family
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I am the oldest child--56-- of 5 kids and I have forever helped all of them with money ,support, moved them ,paid bills given advice, now were on a second generation of it, im the only one that made a normal life by working for 37 yrs. and having a nice home, I dont do drugs or drink like them
Eight yrs ago my brother was waiting on his divorce to be finale, that he didnt want, he has one little girl at the time was 8 and the wife hated this family, to make it short, my brother died after surgery to repair a heart condition, and I was execter and he left me in charge of the money as well, I was to pay his debts, funeral expenses among other things, the money for other things as well,I put 70,000 in cds for the daughter , when she reached of age,the mother did not allow the family to contact the daughter, well now she will be 18 and wants to meet everybody and her check will stop, now my brother that lives in calif. stays in touch with her alot thru texting and as called the childs mom evername in the book and hes her best friend and is going to protect her all of a sudden, this girl calls me and says she wants to talk to me asap, shes having major issues with her mom, and she wants to spend time to get to know me, I explained I did not care to get involved with her issues with her mother, however I was interested in her school work and was she getting ready for college her answer is shes not good at filling out applications!!! hasnt learned to drive yet, doesnt want to work part-time, her mom has to move soon all the social security stops in a few months and they dont know where they will leave, I encoursged to get her ducks in a row for college she is a senior this year, doesnt sound good to me I feel so bad ,I dont want to deal with this drama, I dont need it I have other neices and nephews that she smokes weed with but says she cant stand them, she asked if I would spend time taking her to lunch, when her and her mom werent mad ,I never was thought of ,but my brother that she talks to has did a good job telling this kid all of the rotten things her mom did to dad and that really mad me angry,I have heart problems and hate this, should I try to meet her, she is manuplating and makes excuses for everything, I went through so much pain with this when I buried my brother and ,I dont know how much money to give her and when,my family talks about me all the time that I need to give this immature child her money her dad left for her the amount is my decision I gave her and her half brother 15,000 3 yrs ago and they gave most of it to mom, i need advice Posted on 10/05/09, 10:10 pm |
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Hi Becky
Sorry to hear about your family drama. I really hope it doesn't sound mean or rude, but from reading your post about your niece, it seems like she wants to use you to get to the rest of her money, especially if her life seems as unstable as you describe. Also, as to whether you should meet her or not, it's up to you of course, but if it were me I'd meet with her for lunch ONLY once as a means of uninterrupted time to sit down and to hear her out about her future plans and to help you decide what to do about her money. For example, if she sounds sincere about getting her act together and is either going to go to college or work, then I would say yea, she should get some money to help w/ school expenses or rent etc. BUT if she sounds like all she wants to do is shirk her responsibilities and blame everyone else for how bad her life is then I would say doesn't deserve a dime until you see fit I feel by meeting w/ her just once it'll either confirm or deny your suspicions about what type of direction she is headed in life. Also, if you do decide to meet w/ her I would definitely have a plan for the rest of her money before meeting her. For example, not sure what state you live in , but I would at least look in to see if she is still young enough for a trust fund. I know in some states there are different types of trusts that a child can't access until they are 21 and I think in just a few states maybe 25. If you can get a trust for when she's older, I would see if it could be spread out over monthly or yearly payments in the small chance that she gets her act together. If you can't get some type of trust, then the only thing you can really do is give her the full amount of what's left when she's 18 and pray she does the right thing. As someone who has been there and done in bending over backwards for family, I can tell you first hand the stress simply isn't worth it. Either way, I think you did the best you could to look out for your niece's best interest. Its such a shame she doesn't realize it. Hopefully one day soon she'll get a serious wake up call about the real world. Good luck w/ whatever decision you decide to make :D. 
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thank you so much, im in va, and im through with the drama and stress, many years of this already has done its toll on my heart problems, Ive been suffering a migrane for 3 days and blood pressure high, I got a grip today, I legally dont have to give her anything, but its what my brother would have liked her to have opportunities, I think the brother in Calif. is obsesed with this child recieving this money, so unfortunatly the cds are not going to be ready untill june anyway, then she will be 18 and no more social security, the kids immaturity drives me nuts, I will see about the trust and I really just want to wash my hands of it all, and I need to stop talking to california brother, he stirs alot of stink here in Va constantly, Im divorced ,live alone and just lost my own job, and went to counseling earlier this year for my own stress, things just settled down for me a few months ago and I no longer have any drama, stress and dont want it either, thank you so much
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Thanks for the update Becky. Sorry to hear about your job loss. I hope every thing looks up for you soon. You really deserve it.
Lastly, I can't blame you for cutting out the stress in your life as life is just too short to be stressed out. I've been there too w/ stress and I agree, it really is much more freeing to cut your losses and move on to more positive things. Good Luck :D
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