Stress Management Support Group

You can start by trying to understand your daughter. Being a teenager is very difficult. They feel so torn as they are in a weird spot between childhood and adulthood. It's also been scientifically proven that they experience some very specific brain changes that impact their behavior.

Your best bet is to open the lines of communication. Listen to her and try to understand her feelings. Let her know that you are genuinely concerned for her health and happiness. Remind her that you are on her side--you are not the enemy. Talk WITH her rather than TO her and you'll get better results. Also, pick your battles wisely. Every disagreement isn't worth the headache.

Remember that teenagers are real people with feelings, emotions, fears, doubts, hopes, challenges, and weaknesses that can be just as overwhelming for them as they are for adults.

If you adjust your outlook to one of compassion and soften your approach with understanding, the relationship with your daughter will improve and these years will be easier.

I'm here you ever want to speak with another mom of a teenager.

Maybe I should be the last one talking about getting along with teen daughters. I had two, one was hell and the other was easy. But maybe what I learned was to leave them alone, not to expect them to want or do the same things as me. If I had another 17 year old who wanted to date a 22 year old dropout I wouldn't try to stop her. Maybe so that defiance of me wouldn't be part of her decision making process I would encourage them, maybe even when he came over wearing only speedos and she went and sat on his lap in his car in front of our house. I would never threaten to hurt him again because that just drove them together and 20 years later my baby is still paying the price. But remember this: stress comes from not getting what you want when you think YOU should be in control.

Thank you for helpping me I will do my best.

Raising teenage daughters is challenging, to say the least. They want so badly to be treated like adults, yet they are still children mentally and physically... even though they continually change, develop, and mature before our eyes.

Even though it's hard, I recommend stepping back and assessing the situation as though you're an outsider. What I've noticed about my daughter (14 this month) is that she becomes a completely different person about a week before her period. She's extremely irritable, impatient, and basically thinks her little sister, dad and I are all total idiots. She is not herself and tends to make a lot of bad choices during this time - it's like super-sized PMS. Once her period starts, she goes back to "normal" until the next month.

It took a while to figure this pattern out but now that we have, I know what to expect and how to diffuse it. I don't get overwhelmed anymore because I know it's temporary and it's not intentional. In fact, my daughter has learned to curb the attitude somewhat since we've talked about it and if she's feeling irritable or mean-spirited, she'll go listen to music in her room and try to have more alone time. Her dad and I won't tolerate the behavior but we are more forgiving during this time which has helped our whole family.

If this doesn't relate to your situation, then try to think of your daughter as someone who's trying to find herself. She sees you as her #1 role model and if she tends to get a lot of grief because you're stressed over finances and the like, she's most likely going to give it back because that's what she knows. Try to remember that she won't be young forever and she needs your guidance. Talk to her one-on-one, take her to dinner or go on a hike and get to know her. She may not come around right away but if you keep up the interest, she'll eventually let you in. I really think our kids need us more as teenagers than any other age group... they are so pressured from every angle and their stresses are just as real as ours.

Good luck :)

I have to say that all these posts have broadened my knowledge of having teens, even though i have a 9 year old son.
I only have one thing to add from my perspective, that i have seen as a therapist, and on DS. Teens, especially girls are under immense pressure to do well at school, be in the latest fashion, being seen as cool at school, deal with sexuality etc. and all while many physical and mental changes take place, and let me tell you this pressure is overwhelming for them!
I know that we as adults think that we should be obeyed and they should pull their weight etc but forcing them to do it simply does not work! I am forever thinking 'what are we doing to our kids' as i said we want super acheivers and chores etc etc but they can rarely handle it!
Many take to self harm and eating disorders as a way to either distract from mega emotional stress or to feel they have some control in their life, even though the behaviour is incredibly harmful.
Obviously all kids are different, no 2 the same but by reading these other posts, you will be on a good footing!
Now i most certainly dont mean to scare you but its worth you just keeping a watchful eye on how she is around food and if she goes off to the toilet straight after meals etc, they can be very sneaky with hiding these behaviours! also look out for her wearing clothes that may be covering up any self harming, like wrists etc, see if shes happy to wear a bathing suit etc, if she is not showing certain body parts, then this can be a clue, BUT never challenge them about it, unless somethig very serious is going on, just talk in a calm way about how she feels and how you can help her.
I only alert you to this because the cases of self harming etc is rocketing, so its just a heads up , ok?
We teach them how to do math and such, but we dont teach them about emotions etc and this is causing problems!
H.