Stress Management Support Group

My first thought is...if you can afford a nanny, then find another soon. You do have a lot of work to deal with & some help would be wonderful. You need a break...some space in your day just for you. Sorry I can't be more helpful. I hope your situation improves.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking too, get another nanny. Only alternative I can think of is to relax and quit trying so hard. Let the kids (and hubby) wear dirty clothes if they don't help or learn to wash their own. Don't worry about the mess in their rooms. That's why they have doors. If no-one helps or does the dishes get paper plates and plastic utelsils. Vacuum? haha, not my job. Dinner? Banquet and others make great frozen dinners, or Pizza Hut every night. Make it clear to everyone else, especially hubby, that you were not born into a life of servitude and solving these problems is a family deal.

daniflorida...great advice!

I wish I had thought of all that.

daninflorida
perfection as usual!
GO ON STRIKE! and let them fend for themselves, its hard at first because your stomach will lurch everytime you see socks on the floor, but as they realise that the have no clean undies etc then the penny will drop!
I hate to seem cruel but you letting them get away from it all this time has now come to a head! I'm not having a dig because my mom did the same with us boys and we got a rude shock when we left home, we met women that was not going to put up with slobbish behaviour, so we had to fly right PDQ!!
Also SAY NO! more often, it like a muscle, the more you do it the stronger you get!
Yes, getting another nanny is one idea, but this reaffirms that they should not have any resposibilities!
because im normally a verbal person (what do you mean, i cant beleive it!) I find that silence is an ominous thing to people who have over stepped the mark, when my son has misbehaved, i go very silent (it physically terrifies him!) because its not me at all, so thats his punishment because when i speak, i deliver his punishment, and its one that cuts him to the quick! like no kids TV for a week (and it must be FULLY carried out because cutting it short weakens your credibility, its hard but must be done!) have a day of silence, it'll really hit home, but you must say and do NOTHING! and do NOTHING for them!
to ignore all our advice means your happy for it to carry on, ARE YOU? some might think i'm being hard on you, but you know i'm telling the hard truth, tea and sympathy aint my thing, ACTION IS!!
Not being rude but why if you can afford a nanny do you not take the money youve saved paying her and go away (on your own) to a spa or something, for a weekend and let them all stew in it, they wont die without you, but they may just be shocked into realisation of all that you have to put up with, so pack a bag and just tell them you'll be back monday ("oh i couldnt do that" you say" Why F****** not!) take a tip from birds, if pushing them to fly is what it takes, then give em a shove! as we say in the UK you need to get your dander up (old saying for getting worked up enough to actually do something)
H.

I definitely agree w/ the others. You need time for yourself. You need to issue a chore chart definitely NEED to go on strike! Like the old saying: they won't miss the water until the well runs dry.

Growing up in my house if a child was old enough to walk or talk starting at age 2, then they were old enough to help around the house whether its picking up clothes or putting away toys. After all a family IS a team and everyone benefits from a clean home, not just one person,, nanny or not. . Like my mom always said "unless your going to be a maid the rest of your life then, no one is going to pick up after you in the real world"

I agree w/ the other poster that unless the kids w/ the exception of the baby, have some type of chores or responsibility now, then its setting them up for disaster down the line, because very few people once they reach adulthood will put up w/ someone who doesn't know how to clean up.

I also know of a parent that when her kids refuse to clean up, she takes one toy for how ever old they are, plus an extra one if she has to help them clean. And she starts w/ their favorite toys first.

She also doesn't give back all the toys she took at once either. Her kids get back one toy per week, where their favorite toy gets handed back last.

After going through almost a month w/o playing video games her kids sure don't complain about helping out now.

Lastly, I would definitely have a sit-down talk w/ DH, since he has to help you set a good example for the kids too and is a committed partner in your marital team. By getting him on board to take the initiative and to help w/ a chore chart, he can help keep the other kids in-line too.


Good Luck :D

One thing I didn't notice until after my reply is that Dette is in the Phillipines. I've heard conflicting things about your country. One thing is that it's very "maternal". That's probably the wrong word, but that women rule the families. The other thing is the opposite and that what we used to call "wife beating" and now we call "domestic violence" might be an accepted thing. What's the real story on those things?

If u can take a break of 2-3 days from work and take care of the clildren & in mean while if yu can look out for an alternative NANNY then it will be fine.
SInce u are working and cannot give more time to your kids so they are feeling lonly... spend some time with them.

Hi Dette,

I think the first mistake that we make as mothers is thinking that everything has to be perfect. I guess it's because women are natural nurturers. Think about this... what is the worst that can happen if the dishes don't get done? If the house is a mess for an entire week, will that kill someone? What is really a life and death matter? How much of what you're stressed about is really worth stressing about? Do what you can and say screw the rest. Get a new nanny or PATIENTLY work on teaching your kids responsibility; but don't let it stress you out.

Good health, happiness, financial means to feed/clothe/shelter your family, love, moments of silence.... those are the things that should take priority. Instead of trying to force perfection... find the perfection in what you already have-- each other.

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