Stillbirth Support Group

Yes..you are not alone in that one. It is different for our husbands too. Since their "physical life" didn't change before, during, or after the pregnancy..it seems as though they don't separate it so much. For us, I think it is a way of compartmentalizing so that it's easier to handle. Not that any "thing" seems to make it easier. The days just seem "less miserable" as they move on.

Yes, my life is definitely in "before" and "after" parts, and what sunshinebaby said makes sense as to why we experience it and our husbands don't. Our bodies physically changed, and though they will go back to close to what they used to be, they are forever changed.

Yes, I experienced that feeling quite vividly. It came in the form of a mental image which would flash spontaneously into my mind in idle moments, usually when I wasnt thinking about my baby. The image was a heavy steel door slamming shut, but not an ordinary door, it was like a guillotine coming down separating me from everthing I had been and known before. Oddly - or perhaps not - this image didnt distress me and I always understood its meaning. I see it now as my mind's attempt to heal my soul.

I only realised when I began posting on this site that I havent seen "The Door" for many years now. At some point over time, I think the loss of Kaya became an integral part of my Life journey and not a separate event.

A few years ago, I asked Kaya's father for his memories of her and her birth and was stunned to discover they were almost as clear as mine. I think the fathers grieve deeply but feel they have to hold everything together.

Hugs, Lee

Kayasmom--"At some point over time, I think the loss of Kaya became an integral part of my Life journey and not a separate event."

Such wisdom. Thank you very much for that. Wonderful perspective.

I feel the same way, I've aged and I've grown. Life threw me onto a new path a path I never thought I would have to walk but it has shown me who I am truly. I am no longer the same person, so yes I know what you mean.

My husband & I were JUST discussing that yesterday...I told him that I can't really remember who I was before we lost the little ones. I can't remember what it was like to not cry every single day. Even our relationships & friendships have changed...depending on how people treat us now. I am still waiting for that "before vs after" feeling to leave...although I have a feeling that this is the new "me" and a new normal...

I kinda think like that too. It is different for me simply because it was daughter that had the loss. She is doing good and I am happy for that. I think I have the trouble because I am the mom of 4 (she is my oldest) so I know what she is missing out on. He was her first. Does that make sense?

Gndmatoangelnathan I am also the oldest of 4 i have three sisters It is really difficult right now because my sister just had a little one a few days ago and not even 2 weeks after my loss. I am lucky because i have a 4 year old daughter. She is my miracle baby because she was born at 27 weeks and was 2 lbs 11 oz. I am so glad i have her i don't know what i would do with out her i don't think i would ever get out of bed. I think it is awesome that you have joined this group that you are that supportive. bless you

I think my daughter has blocked alot of stuff. She has to go up to the hospital monday to the orthopedic dr. She has 2 ingrown toe nails. She was asking me where the drs office was. I told her it is where we went the day before she had nathan to do a fetal scan and pelvic scan. She said she doesn't remember where that is. I know her life was a blurr from the moment they told her he was gone. But I didn't think she had blocked out that much. I have had several people tell me that they could not do what I was doing for my daughter. I told them not to say that because you would be suprised what you can do when it is dealt to you. Thanks for letting me share.