I remember when it happened to me. My husband and I were invited to a wedding for after he would've been born and been only 2 months old. We were going to have to have my parents babysit while we traveled to this particular wedding, and I remember thinking that I absolutely didn't want to leave my newborn baby! Well, once I experienced my loss I would've given anything to be able to "leave" him and then "come home" to him. Anything at all to be able to come home to him.

Packing up his things wasn't easy. I did keep a few things that were meant for him and that were special. They are still in a box with some other memories. This is all we have, and I need something.

You see, my loss was years ago now, but I haven't forgotten. My heart goes out to you at this time. I know it is hard.

I am so so sorry. I lost my daughter 10 months ago and i still haven't been able to touch her room. I tried once and flipped out, I cannot even think about it much less do it. My heart hurts for you, I know that is going to be hard to do. Again I am so sorry hun. Many hugs and prayers.

I asked my sister who had a bay girl due the week after I delivered my princess to take all of my baby stuff. So her room was cleared out before I got home. The challenge now is that I have to see my niece wearing Sinza's clothes, playing with her ducks in the bath. Its been 2 months . I take pride in my little girl's generosity, although it is immensely hard to watch. I hope she is proud of me too! Do what feels right for you, hugs!

I agree. Do what is right for you. Everyone is different. Some may need things around for a while, and for others it is better to get things packed and out of sight right away. You do what you need to in order to heal.

Hugs!

I know this is hard... it was hard for me too. We thought about moving out of our apartment too, but for us, we didn't want to leave the space where she lived, even if she was inside. It's hard either way, I think.

We chose to pack up everything except for the basic nursery stuff and a few of her special things that we'll be putting into a nice chest. We couldn't bring ourselves to give away any of her things, except some of the disposable diapers.

I know what you mean about feeling like she is still coming home. I'm almost two months out and I still have those weird feelings sometimes... like it was all a bad dream. Hang in there.

I was surprised that I did not cry when I packed up Malaysia's things. I ended up buying a nice chest to put her special things in like my favorite outfit of hers, the first stuffed animal that my mom bought her and her hospital blanket and cap that the funeral home saved for us. The rest of the clothes and supplies I put in a big pink bin so that I would know which stuff was hers. I have it in an empty room at our new house. I go in the room and look at her things when I need to cry.

Celian I have know doubt that your daughter is proud of your generosity. It was a very brave thing for you to do. Right now I am so stuck on thinking that no one is going to wear Malaysia's clothes not even if I have another baby girl in the future. I know it must have been hard for you.

I lost my baby boy 12 days ago. I was 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant. When we left the hospital we went to my boyfriends parents house for the first night then we really had to find the strength to go home because we had animals a neighbour was checking in on for the past 2 days. We also have a small place so our son's things were everywhere and I knew it was going to be hard but I felt I had to get them out of the house. Honestly, we stopped at the liquor store first ..don't judge..and packed everything except a few things up that night including the crib, change table, everything. The next morning I made a little memorial spot where his crib was and I see it every morning when I wake up. This has been and is the hardest thing of my life. I am only 25 and this was my first baby. He was perfect. I am so sorry for your loss and the struggles you went through in packing up your daughter's things.. I know because I have just been there. It is painful and confusing. My heart goes out to the mothers who say they are unable to touch or move any of their babies things too. I know it must be so hard, I couldn't see all of that everyday and knew that from the begining. I would be in constant shambles and never feel like recovery is possible. I know there are a lot of people praying for me right now and that must be where this strength is coming from but it is still so hard every single day.

After 11 months I still have all of my son's things. In the beginning everyone told me to keep the things because they knew we would be trying to have another baby. Honestly, I can not stand the thought of another baby of mine using those things that were meant for him. I would rather them go to strangers. I know that might sound weird but I think seeing even my own baby in those things would be a constant reminder that my son never got to wear them or play with them, etc.

Hayden's mom I am so sorry that you have joined this club. I can tell that you are a strong person because it has only been 12 days and you are able to talk about what you went through. When packing up your son's things you did what was right for you. I am glad that you were able to thing ahead about what would hinder your recovery process

mzjitt, I understand that feeling of not being able to see another child of yours using your baby's things, they were meant for him. I am going to use the stroller, crib, tub etc. for when we have another baby but her clothes and toys are too sacred for me. They are Malaysia's things and they will always be hers. I would feel guilty if I dressed another baby in her clothes. It would be like I was just saying oh well this baby didn't work out but I still want to use all of the nice clothes that I got. It might be crazy to think like that but that's how I feel

I am sorry for all of you who are faced with taking apart your nursery and packing things away.

This happened to me years ago. I was 22 and very in love with my husband, and pregnant with twins. But it was not to be. The babies, full term, had somehow contracted an upper respiratory infection that took both their lives. Like you, I came home with empty arms, and was faced with a nursery full of clothes and toys and furniture and linens that weren't needed after all.

I knew I had to pack things up, so as soon as I was physically up to it I took the cribs apart and the dressing table, and moved the rocking chair out, and packed everything else into big boxes to be stored out of sight. It was a surreal experience. I just couldn't believe it had actually come to this. I remember thinking, "This is the 20th century. Things like this don't happen anymore!" Sadly, they did then, and they still do now.

That was some years ago, and thankfully the shock and agony and confusion are now behind me. Healing didn't happen over night, but it did happen. It was a gradual process not unlike the healing of any other sort of wound. Right now you are suffering very real emotional and mental pain, just like a bad burn or broken bones would cause you very real physical pain. Healing isn't instantaneous, but we do heal.

Will your forget the baby you lost? I highly doubt that. I certainly haven't forgotten my son and daughter. My life changed, my marriage broke up, I finished college, I moved to a new state, made different friends and had more experiences, but I have never lost the memory of my first two babes. They are part of my life for however long I live, just like yours will be.

I got to have another little girl later on, and much later on I got to have another little boy. Have they replaced my first son and duaghter? No, they have not. That is simply not possible. Did I feel disloyal to the memory of my lost babies by having new babies? Absolutely not. I was, and am, blessed and grateful that they lived, and I got to bring them home. They were every bit as precious and unique and deserving of love, and I wouldn't have wanted to miss out by closing up my heart or refusing to move on.

We need to grieve when we lose a loved one, whether it's a parent or a brother or a best friend or a baby we patienlty waited nine months to finally have. Moreover, we MUST grieve. Our hearts aren't capable of snapping back like an eleastic band, just like that. We must grieve and work our way through that pain. Just remember: hearts can break and hearts can heal again. Yours will, too. I promise you.

I dont think any mother should go thru something like this my heart and prayers go to all and each of you. I after vlise to 3 months.... my baby boy Eli's room still the same. The nursery room was pretty much done. I was exactlt 36 wks when i lost Eli. Ihad 2 baby showers... so i definetely had tons of stuff for Eli. I am not planning to get rid of anything at all. My husban and I are ttc and we are praying to get a blessing soon. I told my husband that Eli's clothes will be wear either by a baby boy or baby girl :o) Since babies gtow so fast.... he/she will wear it for a few weeks pisibly. I am planning to save Eli's outfit that i had chosen for him.... for him to come out from the hospital. Malaya's mom stay strong...... you bet you lil angel is watching over you, and deeply knows how much u miss and luv her.... hugs your way! Blessings to all of you

Thank you Marthar1201! Good luck with conceiving another precious baby!

Thank you Eikara for your insight. I have worried that I will not be able to connect with another baby because of the fear of getting over Malaysia's death. I would not want to put a baby through that so it is good to know that you were able to see that your second and third babies were just as deserving of love as your first two babies. I know now that I probably will fill the same way when I do have more babies.

Due to an unexpected move we were forced to pack up the nursery way before we were emotionally ready (on his 3 month birthday). The anxiety was immense. Before we started we each took a couple of shots of whiskey. We still bawled uncontrollably throughout, but being a little numb allowed us to start the process without having an anxiety attack. There was lots of anger, throwing rolls of tape and cussing out uncooperative packing supplies. It was the worst day of my life, except for the 2 weeks following his death - nothing could be worse than that. Now that it's all packed away (we kept everything), it's sad not to be able to rock in his room and look at his things. But it is also slightly less depressing not having to look at it every day. Double-edged sword. Now we have a spot for him in our new place with something new that was made for him after his death - incredibly sweet prayer flags with his name on them. So looking at his things now is more like looking at the future in the harsh light of day, instead of the past. I guess. I don't know. It's all so sad. Not having him is a very bitter pill to swallow and it must be swallowed every single day.