What is Step Families
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. For example, if one's mother dies and one's ...
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Hi im new to this site and this is my first post on here.
Here is my situation. My girlfriend and i had been living together for a while before she decided to move her 2 yr old son in with us. He had been living with his grandmother mostly but because a boy should be with his mother I told her I thought it would be good if he came and lived with us here at my place. He had been visiting a few times before but always ended up going back after a few days. The problem was no matter how hard i tried he woudnt warm up to me. If i tried playing with him he woud just get mad or start crying and run to his mom. For a long time he would not leave her side as long as i was around and woud just scream and cry and throw a fit if she ever left him alone with me. I watched him for a few weeks while she went to work before we could get him into daycare and he would scream and cry when she left and as i tried to comfort him he woud just push me away and evetually calm down but just sit sulking until she got home. During that time i woud attempt to play with him but he would just pull away from me to do something by himself or nothing at all but sit and sulk. I was discouraged by this but continued in my efforts to get him to warm to me and slowly ittle by little he started to get more used to me and would play with me and allow me to feed him and change him without getting up set or throwing a fit. Now its been a few months since then and things hav gotten alooooot better he is happy to play with me most of the time and allows me to take care of him happily most of the time. How ever there are still times when he will get upset over me for seemingly no reason and he stil screams and throws a fit when ever he is left with me. Things have gotten better but it still seems like theres a lot more i can do to. I was wondering if there are any other men out there who have been through similar situations who have any advice to help me in this situation. Thank you. Posted on 11/06/09, 06:11 pm |
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I'm in your shoes. My fiancee moved into my house with 4 and 2 year olds. Oh my God! I thought I'm going to kill myself: screaming, messy, manipulative monsters. It's hard to be a parent, to be a step-dad is even harder. What biological parents take for granted, we - step-parents never experienced. Parents gradually were exposed to all that craziness of their children, step-dads are faced to take a crush course in parenting. Very easy to loose self control and self esteem.
I found myself abusive to the children, cranky, taking their fits personally. Though they are very affectionate to me, hug me, kiss me, call me "daddy". But then they get those dark mood swings when they scream, don't listen, and I just want to punch them and run away. We will work it out, time will help, just don't loose control over yourself. I try to play with them, do question games, entertain them, behave silly sometimes to make them laugh. What I do differently from their mother, and I will not change it - when I say "No", I will stick to it, and if I promise them something, I will stick to it too. This way they realized that they cannot manipulate me easily. But what they do, they start crying or yelling when mommy, or nanny can hear them. Guess, they immediately see how my behavior changes. And I keep telling them how much I love them and miss them... But dude, I'm doing it 5 months full time and sometimes I'm overwhelmed. Good luck!!! 
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Kudos to you men for eveb trying, I am a mom to my step daughters, but he does nothing for my daughter and has never tried, shes 13, no fits, nothing he will not do it I think he thinks he would make his kids jealous, but hes not even going to try, 5 years of this and other things can make a person wasnt out, good luck to you and all you can do is try! It's up to the mom and the child then.
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