Step Families Support Group

I have so been there with you.

My SD was stealing the jewelry that my husband gave me. I searched her room and found it back but my H dismissed it as a harmless prank.

Then, she made false accusations at her school that I was beating her. My H knew she was doing this but didn't tell me; it took finding a note that she was discarding to discover it. The school didn't believe it either. The counselor went as far as writing a letter for me to keep until my children are grown-it went into how my SD was lying and that she had no conscious about doing it and all the accusations she made were false. I've held on to it for over 10 years now.

Things progressed to sneaking out of the house, out of school , making 5 hour road trips to visit men (and my SD telling my H she was visiting her BM) and using our house and property for sex with her men friends.

The only thing that made it better was moving her out after she turned 18. The lying and manipulation hasn't changed; at least she's not doing it here.

There wasn't much I could do about her because my H restricted me so much in taking action. She was "his daughter" and I "didn't know what I was doing". What I did do is get a personal safe-the ones from Walmart by Sentry work very well-and locked all my valuables and cash in it. Since they are fireproof, I told my H that I was protecting them from getting destroyed. He would've went thru the roof if I had said it was to protect things from his daughter.

An attorney also advised me to document EVERYTHING. Keep a diary of dates and events. Write down what you would ask her to do; document how she reacts, what she calls you, what she steals-everything. If you end up in a courtroom, that stuff goes a long way. Does she have a myspace or facebook you have access to? Teens post alot of comments on there that they think adults like us are too stupid to see. I googled my SD and found alot of stuff she was doing and who she was doing it with. It was very interesting.

I'll double check the facebook and myspace when I get home. That would be interesting.

we had a problem with my hubbys stepdaughter for a while with mum says dad says this is what happens in each house etc. Plus lieing as well.
I made a new rule and this is six months ago now i am guessing and it hasnt had to be inforced. But if they say something that is not true or about the other parent and we dont want to know it eg mum has love bites or hiding panty pads in clothes they know i will be washing, I have them write a letter, firstly stating what they have done, then an apology to the person they have offended. If it is about their mum and I dont want to hear it they have to give me the letter to hand to their mum so she can see what is going on.
The mother and I dont talk at all but I dont want to know what she does in her life either and I sure she wouldnt want us to know.
One time the oldest one took money from her dads wallet and I said if it isnt back within three hours I would take her the police station and have someone talk to her about what happens to theives.
So far it works and maybe this is why they hate me so much and we dont get along. I also have a time allowance on tv and computers so they need to work out what they are going to watch as I want them to do homework or read or go for a walk or bike ride etc. They are the child I am the parent so if they dont like it go to boarding school. ( did i say anywhere i dont like them at all haha)

wow this sounds like my sd and ss. I am so sorry....mine all stole,lied,stole from family,my mom,me thier dad....the sad thing is their whole family never reprimmanded them. I am now the bad person as i caught all of them in the act. I would love to be able to talk to you about this and how you are dealing with it? Please let me know. DO you have an email address?