What is Step Families
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. For example, if one's mother dies and one's ...
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becoming her mother?
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so my husband has a 4 year old daughter. her mother has raised her and had custody of her for the past 4 years. at the beginning of august she dropped her off with all of her belongings and said she didnt want her full time anymore. she said she would visit her every other weekend. well she hasnt seen her or called to check on her since august over 2 months now. very bizarre! anyways we are going to talk to a lawyer on monday and we know if she has to start paying child support and pay for insurance she wont she already told us that in the beginning. so im guessing she will give up her rights. my husband emailed me yesterday and said if that happened that he wants me to become her mother not just her step mom. what??? should he even say something like that shouldnt i be the one to offer that? i would never do that though. i would never adopt someone elses kid though. i dont know that i would tell him that now. i mean he is the one who choose her mother and decided to have a kid with her. why should i have to be her mom when her real mom doesnt want the responsiblity anymore? it just really bothers me that he said that to me.
Posted on 10/23/09, 06:10 pm |
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When you marry someone with kids...they in many ways also become yours. If her Mom DOES actually choose to not be involved in her life she is going to need a Mother. Sounds like you might be it. The GOOD news is that the job has some very wonderful frindge benefits so i would consider things thoughtfully before you just say no. Good luck!! 
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I know your son is due soon; you may want to wait until after your child comes before making any decisions. There's alot of pros and cons and considering all the problems you've had, you really need to consider it carefully. I talked to a lawyer before I considered approaching my H about adopting my SD and I was glad I did. I ended up NOT doing it and I don't regret that choice. You have so much going on; take it slow and think first; make sure that you are fully aware of what you'll be taking on with a full adoption.
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Wow, i need an update !!! Strange for him to ask epecially knowing your situation. I would have mixed feelings about that too.... definitely something to think about before answering.
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What matters most is what's in the heart not what's on paper. I know a couple of non-bio dads who have such a tight bond with their kids nothing done in a court house could change it. If you all have the same last name, people will assume you're the mom.
My H always had physical custody of his kids but when their mom moved out of state, he went for legal custody. She didn't want to pay child support, and her lawyer told her the only way to get out of it was to file for custody. The best advice we got was that dads do better in custody cases when they have the kid (which you do) and things move very slowly. It worked fo us. That said, what's really best is that bio-mom get her act together & be there at least part time for her daughter in a meaningful way. No kid can have too many GOOD parents, especially during the teenage years..
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My situation is very similar but im on the other side of it. I want to take my step-daughter in full time. As her mother has made threats to send her away. I love this little girl, because she is specail, not only that she is apart of my husband. I tell him all the time, when I said I Do to you, I meant them as well. I am his helper. As I would want the same respect from him if I had children before our marriage. Do what you feel is best in your heart. Best of luck to you.
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