Step Families Support Group

My skids live 8 hours away, and court order states parents are to meet halfway, about 4 hours away from home.

Long story short, there has never been a visit without conflict. BM tells the kids waaaaay too much (they are in their early teens).

Several weeks ago DH asks BM for a visit, she says no her family's coming to visit the exact time he's asking for. There are many past differences between us and her family, too much to go into right this moment (our side will say BM lies through her teeth, cannot be trusted, thus there needs to be hard-copy documentation of everything said and backed up for our protection). So any communication is done strictly through email. BM doesn't like this, but DH will have it no other way.

So, through about 40 emails, DH and BM finally compromise to just one week vs. the two he originally wanted, to accommodate BM's family time.

Two days before exchange time, DH emails BM asking for confirmation that the exchange is still going to happen. He did this very early in the morning, and BM did not respond all day long.

The very next day (one day before planned exchange), the kids call and leave messages on the answering machine saying sorry for not calling sooner, we've decided we don't like going to your house, I'm not comfortable going this time around, I feel like this visit was to just blackmail our parents (they refer to stepdad simply as "dad," as that is what BM has forced upon them since an early age). Then BM calls and leaves a message saying, they really don't want to go, is there any way we can work this out?

On a side note: BM accused DH in an email of looking through social networks and finding the exact time her family was going to be in town, just to "steal" that time away from her. We are pretty sure (especially based on the kid's "blackmail" comment that BM talks waaay too much with the kids about things that are none of their business).

Anyway, after all these messages, what would you think? We were devastated, we really wanted to see the kids.

Then the next day, the actual day the exchange was supposed to have happened, BM finally responds to DH's confirmation email- and instead of confirming anything, she tells DH the kids don't want to go, but it's "his call" if there is still going to be a visit. Then she turns around and asks for confirmation. What the hell?

So, thinking this was just another one of her games, DH refused to respond, in his words, give her nothing to feed off of.

Later that day, BM calls me and asks where we are- she's at the meeting destination waiting for us!!! I am astonished. She never confirmed she was going to be there, didn't even call to say she was on her way (something they both usually do because the distance is so far apart for each of them).

I strongly feel like we've been tricked. We already know BM is looking for ways to take DH to court and make him look bad. And I've had people tell me that since DH already put it in an email that he was going to be there, that's what BM went with- but what about all those messages they left the day before the exchange was supposed to happen!?

I am confused and hurt as hell. Now the kids are never going to want to see us, and BM is going to use this as an excuse 'til days' end, how she was there and we weren't, she can't afford to go if he's not going to show, ect.
Posted on 07/31/12, 08:19 am