Step Families Support Group

My H's ex doesn't contact us but my SD is always on the phone with my H. She doesn't live with us anymore due to a stunt that she pulled after she turned 18 that put my kids in danger-I threated to evict her if she didn't move out. I keep waiting for the day that I'll come home from work and find that my H "can't live without her" and has moved her back into my house.

I know when she calls on the phone, something is up by the way my H replies-if she's gotten into some kind of trouble; he turns his back, walks as far away from me as the cord will allow and he keeps his answers to Yes, No, Uh-huh and I'll call you later. Then, the texting starts. His phone goes off so much that I'm surprised it doesn't burst into flames.

It ticks me off that they ignore the fact that I am here and that alot of the things she does has an affect on our family. She and my H have their own personal little world but when the things she does could potentially affect me or my children, I think my H should be including me instead of finding out thru the local gossip channels.


When I know it's her on the other line, I just want to vomit-my stomach churns and I can feel my anxiety level rise.

The point is - Your H, like mine, is allowing this to happen. They don't say no because they don't want to say no. They won't set limits and they treat us like we're jealous, insignificant people. You can keep trying to talk to him but if he's mocking you, then he's not respecting how you feel and will probably continue to do so. I just had to learn to live with it. After 13 years of it, it really hasn't gotten much better-I hope you have better luck.

I don't think your over reacting, it would be one thing if the text was about their son, but it isn't, it's about things married/living together people discuss ....caulk in her home that she needs to find a way to take care of and insurance papers that if not urgent could be given/shown when they see each other next.

My husband's ex would do that for a while and make 'important' phone calls that always ended up discussing their relationship and where it went wrong.

I finally asked him if he would rather be with her. Very shocked he said, "Of course not, why do you ask that?:

I said that I understood her needing/wanting contact with/for the kids but there was no reason that her boyfriend/husband couldn't help her with household or other concerns. I explained that I didn't appreciate her cutting into the very little time we got to spend together and I would appreciate if he explained to her that they were no longer a couple and didn't need to communicate other than concern/interest about the children.

It took a few times of explaining how I felt, why I felt that way and giving an example flipping our roles; when he finally understood, he stopped all unneeded call or text.

Now the children are old enough to have their own phones and there is no communication between he and his ex. Oddly enough, she calls me for information and the conversations are usually shorted and specific to the children.

I say explain what you are feeling and reverse the roles and ask how he would feel; write it out for yourself first so you have a good understanding of what you are feeling and why.

It's hard to move on...
I divorced my wife, but we separated on "friendly" terms. Sometimes, when she sends me text messages just to vent about her work, or her car accident, I do it too. We've been married for 10 years, it is hard to break habits. Just be patient with your spouses, they are not cheating on you, they are just being humans.
Simply ask them, talk about their conversation with their ex, don't make a scene - after all you don't want to scare your spouses away, you want them to be honest with you. Listen to them, be supportive and non judgmental.
Those text messaging will fade away, eventually.

NO YOU ARE NOT MAKING TO BIG OF A DEAL OUT OF IT. I UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM. YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN WITH YOUR HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND AND TELL HIM THAT IT REALLY BOTHERS YOU AND HE NEEDS TO TELL HER SHE DOESNT NEED TO TEXT HIM OR CALL UNLESS THERE IS AN EMERGENCY INVOLVING THEIR CHILD.

I don't agree with you at all Chanik. When people get divorced, that's it. You don't get to be buddy buddy with your ex and have your new girlfriend as well. One or the other. I'm dealing with my husband's ex wife calling for every little thing and it makes me crazy but what can I do... they have young children together. If she were calling to talk about her car accident or bad day at work I would walk... period.

I agree with you guineachick! They should stop all that crap! My husbands X has started friending our friends on myspace! People she has NEVER meet! She also friended some of his family members she has never meet. How sad is that! She has tried to be friends with my DH and I have denied her request 4 times already!
I have not figured it out yet but for some reason allot of ex husbands do not want to cause any type of conflict with the ex wife! I DO NOT GET IT!

Ladies, chill!
I don't know details of your husbands' previous marriages, but if they cheated with you on their exes, or for whatever reason they feel guilt, you have to suck it up and be patient and smart. Don't get angry and crazy emotional. Let them be open, tell them you don't like their ongoing txting, but tell them you do not care, because you trust your husband and you love him the most. After all, many men are just boys with very expensive toys, even if those "boys" are bold already.
Just give some space, but encourage them to talk. Worst thing if your husband closes up and starts keeping it secret from you.