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My dad remarried a woman about 6 years ago, and I've never gotten along with her, based on the fact that she's "taken" my dad away from me. He's never there, he doesn't bother trying to spend time with me, and whenever I suggest trying to do something with him (ie; go out to dinner, go see a movie, etc (aka things he does with his SO) he just snaps at me, and tells me I have a boyfriend, so he can do that with me instead) which really upsets me, because even though I have a boyfriend in my life, I still want my father there, although it doesn't seem like he wants me in the picture.
I try to confront him about how I feel like I've been mistreated (and verbally abused by him ever since they've been recently together because they got a divorce but are dating again), due to him telling me I'm fat, I'm obese, I'm lazy, I'm not trying hard enough to get a job, and that I didn't "pass" my final year in school, because I completed it (i didn't do as well as he'd wanted me to do), which genuinely hurts me. I feel as though he chooses her over me, even though she continually does things that hurts me. Back when we were all living together, she decided that some days, she didn't want to talk to me (which lasted for a year and a bit), but I had to go to counseling, not her. I had to make amends, even though it wasn't my fault. My dad continually said "Just do it for me, I'm your father", where as I believe that it should be her making amends to me, considering she "loves" my father, so shouldn't she at least attempt to make things right with me? I've been told to go to counseling again from a friend, to grieve the loss of my father, because basically, it's like I have. (Due to him not caring, not trying to get her to make amends, not wanting to spend time with me, and during my times of need, choosing not to be there.) I don't know if I should confront him one more time, or just go to counseling? Help please. Posted on 05/23/12, 03:26 am |
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One of the best pieces of advice ever given to me was this - you cannot control what other people do, only how you react to it.
It sounds as if everyones mind is made up. They're not going to change, the place it on you. You can't do anything to change them or to fix this how you want it fixed. Is it wrong that he is doing this? Yes, absolutely. Is it wrong that his girlfriend/wife/whatever is acting that way towards you? Yes, again. But you can't change them. All you can do is to stop beating your head against the wall, and stop hoping it will change. I struggle with that on a daily basis. I'm a stepmom. I love my stepchildren to death. My SD lives with mom in a very bad, neglectful situation (school? doctor? Who needs those?), my SS has improved dramatically since he moved in with us. I worry every day, and get mad everytime something doesn't go like it should, even though the past should tell me that it won't. Its a struggle. And it's going to be a struggle for a long time. I would honestly suggest counseling. You've tried talking to them, tried to change it, and it hasn't worked. I wouldn't expect it to work if you try it again. But instead of focusing on grieving, I'd focus on ways to stop hoping for the change. That's the hardest part to get over. Hoping for the impossible, and then being disappointed when it doesn't happen. Best of luck, sweetheart. It's hard. But we're here if you need us. 
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I agree with what Irishette says.
I am a stepmom too and I get it from the stepkids and their mom. I have had a rough time with them. But, as Irish says, you can't change them...it is how you react. I am the only one who has gone to counseling and it helped me and I CHOSE to be happy! Once I chose to be happy and not be miserable like all of them, I did so much better. There have been times and will be times it will be difficult, but I want to be happy, so I control that myself. Also, the counselor may be able to help you further on how to deal with your family situation and go from there. Hugs!
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I have the same problem my parents divorced a few years ago and ever since hes been with his fiance he rarely talks to me or does anything with me. He always tells me there busy but he tells my brother differently and has my brother lie to me and are other brother. I have tryed counsling about that but it worked and didnt work. How many times have you tried? I have tried with my dad for a long time now and it still hasnt changed. I told him how I feel but he doesnt care. I would probley go to counsling and maybe even ask both of them to go to a counsling appoitment with you one of the times and see if that helps.
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