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A single parent is a parent with one or more children, who is not living with the child[ren]'s other parent. The legal definition of single parenthood may vary according to local l...
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She hates the clothes they buy...
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My 11-year-old daughter goes to her dad's every other weekend. Sometimes he and his GF buy her new clothes, yet they don't listen to her opinion. She's told me that she told them "that's ugly" (and believe me, it's HIDEOUS)... and they're just like "oh, you need to try new things." Well, I just don't know what I'm able to do about it. I really wish I could just throw some of that clothes in the trash. Is this not an area I can stick my nose in? Do I just have to keep out of it? Do I just leave her to suffer twice a month in those outfits?
...Funny how he tells me I need to let her learn to be independent, yet he can't give her some room to give her own opinions (but that's another story).... Oh, also, I'm not able to have a real discussion with him, because he always seems to turn things around against me (forget "another story" that's a whole novel)... Posted on 08/31/09, 11:08 pm |
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If her father isn't prepared to listen (and i know what that is like cos my ex is the same) then I would suggest trying to get your daughter to keep the tags on the clothes when they get bought and then you can return them to the store with her and let her pick something else she actually likes. 
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i agree with pink, keep the tags on the clothes so that you can return them. i would also suggest that she try and get her dads attention and get him to listen to what she has to say. respect comes both ways.
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thank you, ladies, for the excellent advice. I had thought of it myself, but unfortunately, the GF had said this last time "make sure you bring those clothes back next time you visit." so, they'd probably notice items missing. and they'll probably make my poor girl wear them :`(
... so i kind of feel like i don't have the right to go return the clothes they bought, 'cause if i did, they'd give me h - e - double-hockey-sticks [ i just wanted to censor, just in case :-) ] ... i've also found it a complete waste of time to try to even reason with him, or even have him listen to his own daughter. he just refuses, and everything has to be his perfect way. {p.s. not all the clothes they buy is bad, just a few horrendous items occasionally}
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in the case of " make sure you bring those clothes back the next time" rip up the really ugly ones beyond repair and state that she was playing and it got destroyed that way theres not a thing he can do about it.
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I am thinking if he doesn't listen when she is only 11 he is going to have hell later on. My daughter was picking out her clothes when she was 3 and would throw and absolute crying fit if what I picked out would not match. I am not sure how she knew what was matching correctly at 3 but I just chalked it up to being a girl. I do agree respect is a 2-way street and if he doesn't have good communication with her now his road will eventually be something he wont like as I know teenagers can make it rough if they want to.
The keeping the tags thing is an awesome idea I never thought of and I think you should return the ones that are really bad if possible. Try and keep some and have her wear them when she goes back. Jag
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Regardless of how your ex will react, I think you should take it upon yourself to have an adult conversation with him. I believe you can do it non accusatory and in a casual way.
Maybe say: You know I wanted to tell you how grateful I am you buy our daughter clothes. She has shared with me that they are not really her style and I thought you should know so maybe you can involve her in the decision of what to buy next time since I agree with you and we should allow her to be more independent. Anyway I think you should say something BUT there is a way to make it much worse than it has to be so I think you should choose your words wisely. I can relate to your trouble of having a discussion but I have found by acknowledging the good in what he is trying to do before stating what you would like to see changed helps to diffuse the situation a bit. Also, by reiterating what he has told you is important (her independence) but gently reminding him it was his idea also helps take the focus off it being your idea. Maybe it's tricky but it works for me most of the time. Good luck to you.
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If her father won't listen to her about what she wants to buy then its more his problem. I wouldn't keep the clothes he bought her if she doesn't like them I would give them to a thrift store or give them to a church that some other girl her age would wear them. My ex never bought my kids clothes at all I had to send clothes with them and him and his girlfriend at the time about two years ago made my son wear a pair of pants that didn't fit him, same with my daughter is was bad to seem them in clothes that weren't wearable and they embarrassed to be seen in them. I wouldn't make her wear the clothes if they aren't what she wants to wear. My mom tried that once with me and I refused to wear polyester pants that looked like old women clothes and she stopped picking out my clothes. I wasn't skinny like my friends but I didn't want to wear something that I didn't like period. I would just tell your ex she isn't wear this clothes you bought her and that is that.
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