Single Parenting Support Group

It sounds like a challenge, but you have a lot of things going for you. Your baby's father loves you and the baby. Worst case, his sentence wouldn't be long, and best case might happen, who knows? Your mom is there for you - that is a huge plus. You are young so no age-related complications for having the baby. No huge debts. When you've just had a baby, you don't want to work anyway.

You will get through this just fine. Babies need some money, mainly the hospital part, but the most important thing by far that they need is time and attention. You can hold your baby all day. You can talk to her and touch her all day, not drop her off someplace and pick her up when you are dead tired. You'll be scrimping and saving, but you will get by.

What about being a sitter? Even now you could take in an afterschool child or a little one. That would bring in enough to pay for diapers and then just breastfeed :). People will give you clothes for free, and lots of other baby stuff too. You don't need to buy much.
Just try to have a stress free pregnancy, and your baby will come out easy and happy.

I'm wondering what the father did that landed him in prison. Personally, I wouldn't be sticking around waiting for some man to get out of prison even if I were pregnant with his child.

You are lucky that you have your mom to support you. Why are you on unemployment and why does it keep you from job looking? You shouldn't be waiting for your unemployment to run out. You need to be proactive and get out there and find a job before you are too far along to get one. What about working for a temp agency? You can do pretty well for temp agencies and stay employed fairly consistently if you are a hard worker.

Based on your writing, you seem to be pretty competent. What about going back to school and working towards a degree or technical training?

Personally, I see this as a crucial time where you really need to be proactive and do all that you can to get your life in order now, before the baby comes. Don't assume that people are going to be giving you things or that life will get better with time. Realize that it is time to fight for your child and prove yourself as a mother. Not to be rude, but if you are waiting for handouts and living on the system, you and your child will be judged harshly. Is that the life that you want?

Also, I don't fully know your circumstances and I am NOT saying to do so, but you may want to consider putting your child up for adoption. I am NOT saying to do so. That is a VERY personal decision, but it is also something that you should not be ashamed to do if you feel that it is the right decision.

Hang in there.

Being in your second tri mester you have time to get a part time job and save as much as possible before your child borns. I suggest this for you don't know the circumstances that may come after birth. SOmetimes children and the mother require extra expenses that aren't covered under insurrance. Plus with the father/boyfriend in prison you really need to have a backup. While based his public defender (yes I did take offense being a public defender and working with my clients and their family for thousands less then Im actually qualified for simply because I believe everyone should receive quality representation) you didn't reveal the circumstances inwhich your boyfriend has been found guilty. This to me is a partial insight to your situation which prohibits us to giving you the proper level of support you maybe looking for from us. So I again urge you to simply take this time to gain employment/job training to support you and your child. Your boyfriend can not support you from prison and you can not expect time to wait for his return. In addition to the help your mom has offered you are an adult and soon to be a mom you must make decisions and support yourself and your child regardless of who you have in your corner. That's what parents do, we make the hard decisions and we follow thru. I wish you enough...

Wow I feel for you but girl you can do it. God will make it happen. Find and use all the resources you can. I’m not sure what state you live in but if you live in a state like Massachusetts see if your landlord will write you and eviction notice because then you will get on top of the waiting list for Sec 8 housing or subsidize housing. This kind of housing is based on what you make if you make nothing you pay basically nothing. Also go get your self some WIC, you can get that while you’re pregnant, this will give you milk, eggs, juice and cereal. Once you have the baby they will give you formula too. Find a food bank near by and when you have the baby apply for food stamps basically do what you have to until you get back on your feet and you will. Also once your child is born put their name in for daycare at EEC this will help you get a voucher for child care that will lower your expenses so you can go back to work and be independent. Good Luck!!

A lot of that sounds very familiar. When I was five months pregnant and living 5,000 miles away from my family, my unborn baby's father suddenly decided he wasn't about to be part of a family, and walked. I had to fly back to England, at 6 months pregnant, and move back in with my parents ten years after I originally left. It was hard, but I had their support and love, and let me tell you, it isn't for ever, honey. Your Mom will look after you, you will have help with the baby, I'd say go for it.

Just for your information, my own baby is going to be 18 years old in two days time, and despite being brought up by only one parent, has turned out to be the nicest young man you want. I wish you all the luck in the world, sweetie, just focus on staying healthy and getting ready for your own precious person. Hugs.

I appreciate everyones replies, thank you. There were some questions that some of you had and I don't have a problem answering them...

My childs father had a prior felony when he was 18, recently he went to a party and the police broke it up. They found a gun in the basment and because he was there he is being charged w/ possesion of a firearm by a felon. even though he didnt touch the gun the state is trying him w/ consecutive possesion. Thats why he needs proper representation. The public defender isnt on his side like she should be.

I have been looking for work since I was laid off 3 months ago. I enlisted in the Army so I could get school paid for (future pharmacist!) but at the physical exam the doctor discovered I was pregnant (news to me too!) and I was disqualified until the baby is born. I'm not sure if I will re-enlist because I dont want to leave my Child w/ my mom. As far as finding a regular job... it didn't look good when I was at an interview and I had to excuse myself to vomit or my excess saliva kicked in while I was answering a question.

Adoption is not an option. I'm not the 1st single parent and I wont be the last... I just wanted some advice on what other people did to keep there head above water.

The truth is this you are young and pregnant, many are in similar situations. Whether the father is in the picture or out you are becoming a mother. Yes there are programs to assist, should you apply? yes. But should you say, woe is me because of this and that? no. We are all single parents. How do we do it? We sit down, examine our priorities, create a plan, and execute it. You have to step up and do this for your child's sake. Getting a part-time job now will enable you later to take further advantage of state run programs for you show you are willing to work. So what are you skills? Can you do contractional work? Satelite? Theres options if you research. Many of us has/have held multiple jobs pregnant and afterwards to support our children. We are not trying to offend you, we are however giving you straight and honest support. So please don't feel as though anyone is belittling you and/or your situation. I wish you enough...

I still highly recommend contacting a temporary agency. I was laid off while pregnant with my first child. I had also been in a car accident and had to go through physical therapy. Once I was able to work, it was pretty obvious that I was pregnant and I knew that I would not be able to find a job. Through the temp agency, I found a position almost immediately and was able to work until I gave birth.

Moving in with your mom may be a blessing in disguise even though it's not your ideal. I had a period where I had to move in with my parents. It was very hard, but I wouldn't be where I am today if they hadn't helped. In addition, they are INCREDIBLY close to my children because they became such a large part of their lives.

You've had some tough blows, but you sound like a strong person and you will get through this. Sometimes it's hard to give advice because single parenting is one of those things that you just do. You aren't sure how you're going to make it, but if you are determined you will.

I agree with what Saturated has to say. I don't think that it's ever a good idea to rely on others providing food or clothing for you or your children. I strongly believe that you need to get out there and do what you can for yourself. That doesn't mean don't utilize the resources, but don't rely on them. If you need WIC, food stamps, whatever, you should not hesitate to use them, but don't think that you will not work because you don't have to with those programs. The best thing that you can do for your child is to figure out how to become self-sufficient.

Again, good luck.

Why not look for a job you can do at home with flexible hours? There are programs where you can study online or for a few months. If you are getting unemployment now, you can also probably get counseling to point out some of these programs and maybe get funding for the tuition.
I seem to be the only one who thinks you should try to stay home with the newborn for a while. But I still think that. It can be very stressful and not very lucrative to try to work when your baby is very small. The best would be to position yourself so you can start something flexible as soon as you feel you can manage it.

Thriver, I am definitely in favour of staying at home with a new baby! I was lucky that I did not have to work, despite being a lone parent, and have been an at home Mum for all of my son's 18 years. But sometimes people don't have any choice, it's work or starve.