Single Dads Support Group

I think you more or less wanted to vent and didn't really ask a question on how to handle this situation but I will offer some suggestions unwarranted.
My ex is I believe undiagnosed. Her mother is bi-polar and went 30 years undiagnosed.
All you can really do is document every conversation, every letter you send, every check you write for his care. Assuming she's going after you for child support. If not, I would suggest doing the right thing and mailing whatever you can, whenever you can. even if it's $20. Diapers are expensive.
first, you both were very young when she had the child. She can possibly on top of her illness resent you for 'ruining' her life. Even though, you may have not played any role outside of giving into her desires? I know that's my situation and many, many years later, I am still dealing in the aftermath of it.
What I can also suggest. Do NOT offer parenting advice. Do NOT talk bad about the woman to her family, I suppose you could have vented one too many times which makes them not want to talk to you and/or the woman said some things terrible about you to make them not want contact. I avoid my ex's parents simply for a reason similar. She could do no wrong and she convinced them I was to blame for the downfall, but that's them, and I cannot control anything but my own actions.
If you want to have a way to get throught this try the following.
Post pictures of your son in your office and in your home and in your briefcase, on your phone, your car, wherever. Make it a goal of yours to figure a way to see him say, at Spring break. Chances are flights are cheaper in off times and just make your OWN Christmas.
Your son is very young and the bond needs to be there, if you get him for summers and you live in CA she in WI, that's a significantly great parenting time. IF you want to see him more, I suppose you have to find a way to get a job in WI and a small one bedroom apt. that you can afford to be nearer to him.
I don't have much more to offer there, it's a start I suppose but first thing you cannot control another person's actions and with you being oodles of miles away, offering advice when it's not wanted will only get you hung up on.
Whether it's your fault or not, the next time you talk to her, offer an apology for upsetting her the last time you talked. If she screams at you, wait three seconds before responding and say that it sounds like you caught her at a bad time and ask if it's ok for you to talk later. You then should also learn how to deal with a person with this illness. Not setting off the time bomb is in everyone's best interest but remember, it IS a sickness and someone with the disease can act normal at times, catch you off guard and you're the devil the next minute.
It's ok to love a child that much, and figure ways to be in his life. EVERY child needs a father. There's more than 40 million children in the US alone without active fathers in their childs life. Look into the National Fatherhood Initiative for more information on the subject.
www.fatherhood.org
Wishing you the best.

Hi James,

I'm also in a similar situation with my ex-wife who is also Bi-Polar. Because I'm in the middle of a custody battle over my child, I have to refrain from saying too much on here. However, I couldn't agree more with the other response. You have to document every single call and interaction. I don't agree, however that you shouldn't give advice. Your son is obviously very important to you, and he deserves your input, regardless of how much it stresses you to give it.

If your goal is to eventually get custody, your voice must be heard. You have to play all conversations with her very cool. If she yells at you, stay calm and don't overreact. Make sure you talk to your friends and family before making any rash statements. This can be very therapeutic. Even though it may be a difficult decision, you should think about moving somewhere closer to your son. He deserves to have you play a more important role in his life. I also lived far away at one time and decided to move closer within a couple hours. It's worked out beautifully, and my child is better for having me around. I'd be happy to talk more about my own experience with you, send me a note and we can connect off-line.

DD4

These stories...they sound all too familiar and hit very close to home. I myself am facing a similar situation with my ex who is scheduled to give birth this November with our daughter...I have also been completely blamed for the entire downfall and have been ex-communicated from everything ranging from the doctors visits and ultra sounds sessions to naming the child...

Its a very hard pill to swallow considering I feel I did everything I could for this girl to show her that life is meant to be enjoyed and that she desserved lasting happiness and I honestly thought I could give it to her. However, people who live with bipolar disorder or manic depression or other mental ailments can't just turn things around simply because someone came and swept them off their feet.

In spite of how bad things have gotten, I can honestly say I'm looking forward to the future and am meeting any challenge head on and quite simply, am smiling in the face of adversity. I know deep in my heart that I am a geniunely good man who only wants the best for this world and the people in it. I try everyday to be part of the solution rather than adding to the problem. I remind myself constantly that life is what you make it and if I feel miserable or feel that life has treated me unfairly, It's only because I focused far too much on negative aspects of the situation.

Get busy living or get busy dying...that was a profound line from the movie "Shawshank Redemption" and what can I say?...I chose to get busy living. That is why at the age of 22 I bought my first house in southern california and at the age of 25 opened up my business which is continuing to thrive despite a collapsing economy of historic proportions.

I know no matter what life throws at me that unless it kills me, I will emerge on the other side wiser and stronger than ever before. We've all made mistakes in life...we've all been burned, treated unfairly, and scorned for believing in something we knew in our hearts was intrinsicly pure and genuine.

However, no matter what happens and no matter how much we may stumble, slip, or fall, we must not ever lose sight of whats important and you must continue to live life with the same ferocious passion that you did when life was good. Now at the age of 29, I have finally realized that I have so much self worth and I deserve all the good things i have in life and all the other positive things headed my way.

Life doesn't have to be hard...its whatever you want it to be and everyday you are faced with a decision when you wake up on how you will deal with your attitude and emotions. Its solely up to you to harness all the positive energy within you and find healthy ways of canceling out or dispelling all negative energy.

Do not lose sight of your goals and convictions...do not take no for an answer. Do whatever you have to do, what you know in your heart is right, and go out there and make it happen. The first step is knowing you are worth it and deserve happiness. Everything after that is secondary because no matter what challenges you face and no matter how bad things get, you will always be able to maintain your dignity and integrity and noone or nothing will ever be able to take that from you...ever.

Good luck my friend and remember that you are not alone in your suffering and there are many of us out there who share very similar problems and manage to come out on top regardless of any particular short-term outcome.

Help is always available for those who seek it.

Chad

James!

Im with you brother... Same situation. Take her to court get joint custody and do the best that u can knowing that you can not make sense of the irrational or impossible. Take it one breath at a time. Life is not easy... But loving your son is!!\

LOTS OF LOVE AND LUCK BROTHER!