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Another newbie to shopaholics anonymous ;)
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Hi everyone!
I have a real problem with using shoping to give me a high. If I feel stressed or depressed about something, I use shopping as my upper. I too like many of you have too many clothes, books, toys, and household items. I have four sets of dishes (one for every season). My current closet should be able to fit both me and my husband, but it only fits me. I try to justify my spending by making sure I wear all my clothes at least once a year, but donate those I do not wear. However, I struggle to let go of anything (including clothes) for donation. It got really bad when my husband was transfered to a foreign country. I was so isolated that I sat on the internet all day shopping. He began realizing I was spending most of his pay check on clothes, books, and repeat household items. Thank God we never had credit cards I would have put us in debt! Now that we are back in the US he has prevented me from having access to our savings account. I am only allowed to have access to a small checking account for daily needs and groceries. Then if I need more money I have to justify it to him. It has caused a real problem in my marriage. I resent him for restricking the savings by not putting my name on it, but I am a glad I don't have access. I used to hide reciepts, bank statements, new items, and bags too. To try to control spending (because even with the tight control he has I find ways to find money), I try to keep myself to some steps that I will share. I am not always successful, but maybe it will help someone else. They are: 1) The item must be on sale. 2) The item must be within my budget range (I know ladies, but some sale items are still $400 for a handbag). 3) The item must be on my color chart (I am a fall). This step reduces my clothing options (Why buy something you will not look good in). 4) The item must look good on my body type (I am a A or pear). 5) I must not have another items of the same type (I violated this with all the pottery I bought in London big time). 6) I cannot spend when I am upset or down. 7) If I am out with the girls, I must come back to purchase the item unless it was on my list before I went out shopping. Maybe some of you have some other rules I can add to my list. I try to follow this, but I am weak too. So, my number one rule is try to avoid walking or driving past my favorite stores or try to avoid shopping centers altogether. Once I step into a store the process spirals down. I begin the justifying, planning, and scheming to get what I want. Additional help please! Posted on 04/16/12, 03:10 pm |
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Hi and welcome.
How about do I really need this? 
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Hi! Yes, that is a good rule! I just returned four nail polishes today. I bought them over the weekend thinking how cute they were, but I was thinking how often do I have time to paint my nails. I have 5 nail polishes in my bathroom right now that never get any use. Do I need more? I have other rules too, but I cannot think of them when I read my list. So, please keep adding, if you think of another good one!
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I'm a newbie too. In response to dazed1, I know with me, I can convince myself that I "need" absolutely any outrageously priced dress, pair of shoes, leggings, handbag...how can I buy the coat without the leggings that would go so perfectly with it? And of course I can't wear it without the scarf & matching gloves, it would just look incomplete! That's what I say to myself. Then I wear it all once, & suddenly I don't love it anymore, I need something new. Over & over I binge spend, splurge, borrow money, steal money, guiltily stash away shopping bags, lie to my husband about where I was or how much my new purchase really cost...I've always told myself that I'm in control of my shopping, it's what I tell others too when they joke that I'm a shopping addict...but the truth is - & this is a bit easier to admit in a safe place like this, where all of you understand me - my shopping controls me :(
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blacknwhite, I completely understand. I lie to my husband too about the amount, stashed shopping bags, shreaded copies of reciepts, and where I have been. I can relate to what you say about having to have the entire outfit for it to work...I spend a lot of mental energy on thinking about how great it would look going to this or that, but some of the outfits are so over-the-top that when I wear them I feel out of place. Then I only wear it once. I hate being controled by something like this too.
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I am also a newbie to Shopaholics anonymous. I buy clothes because it feels good when people at my job compliment me on how I look everyday. I have low self-esteem. My husband always tells me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am but for some reason it doesn't really do anything for me. For about two months I had curbed my spending and did not buy any clothing at all but these past few weeks I spend a lot of money. My husband was away on a couple of business trips and that's when I decided to go crazy with my ATM card. I know I must try to stay positive and learn to spend less and save more. Does anyone have any suggestions?
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kchange05, Maybe try to find a person you trust to help you set up a plan of cutting back on the spending. I have tried this with a few people, but most do not have the staying power to constantly hold me to my spending goal cutbacks. Maybe you have a better support system than I do. On the other hand, I do see a professional counselor once a week to discuss this and other issues that contribute to my shopping problem. Maybe that would work for you too. All the best.
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I'm amazed at how in this economy people have the money to spend foolishly.
I'm a shopaholic. I'm also in the middle of Chapter 7 bankruptcy. If you want to come keep me company, keep on spending and justifying your spending, and you will end up like me. Be grateful you have a husband who has put up with your spending and comply with his wishes and don't feel like you are being put on a short leash because you are not given access to the savings account and are given an allowence. Wake up and smell the coffee before you lose your marriage, your self worth, your credit rating, etc. If I sound hard and tough, that is exactly how I had to get with myself to stop the insane shopping. But I still had to declare bankruptcy. We need tofind out what is causing this need to fill this void we are trying to accomplish by shopping and buying irresponsibly. It's an addiction like any other addiction. The one place an alcoholic should not go is in a bar room so why would you go to a shopping mall without a support buddy? What has helped me tremendously, is keeping a list of things I want and things I need. I have stopped all instantaneous gratification shopping. I keep adding to the list and when money allows, I purchase what I need, what is next on the list in order of priority. Lots of times I'm able to see something I wrote down that I "wanted," not needed and I'm able to scratch it off the list wondering why in the world I wrote it on the list in the first place. The purpose is to let time pass and sanity to return, to stop the crazy spending. I'm single, no kids, but I took a hell of a salary cut in 2006, basically cut in half, and I've struggled ever since with being in denial about how much I could spend, and how much I could work to pay credit card bills. I'm a Medical Transcriptionist and I get paid by production. I spent myself into this situation. Chapter 7 is a fresh start, but I will have this on my record for 10 years. There are no items in my home that charged that I can say were worth what has happened to me.
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LMorantine, I have to say I have never used credit cards to feed by spending addiction. I always stay in the black side of things, but that does not mean it is not a problem. I am glad that you shared your perspective. Hopefully, your outlook will be a wake up call to all of us, if we do not get it together. I like your list idea. I have done that sometimes wondering the same thing, why did I put this on the list? I have not done it continuosly, so maybe I will try that. Sanity does return when you have time to cool your heals about an item. A shopping buddy to keep us honest is another thing, but my sister (the person located closest to me has a problem with shopping too--and much worse). Another log on the fire, is my husband hates shopping so I am in charge of buying his clothes, groceries, and other necessities that put me in harms way. You are absolutely correct when I avoid the shopping areas and internet shopping sites I enter into sanity. Thank you for you advice, experiences, and thoughts.
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I also new to this and often find myself buying things that I do not need. I have had to start setting rules for myself as well when I go shopping. One of my main problems is I often want to buy things just because they are on sale, even though I have no intention on using it in the near future. I have been successful lately, but it has been hard!
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amc06h, I had to add another rule for sale items. I cannot buy duplicates or something I will not use. I must donate the other item first, if I really think the new item is necessary because it fills some purpose the older item did not. However, if I find myself reviewing this long list of rules I know I am going down a dark path...it is just best to walk away. I feel your pain though. I am glad that you are doing better lately. We always need to celebrate our little successes, but not by buying something :)
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