What is Sexually Transmitted Diseases - Female
Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) - also known as sexually transmissible diseases, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or (infrequently) venereal diseases (VD) - are diseases...
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Fear of divorce because of herpes
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I have been married for 24 years. My husband and I are going to seperate, and I suspect divorce. He gave me herpes before we got married. I have very few and minor outbreaks and do not presently take any medication.
Of course, because we both have it, it has not been a problem sex wise. I did have to have a C-section with one of my kids because of an outbreak. I have 3 kids and they are all healthy and fine. I am very unhappy and want out of this marriage. However, since I have herpes, divorce scares me even more. I am already scared of the whole process, but I am terrified about finding someone who will accept and not be turned off by the herpes. I am willing to take the medication to even further protect a partner. My outbreaks are very rare and mild so I am wondering if with the medication it is ok to not use a condom? I know most guys in a long term relationship do not want to use condoms and I hate them also. On the rare occassion I do get an outbreak, I do know it and even feel it coming. My husband and I always avoided sex until any outbreak was totally healed. I do not want this fear to keep me in a bad and unhappy relationship. I guess I sort of feel like "tainted goods." Before our seperation I hardly ever thought of it because it was so infrequent, but now I am worried. Posted on 08/19/09, 09:08 am |
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I know how you feel. I'm 24 years old, never married, no kids and I have 2 types of HPV and HSV1....I have only had 2 outbreaks and it's been 3 months since my last...My H is very mild, but I recently found a great guy who accepts me as I am, STD's and all and still thinks I'm beautiful......Just make sure to get to know the people you date. you can tell right away if they are trustworthy enough to tell such a large secret too....I think it really helps you sort through all the garbage you know? It's been a blessing in disguise for me....My guy doesn't seem too worried about getting it. We use condoms, i'm more worried about him getting warts then herpes.....Just be educated on yourself and the condition and when you find some one you think is right, he should understand....I know it's a hard time for you, just focus on your health and being the best you can be to offer some one else...you'll be fine. 
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Herpes is more common than you realize. I had ignorant preconceived notions about H until I dated someone with it...so I did all this research bc i was paranoid about getting it. First like 1 in 4 or 1 in 5 of the population have H...and most don't
even know they have it. We barely used condoms and I never got it. Don't let H make you stay in an unhappy relationship. The older we get people have been exposed to more things including the reality of std's. Many people have H and don't even know...so educate yourself and if/when you find someone you really like I'm almost positive they'll be supportive. The ones who reject u are ignorant and in denial if they think they've lived a life where they never came in contact with someone with an std. Good luck and do what makes you happy :)
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I completely understand where you are coming from. I have had Herpes since I was 19 and met my husband at 20. I eventually told him and we lived the next 14 years dealing with occasional outbreaks, etc. He never got it.
After years in a bad relationship, I made the decision to leave though was nervous because now I was going to have to tell someone again about my condition. I still left. Being miserable and staying just because of this disease was not what I wanted to do. To be honest, I am at the point where I am terrified to have to tell someone about what I have but it is still better than living in a loveless marriage for the rest of my life. Life is way too short.
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