What is Sexually Transmitted Diseases - Female
Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) - also known as sexually transmissible diseases, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or (infrequently) venereal diseases (VD) - are diseases...
Join Now
|
Everyone opinion is needed
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
I don't know where to begin or how to express my sincere turmoil of grief. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Everyday I feel sorry for my mistake, my foolish, so blind and so stupid self.
the situation got me all in this mess was liking a boy . My body and life style have change so bad that it has left me with nothing to live for. I don't know what to do with my life. I never been more sorry for thinking stupidly that there was nothing wrong when there was a sign to say there was. before the guy I really did not know about any other diseases besides aids or the one ccmmerial on hpv. The situation and all the events that happen afterwards were so stupid. I don't know why Im such a terrible person who was blind to her own body signs . I had accident hurt others who were close to me. I really didn't mean for the way things went out. Most of my life i was treated less to nothing when I liked a boy, accepting the treatment which they game to me. I had allow so much that I did not believe in myself own worth. Search for love since I was little. I never looked upon myself as a slut. I never dressed like one nor did I ever think my small short relation with the boys I been with was much of anything to call. I know I have the symtoms to hsv 1 and a mild case of hsv 2. The mild case is skin irration small area of the sides of my thighs no bumps have ever been seen. I can't say to much in detail of my mess up foolishly blind life i lead. I tried to say myself for the right person but with the small amount of guys I been with I would ease up a bit because it was the what you always wanted to have someone like you when so many tell you your not pretty. To come home to cry , look in the mirror to judge what is wrong, Parents argue at home and divorced, than mother and I agrue to the point we are lost in mother-daugther relationship. only to have the daughter favor her father more even when he left his respondsibles. I have learn so much bad stuff about myself and my lame worthless character. I grew up disliking my own race, disliking everthing looking for sometime to make me feel good when it wasn't. I like I reach out so much I lost myself. I never want to be look upon as a loser or some poser when she had come to love what she love only to fall short. I really never meant to hurt people or make them upset of my faults, weakness and stupidity. I don't want to be thought as stupid. I did the best as much as I could help myself. My friends were worth more than my life to me. I don't know why I became this ugly person. I don't know if I should just put myself in jail for being so dumb thinking no one could love this so very defective girl who feel so alone and sorry for thinking so wrong. I almost feel that the only place I would fit. Since the turn of events I become so fragile and sensitive morethan I was before When I was just a tomboy asshamed of her body dressing in boys clothes and wrestling with boys feeling that as far I would ever be close to a guy. I so ashamed of my body, my look and the person I seem to be its hard to just walk out the door. I don't know my worth. So I act like I will rob a store just so they could call the cops and take me on a reason to lock me up. I don't know how to make friends well believing so one would be my friend with the face like mine. I too hurt to listen to the music I used to listen to only to listen to easy christian music or none at all. There is not much spirit in me. I been to a therapist before. I talked till I felt I did not need a person to resite what events I did the week before only to come out still empty, ashamed and lost. im sorry im a failure. Im even afraid to go back to college. learn wasnt bad just my peers. I afraid that i cant get a friend because I feel I am a needy or negative or dependent person everything a woman should not be. I don't feel much lika woman more dead than alive or a beast hiding in a tower with the dying rose losing hope. i look at dating websites for stds and feel so disgusted and uneasy about being with a person who has an std even when i am one now too scared of my mild form to be worser than it is . not only that but who would want me or find me attractive when I don't have much to look at or a personality. As much as I seen in pictures I have no idea as much pain as others are feeling when I little to none. being behind bars away from the world seems ok but the risk of being killed is scary. I don't want to die but I would accept it because I killed myself and hurt others foolishly with stupidity and feel very sorry the pain they are going through. I have nothing to look forward to and I did nothing on purpose. Im really sorry for being blind. Posted on 02/23/09, 12:02 am |
| 2 Replies | Add Your Advice |
| View More Posts Ignore |
Wow, that was a lot....so how do you know you have type 1 and type 2? did they test you for it? You know, some of the things you said reminds me of me....I used to see guys as a number, I didn't want my number to get too high but i would compromise, what's one more in the heat of the moment....Had I stopped at number 6 I would have been fine, but I kept justifying it....Finally when I thought I was finding good christian guys to have solid relationships with, that's when I got my std's I have had chlamydia, and now have HSV1 and 2 forms of HPV, low and high risk...I have been surprised at how many people have been accepting of it...Even though it seems like the ones you don't want are ok with it and the ones you do want get freaked out....I have not really had a sexual relationship since I found out about 3 months ago about all this..I'm still healing inside and out....I don't know if you read the entry called resolve herpes but I wrote that one. It's about this detox that's supposed to rid your system of the herpes virus...I haven't started it yet but I hear it's really effective on HSV1...I have only had one outbreak which is how I knew I had it...actually I had one genital outbreak and one cold sore that was very small and very mild..I'm learning to live with it and take care of my body better. I hear eating lots of broccoli is good for HSV and and taking L-Lysine to keep your system from consuming the arginine that causes outbreaks....getting lots of sleep and not being stressed....Which I have had a hard time with....no matter how bad you think it is, it could always be worse...you are not worthless. I trust that God has a plan for my life and if me having this disease puts a stop to my over active sex life that I can recognize the blessing in it...take care of you, mind, body and soul, and some day in HIS timing, he will give you the desires on your heart...just be patient..it's not the end of the world 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Hi Spiritgone,
I hope that by the time you read this you have been able to find some kind of peace because it seems that that is what you need. SickNtired is right though. Before you assume that you have anything you should go get tested to be absolutely sure. Just because you think you have something doesn't necessarily mean that you have it. Trust and believe that not one of us on this earth is perfect and we have all done things that we are not proud of and that can cover any area of life, not just sex. You are pretty distraught and if you have no one that you can personally talk to then, I think that you have come to the right place where you can express yourself to others who are going through and have gone through the same things that you are experiencing. You have said a whole lot in your post that covers so many different areas that would need to be handled individually. There are support groups on here that cover all of those areas and I'm sure that you will find willing posters that will support you in all of those areas giving you the encouraging support that you need to be able to help you see your self worth. If all else fails and you can find no relief this way, then there is only one thing that you can do and that is to get down on your knees and pray because there is only one way to get the kind of peace that you need. No matter what any person says to you if you still see things the way that you see them now, then you are looking for help in the wrong places. This is something that I myself am learning as well and that is why I am able to share it. We are our own worse enemies and we can tear ourselves down worse and faster than anyone else can. It doesn't mean that we deserve to feel that way it just means that we need to redirect the way we think. You were put here for a reason. You are going through what you are going through for a reason. While you are going through it I'm sure just like anyone else it feels like the worse thing on earth. Trust and believe it is not. You have You. You have the ability to know that things are not right in your life and you need a change. You are in college. That in itself is major because there are many that cannot achieve that. If you were to look at all of the people you go to school with could you easily identify the ones that have an std? Probably not.....as a matter of fact some of them probably don't even know that they have it themselves. You could have some life threatening debilitation. There are so many things that you could have gotten but all you got was this......if that is even what you have. So although you are going through a rough time, you have to be strong for yourself in order to make it through this and any other battle that may come your way. It does get better because each day is like a do-over. You do over what you didn't get right the day before. Just the simple fact that you wake up every day is a Blessing in itself. So you know now that you have to be careful in choosing a partner and you know now that you need to be with someone that is going to be understanding and respectful not only of you but of your situation and if they can't handle it, that is not the right person for you. If He will bring you to it, He will bring you through it and He will NEVER give you more than you can bear. Trust that!
|
|
|
|
||
| Add Your Advice |
